Hi @M_P90, I'm so sorry to hear that things are overwhelming I'm so glad you felt safe enough to be open and honest about how you're feeling. I understand what you're saying that downers help you to cope, and it is awful to be treated that way when you've given so much of yourself to that job.
You deserve all the support in the world, so if it's ok I'll let you know about some other specialised services that might be helpful for you? Counselling Online provides support related to alcohol, and they have their own peer support forums about coping and recovery.
I'll also follow up by email as I'm concerned for your wellbeing. Take care as best you can 💐
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, support, and referrals, contact SANE Counselling Support
SANE Forums is published by SANE Australia with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health
SANE Australia ABN 92006533606
PO Box 226 South Melbourne 3205 Australia