Making a report on my historical childhood sexual abuse

[BlueBay]

@Emelia8 @Shaz51 @FloatingFeather @tyme @hanami @Eve7 @Snowie @oceangirl @MDT @moderator and others i have missed 

@BPDSurvivor @amber22 

Today has been a very difficult day filled with mixed emotions.  I had a phone call from Victims of Crime Support and am assigned to a case worker.  She was very empathetic, explained the process of going to the police.  She later called back to say she had phoned the police (SOCIT) in my area and the detective she spoke to outlined briefly what would happen if i went in to make a report.

As one of my 3 abusers is now deceased i can make a disclosure report and then they will close the file.  

Doing this will hopefully give me validation and closure and Victim of Crime Support said I will then be able to get some compensation for counselling.

I was to call the detective and spoke to her for a few minutes.  we have made an appt for this coming thursday for me to go down to see her and give all the information about my historical abuse.

Now this is where i am nervous, anxious but at the same time i feel i need to do this for closure and validation that someone is listening to me.

I am not really sure how i will feel on thursday morning, i'd say very anxious and scared.  

If someone asked me to do this years ago I would have said no.  but i feel that i am at a different headspace now to go further.

So many questions running through my head.  the victim of crimes support case worker will call me on friday to see how i am.  

i have just emailed my psych to see if i can see her on wednesday.

have i done the right thing?  i think i have but doubts.

i hope i haven't triggered anyone.

[Paperdaisy]

Sounds like a very brave thing to do @BlueBay and hopefully it helps.. I feel it will! Wishing you all the best 💙

[BlueBay]

thank you @Paperdaisy 

i will keep you updated.

[Emelia8]

Oohhh yesss @BlueBay  I believe you are making the right decision.  A brave but correct choice. I truly believe and ernestly hope that you will gain some closure from this process. Very courageous of you,  but it sounds as though you are being well supported,  and I think you are ready to take this step.  😄💖

[BlueBay]

thank you my friend @Emelia8 

i am so nervous and scared now that the appt has been made.  

i feel i am ready now

and maybe by someone important like the police validating my story it's enough for closure

[Shaz51]

Sending you lots of hugs my sister @BlueBay 

Walking with you xxx 

[Gwynn]

You've done the right thing by little @BlueBay, and that's what counts. What are you doing in terms of supports (formal, informal, self-support) during this time?

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Shaz51 xxx

Hi @Gwynn 

I’ve emailed my psych to see her beforehand. Otherwise I have an appt with her on Monday. She doesn’t work every day. 

im going to call my dr in the morning to see if I can get an appt. 

And I’m seeing a new psychologist on Friday afternoon. 

as for my self care - I need to put something in place like a quiet time at the beach. Sleep. 

I’m not sure how I’ll be. My psych told me a while ago that she could admit me into hospital if I was triggered really bad. 
not sure 

thanks @Gwynn for your reply. 

[Bow]

I think your really brave @BlueBay 

[BlueBay]

Thanks @Bow 

I just hope I can do it. It’s not going to be easy but I feel now the time is right.