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  • Author : CheerBear
  • support : 5
  • Topic : Our stories
2019-02-07T06:03:33+00:00
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Hi @eth and everyone. Great topic eth and one I'll look forward to reading as it comes along!

 

For me grief feels like something inside me is really hurting, somewhere usually in my chest but it is a deeper ache - different to the tight sensation of anxiety that also sits in my chest.

 

Though I try not to, I tend to bottle things up until it gets to a point where a small thing gets to me (about a bazillion possible triggers) and I feel myself fighting back tears until it all tries to pour out. Big grief cries also come from somewhere deep inside me. I usually manage to save them until I'm in a safe space either on my own or sometimes with a helpful helping person. I can feel pretty exhausted initially after a big cry but often better later. Sometimes (lots of times) grief is behind anger I can experience too.

 

I feel grief over some relationships I don't have anymore and ones that have changed, but I feel maybe the most painful grief over intangible things. It's the lost things like dreams and hopes, my sense of safety, time, changes within myself (my mental health being one), trust in others (and myself), beliefs I once had etc. that hit me the hardest. I've found it a bit confronting to realise this as I would have thought lost relationships would have hurt me the most. I feel like they maybe should hurt the most and am kind of ashamed that they don't. In saying that, I know grief is complicated and there's no right or wrong with it.

 

A really interesting (I think) term I learned last year when I was going through something very painful is "disenfranchised grief" (grief that isn't socially acknowledged/accepted). I think disenfranchised grief is a huge problem for many of us who hurt over things that others can't understand or recognise, or that are minimised or dismissed entirely. It helped me to understand how different kinds of grief might be experienced differently. Here's a handy article on that one if you're interested @eth and anyone. 

 

Long story short - grief makes lots of sense and no sense at the same time I find. It can be so complex with so many layers to it!

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