SANE Forums

[Hyperballad]

I’ve had a break from the forums because work has been very busy. I’ve been working weekends unpaid and weeknights to keep up with everything, which has meant self care has been not as top priority. I had a very distressing weekend with stress and worry, and today started in a very wound up mode. I’m not saying the I’ve had suicidal ideation but I do have concerns that there’s a part of me that may feel trapped and have no option. I am being good as I can at bedtime - set up my bedroom as a safe and nesting space, soothing music, ambient light and whatever it takes to nurture myself. I hope I make it through this. 

[MJG017]

Sorry to hear your weekend was a bad one @Hyperballad.  Hopefully your safe space bedroom helps a you a lot.  I must admin, I felt safe and cosy just reading your description of it.

[MermaidHair]

Hey @Hyperballad it's good to see you back here!

It sounds like you've been really overdoing it at work lately in order to stay on top of everything. Is there a light at the end of the tunnel, can you see yourself being able to reduce hours or duties anytime soon? 

I know self care was already a concern for you and you're doing everything you can with what limited time you have right now. Your bedroom does sound like quite a blissful and relaxing space I must say 💜

[Hyperballad]

I have 5 months left on the contract and I return to my substantive role. I’ve raised workload with them at work so it’s on their radar. Hopefully end of August things will settle down if not before 🙂

[MermaidHair]

@Hyperballad good on you for raising it, please give it another nudge if things don't change soon.

You are all over this, you know exactly what you need and have been trying to give it to yourself but are only able to get small tastes of self care here and there. Keep at it, keep taking care of you and seeing yourself through this. I am so proud of you for working hard but I don't want to see it completely burn you out. You have so much more value to offer, especially to yourself!

Keep coming back here and talking to us when you can 💜 

[Hyperballad]

It’s been a genuinely rollercoaster week. I realise I’m unlikely to have a high power career. This stuff just gets in the way but also at some level I want to live my life in my terms and peace and security are important things to me mostly. Honestly I get so worked up and wound up by anxiety some times.

anyway, my GP prescribed me some [medication] yesterday again. He did earlier this year but my experience of initial side effects with [another medication] a few years ago was really meh I will hold off for a bit.

going to spend tomorrow night having dinner with a friend and hopefully have a weekend without work. 

[tyme]

Hey @Hyperballad ,

Great to hear from you again. It feels like a long time since I last connected with you. I'm sorry to hear things have been a bit of a roller coaster for you.

I'm hearing you about anxiety and getting worked up. What are some things that have worked for you in the past?

Also, I just wanted to let you know that I've edited your post above to ensure medication names are removed so your post can go live on the forums. This is in line with our community guidelines.

If you have any questions about this, feel free to email us at team@saneforums.org

Hope to hear from you soon. Please take care.

[Hyperballad]

Thanks @tyme and that’s fine re the edit. I think when I get wound up or start spiralling I essentially start pacing haha. But I try to focus on my breath and acknowledge the feeling. 

oke of the things I’ve been working on is the rumination that happens when I go to bed. It’s an easy time for thoughts and worries and thinking about the future to creep in. I was listening to soothing music but one thing that I’ve tried is putting on a podcast and having it just loud enough that I can hear the conversation a little. It’s like having someone there and the words might be more effective a distraction from my own thoughts than music. But it is also like having someone there haha

[tyme]

I relate to that @Hyperballad . I used to get flooded with negativity in the evenings. This really stressed me out and it stopped me from sleeping. I struggled for a long time until I came to some scientific research which explained the evolutionary purpose of having negative thoughts in the evening. It's actually part of our chemical makeup! This really surprised me because I realised I wasn't so 'odd' after all. The research showed that as part of evolution, our ancestors had to be on high alert as soon as the sun set. This was because a lot of predators could be lurking. Hence, our minds are geared to be more alert in the evenings as part of survival of the fittest.

I just looked this up which may help https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/23/well/mind/anxiety-night-sleep.html It says that the most dangerous thing we can do is sleep....

Hope this makes sense.

Sorry for waffling.

[Hyperballad]

Thank you @tyme. It's very interesting and I have heard about how a lot of our anxieties are driven by that ancestral par of our brains. I have just come home from the gym. With the winter weather and anxious mind I've been really inclined to stay in my sanctuary and not leave lately so haven' been to the gym as often. It feels like ages and another life since I was doing that regularly (and it wasn't that long ago). Still, it does make things a little better.