Hey @TheVorticon. I read the topic of this thread and instantly felt the big-ness of it. I wanted to reply even though I'm not sure if what I will reply with will be helpful, so please feel free to take or leave it
I understand how feeling what we do vs feeling what we think we should, can cause shame and distress. I can definitely relate to that and get how messy, confusing and unsettling it can be. I'm really curious about the part of your post that said that "that's bad because I shouldn't want that". I'm wondering what it is that's bad about you liking someone and wanting to talk to them, and whether that idea is coming from inside or outside of you. (It's totally OK if you don't want to/can't answer or share, or if it isn't helpful for you to go there).
When I read your post I thought about something I've recently come across to do with attachment. It's kind of a mix of an "OK/Not OK matrix" and different attachment styles. I don't know whether you've come across it before or if you're interested in it, but there's some info about it here and here (both are basic starting point stuff). I've struggled with exploring attachment stuff for as long as I remember, but this perspective has helped me gently and carefully start to recognise and work through some tricky things I experience that are probably attachment related.
Hope it's helpful for you to have asked this here.
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