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Who supported this Discussion

  • Author : chibam
  • support : 2
  • Topic : Something’s not right
2020-10-17T08:38:00+00:00
Senior Contributor

@skyburial wrote:

@chibam 

 

I want it gone because it's very conflicting to have, it's very limiting as well.


Can you be more specific? What is the conflict?

 

IME, something that is 'limiting' isn't necessarily a problem. It's only a problem if what you want exists beyond those limits. In fact, 'limiting' things can, ironically, be quite liberating, if they block out something you don't even want in your life.

 

So, what I'm saying is, is there something you want in your life that this value system is getting in the way of?

 

(BTW, let me know if I'm getting too nosy. Smiley Happy I'm just trying to figure out the situation to see if I can help.)

 


@skyburial wrote:

It's lead me to ghost perfectly good friends, I ghosted them as soon as highschool finished (coming up to 7 years ago), I feel conflicted about interacting with my family at times.

 

But it feels like a duty. Maybe I'm over thinking it, but it feels like it's needed.


It's quite common to feel duty-bound to maintain certain relationships & social obligations. IME, society is very pushy about making people feel like they "have to" maintain connections with such people, even if it's not in their own best interests to do so. To make matters worse, there are many real and/or implied benefits that can be stripped from us if we don't adequately fulfil our quotas of keeping company with these people. It's very easy to get blacklisted, defamed and otherwise punished if we don't do a convincing job of pretending that we want these people around.

 

I'm not saying that we don't all have responsibilities living in this world, but I would advise people that it's not right if they've found themselves trapped in a situation where every human connection they have is a soul-crushing or disgusting chore for them. Everyone deserves to have a life that is sufficiently filled with things that genuinely enrich their lives and make them appreciate life itself. It can't all be suffering and duty in service of a world that seems to do nothing more then consistently demonstrate it's own hideousness to us.

 

I guess what I'm saying is: Why do you say it feels like a duty? Is it because you can identify some genuine merit in performing that service? Or is it beause others have told you that it's somehow "wrong" to not meet some benchmark of sociableness?

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