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  • Author : SJT63
  • support : 4
  • Topic : Something’s not right
2021-01-12T22:39:23+00:00
Senior Contributor

@P12 @Maggie 

Maggie so true.

 

But can I add, there is a vast ocean of difference between indpendence and lonliness, between independence and solitude and between indpendence and friendship.

 

I am VERY indpendent. I do not rely on others for support. I am the supporter, not the supportee.

 

I know a few people, I have a couple of friends, I have a partner, I am sometimes lonely.

I know a few people, I have a couple of friends, I have a partner, I am fiercely indpenedent. 

 

Friends are not compulsory if you are not lonely.

 

Human friends are not compulsory and face to face human friends are not compulsory even if you are lonely. Companion animals and on-line friends can still fill the void.

Needing company doesn't sacrifice your independence.

 

My partner needs quite a bit of solitude and yet he is not even a little bit independent. His complex mental healthy needs almost but not quite prevent him from functioning effectively with the outside world. He wants friends but struggles to keep them because of his eratic moods. Before he met me things had been very dire on and off because he was so alone.

 

So P12, do you mean independence or do you mean lonliness? Not everyone needs a huge social circle to feel content and fulfilled. Some of us just need one other person to feel contected to in some way (and not necessarily joined at the hip) and we're not lonely.

 

I have always believed that  indpendence... not having to rely on others.... is a good thing. That doesn't mean I don't ask for help with things that are outside of my skill set and that includes counselling from time to time to help me keep things in perspective.

 

but back to what Maggie said. 

 

Don't let people tell you what you need. How would they know? I'm sure deep down you know if you are lonely or if you prefer your own company. If society says one thing but you want another that's absolutly tickety boo (unless you want to break the law - don't do that!).

 

Whatever brings you inner peace and enables you to get out of bed every morning to achieve what you think is a realistic goal for that day (or morning or next 10 minutes). That's enough.

 

You are so brave. xoxo

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