Battles

[Dreamy]

@Jynx yes, I'll empty out a box and then not know where to put everything so end up creating more mess 😂. Or i start finding things that have sentimental meaning and get all emotional and have to stop before i end up too upset. The struggle is real.

I tried to eat earlier but couldn't keep anything down. I'm heading into seizure territory, really not what I needed right now. 

[Jynx]

Hahaha @Dreamy I know right!! The sentimental finds are so dangerous, it's why I'm getting my partners to help me on my BIG declutter room - cos I never know when I'll end up crying! 

Oh nooooo 😞 Wish I could do something to help. You somewhere safe and soft? 

[Dreamy]

@Jynx They really are dangerous can go from being ok to being an emotional wreck very quickly. Good idea on getting the partners to help. I got a room that's just too much for me to tackle alone but I got noone to help so it just sits there. 

I'm sitting on my bed, I tried to lay down but everything started spinning and I felt like I was going to chuck up so I sat up. Gonna be a long night for me. 

[MJG017]

@Dreamy 

It really sucks that these people aren't a bit more understanding.  It's such an important service and its so troubling that they may be putting people like yourself off using them.  Once is bad enough, but multiple times is really concerning.  Make me think that maybe I shouldn't have pulled out of the LifeLine training... maybe it's not as hard as I thought if the calls you've had are anything to go by.  I know it's other services, but you've tried them all from memory with mixed results If i remember correctly.

I've asked myself that my whole life!  Why don't people just listen to everything I say and tell them?!  It's truly baffling to me. 🤣

I know it must be SOOO frustrating, but please try to not direct that anger and frustration at yourself, especially when it someone else's failing.  I know it's easier to blame ourselves but and direct the frustration inwards.  I know it's hard not to, but just do your best to try and find something else to take it all out on.  Wrap a towel around your hand and punch a tree.  They can take it.

[Jynx]

You don't have to think about it right now @Dreamy but it's possible we could do some sorting together? As in if you wanted to go through a box one evening and narrate it to us/reach out to the community for support as needed? Food for thought! 

Oh dear 🥺

Keep bringing it back to the basics hun, one step at a time. Breath, water, food, rest, slowness. Doesn't have to be in that order 😉

[Dreamy]

@MJG017 yes it does really suck cos it means when I really need them I won't bother to try and reach out cos in those moments any tiny bit more added to how I'm already feeling could just be enough to tip me over the edge. Yes I've tried multiple services and had very mixed results but most of the experiences lately have been pretty negative and have left me feeling worse than when I started. 

People just can't accept that you are smarter than them 😂.

I usually take it out on the brick walls but today it all just got too much and in that moment I wasn't in control of what I did. Oh and I don't have any trees to take it out on around here. 

[Dreamy]

@Jynx that's a possibility and a good idea. Something to consider that's for sure. I just have zero motivation at the moment, my focus is keeping on top of simple things, dishes, washing, general cleaning. 

Breathing and keeping my heart beating is as good as it gets right now. Brain is starting to get dodgy on me, screaming loud thoughts at me. Must resist the urge to hurt oneself. 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy yeah same, I'm halfway through re-doing my room...again... lol and it is just soooo slow-going, and partially why my dishes ARE so bad right now.... 😅

You are not the voice in ya head, luckily!! It's being super mean by the sounds of it. Oi, that's my dreamy you're being mean to!! I know you're just trying to protect her in the only way you know how... but pls let her have some reprieve? Thanks dreamy-brain-voice. 

Got some non-perma options to turn to? Like crunching ice in teeth, tying string super tight around finger or using rubber band to snap against skin, punching pillows - all viable options!

[Dreamy]

@Jynx my room is the only room that's pretty much free of clutter, other than the stuff under my bed that's in containers. But my dining area where I do my crafts and one specific room are the worst. So 2 out of 3 bedrooms are fine. I do my dishes 2-3 times a day so they never build up and I can't leave things overnight. My washing is always done other than folding which is just such a task sometimes but I get it done eventually. You'll get there, baby steps, it's not a race to get things done so just take things at your pace and when you are ready. 

That voice is just very loud and I don't like it, it usually wins cos it has so much control over me. I love how you say that, it's so true that it's just trying to protect me the only way it knows how. But I would just like a break even just for a little while. 

I've tried all of those things and tried drawing on myself where I'd normally SH. It's so hard though cos in those moments it's like I'm not in control of what I'm doing. It's like something takes over and things happen without me having a chance to stop them. 

[Jynx]

@Dreamy bless ya 💜 I shall, and you as well!! Always easier when we got someone in our corner hey 😁

I do a lot of parts work (from IFS), and part of that has been learning to accept and befriend my anxieties and insecurities instead of trying to get rid of them. We can always talk more about it another night, if you like 😉

Desperate brains do what desperate brains think is needed hey, and sometimes that includes shutting out our awareness of ourselves (aka dissociation). I gotta dash hun, but I trust you to know when you might need to reach out to a crisis service, yeah? You got this. 

Sending many a hug, and many a vibe of OOMPH to help you get through! Nighty night lovely 💪😎😋💜

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