welcome to the forum.
I identify my BPD traits as being 'quiet' or inwardly turning. I internalise everything and then take it out on myself.
Currently I don’t have the same kind of obsessions as you do and I’m sorry that I can’t help as much with that part. Your post did make me question whether maybe I was more like that when I was younger but I cant remember. I did want to connect about the obsessive thoughts though. That I can identify with and it is still something I’m trying to work with. Maybe it might be helpful to look at your situation more broadly as some obsessive and maybe compulsive thoughts. I think maybe from what I’ve observed that that compulsive/ obsessive thought pattern is something many of us with BPD traits share.
I know that I don’t trust myself with relationship stuff over the last few years because I get pulled into the pull you/ push you mess too easily. I’ve isolated myself but that’s not ideal either. It’s a work in progress.
I just wanted to answer your post because I could connect with what you are expressing but perhaps not in the exact same way. I think there are similarities and differences with BPD. I’ve learned the hard way that when I feel the differences it’s harder. For me it’s much better to connect and maybe deal with the things that are affecting my daily life the most. I’m sure there are people that experience the same as you but please don’t be disillusioned if no one here identifies in exactly the same way. My personal opinion is that it is highly probable that some do but may not end up posting a response. Hopefully you will get one though.
Have you talked to a psychiatrist or psychologist about this specific part and the effects you are feeling from it?
Best wishes 😊
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