Community

[tyme]

How are you @Stargirl ?

I was passing through and thinking about you.

[Stargirl]

Hi 😊 Thank you for thinking of me. Much better than when I last checked in thanks to a good session with my lovely counsellor. How are you 'travelling'? 

[Stargirl]

Hello @tyme and @Appleblossom I am doing okay. Daughter actually contacted me yesterday after almost a week of silence. She was high. I just listened and I told her I loved her and believed in her and that I would never give up on her. She knows that. She was thankful and teary. She said she loved me and didn't want me to see her because she doesn't want to hurt me or get me into trouble. I said I was here for her and if she changed her mind I'd come and see her.  She told me she understands that she might likely die from taking alot of substances. She wasn't trying to shock me (after everything I've been through with her, nothing shocks me anymore). She was being truthful and realistic of her awful circumstances. I'm just so sad and want to take her away from all of this but I know that I can't. She does not want to go cold turkey as she said she is too far gone for that. I just wish upon a star most nights, that something or someone can changer her mind and that she will turn her life around one step at a time. I'll be here for her when that happens. 

[tyme]

Hold onto that hope @Stargirl . Look after yourself so that when the time comes that she is ready to see you, you are well enough to support her.

As a carer, you need to be well yourself. It is of utmost importance.

Don't give up on hope. Hope is what keeps us all going.

Thank you for sharing and updating us. It was great to hear you were able to tell her you are there for when she is ready.

All the best.

[Appleblossom]

@Stargirl Good to see you again.

You wrote "trying to find the balance of letting her be (rather than letting go which is so final)." a while ago.  I found that really powerful, and yes ... saying you will be there when she is ready ... has a positive aspect ... of allowing for the possiblility of her readiness. Hope is necessary.

Yes one day she may be ready ...

I have a birthday coming up soon with my girl.  It is huge for a mum, as it is also our experience of giving birth, tho we try and turn it into an all positive experience for our children.  Life is just messy.

Gently Bently

Apple

[Stargirl]

Hi @Appleblossom @tyme 

It's me again. I haven't connected for almost a year. Good to see you are still both on this forum and giving support to those who need it.

So much has happened since I last connected. My 21 yr old daughter's journey was starting to improve after she almost lost her life to addiction. It was that scare that made her give up drugs. There was a struggle with alcohol after that but further health issues forced her to almost completely stop drinking as well. Things seemed to be improving however she made some wrong choices and landed up in prison in another state 😢 I can't go into any details other than to say she has just been released and I am so worried about her. She is on her own, trying to process what has happened, and is not coping. She has OCD and it escalated to new heights whilst she was in custody. There are some supports in place and she has kept in touch the whole time. I will visit her when she is settled. She has learned a lot from this experience however still does not want to get professional help. Having said that, she thinks she would benefit from being on medication. It's so hard on our end to watch all this unfold. It was a big shock to discover she had been sentenced. I have come to realise that the road will most likely always be rocky for my beautiful girl. I know that there is nothing I can do for her other than to let her know I love her and will always be there for her as best I can and however she wants that to look like. I have pretty much let go over the past year. It was and is hard. I have accepted this is what it is. 

As for the justice system...Wow.. like the mental health system, it needs serious attention/ reform. I have a new focus and that is around both those systems. Not sure how I can make a difference but I will try.

[tyme]

That's sounds so tough as a parent to witness. @Stargirl 

I read she doesn't feel ready to seek professional support? Do you have any idea why this may be the case? Is it fear? In order to get support, one needs to realise they need the support, and secondly, be able to reach out. I'm assuming she knows she needs support?

What are you doing to take care of yourself @Stargirl ? You must be going through a lot at the moment.

Please let us know how things go. We are here to support you through.

[Stargirl]

@tyme yes it has been a really challenging time.. If I mention would counselling help she says she doesn't need it (I am very careful to not push that and I hardly mention it, only when an opportunity arises). She has accepted medical help and that's a good start. And has recently talked about possibly needing medication. Mood stabilisers. She has supports however I don't know for how long and how good they are. I am hoping that she will be encouraged to get help to sort her mental health issues out but I have a feeling that is still a long way off. 

I just have to go gently and hope she will get the help she needs one day.

These worries I have are based on my daughter's track record over the past number of years. I have seen positive growth and realisations from her however everything is a struggle for her and there is a lot of denial or maybe not denial, more like avoidance. That goes with the age too, I know. But this is more than age related. It's a brain that doesn't work like most brains. It is complex. She does not cope with things that most of us can deal with. 

I'm keeping busy with my work and gardening and outdoor activities and I have supportive friends. As well as counselling. I have learned lots of great coping skills and strategies to use. It's still hard because I feel for her and I often feel helpless. Made harder because she is so far away now.

[Appleblossom]

Oh @Stargirl 

Sorry to hear the difficulties you and your daughter deal with. I am glad she is reflecting on things although it is hard to change people when they are resistant to counseling. Time may help. 

They are 2 compromised systems: the so called justice and mental health systems. 
It’s good you are still in contact and I hope seeing her when she is settled works out well.

I really felt that  sense of a mother longing for her child to flourish. Sad when we know they suffer.

take care of yourself too

[Stargirl]

@Appleblossom you seem to be so in tune to what I am feeling. Yes it's sad. And yes, all I wish for is for my beautiful daughter to have the life she deserves. Without the seemingly constant and often intense struggles. To be able to flourish and relax again and have the people who love her back in her life. 

I'm looking forward to seeing her again and giving her lots of big hugs and love. I am sure it will be a good reunion.