Open Discussion

[Oaktree]

@chibam  @Shaz51 @Healandlove 

Hi Chibam,

I wanted you to know that I hear you regarding the word resilience. It can be a very loaded word. I feel like I have built my strength up in regards to my mental health and now I weather the storms better.

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Hubby won’t even look at the carers side of the forums even though he might have shared experiences with people over there. I don’t know how to get him support if he won’t cooperate. You can lead a horse to water and all that…

Meggle

[tyme]

I hear you @Oaktree .

There are so many where you know what they need to help them, but when it comes to recovery, if people don't put in themselves, the results certainly are not as good...

Hope you are okay this day 🙂

[chibam]

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@Oaktree wrote:

Hi Chibam,

I wanted you to know that I hear you regarding the word resilience. It can be a very loaded word. I feel like I have built my strength up in regards to my mental health and now I weather the storms better.

Meggle

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If I'm being honest, I have a lot of resentment against that word/concept, @Oaktree . I try to maintain a more open-minded/balanced approach towards it in conversations, but I feel like I've been a victim of the application of that concept, at it's worst.

All through my therapy, there was a push towards "resiliance" (even though it wasn't called that at the time) - to badgering me in to being a better punching bag; better at enduring the toxic/hostile/insufferable situations I was embroiled in, when what I really needed was help to get out of them.

Then when I got to the point where suicide was my only way out, the therapist badgered me into abstaining from suicide, fully aware that my awful quality of life was not remedied, nor would it ever be remedied. So here I am; 10 years laterm still trapped in hell on earth. "Resiliantly" enduring it all without fuss, while I wait for the reaper to come collect me in his own good time. I'm screwed; but hey, I'm not dead, so she's happy. That's all that matters, right?

Resiliance has ruined my life. The "weak" ones, the ones who don't "hang in there" when the game is lost, are way better off then me.

That's why I hate resiliance being pushed as some sort of solution to people's suffering. I know it's cruelty, firsthand. It's less a solution for the sufferer, and more a solution for the people who haven't exhausted their usefulness, yet.

[chibam]

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@Oaktree wrote:

Hubby won’t even look at the carers side of the forums even though he might have shared experiences with people over there. I don’t know how to get him support if he won’t cooperate. You can lead a horse to water and all that…

Meggle

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Maybe there's a disconnect between what he wants from support, and what the "supporters" want to do to him?

[Shaz51]

@tyme , @Oaktree , @chibam 

My husband won't go on any forums 

I amm finding for me is to learn all about mental health to support and encouragement my husband 

[Oaktree]

@chibam 

Hi,

The cruelty is in making people live in suffering with no way out. I have been on the precipice too. For me, I am glad that I didn’t succeed. There are things I am glad that I didn’t miss. Things are different for everyone. I hear you and I understand your suffering. 

Meggle

[Oaktree]

Thanks @Shaz51 

I feel like tonight’s topic was great to start a dialogue between us. I don’t often think to ask him how he has suffered through my illness. Hopefully I can get him some supports in future should he need it.

Meggle

[Oaktree]

@Shaz51 

Our other halves can make it difficult. I just want what’s best for him.

Meggle

[Shaz51]

Me too @Oaktree , I want the best for mine too xx

I have learnt that it is no good to push too hard either my friend 

Sometimes I listen and won't reply , just being with each other , sitting together is enough 

@tyme , @Healandlove