Thanks for your input.
I am questioning whether couples counselling will have any affect at all.
In a way I am doing it to air my concerns and feelings in a safe and controlled environment.
It has been communicated to my partner that this is our final attempt before separation.
I'll also note that he had been cared for by the short term care team last year (he lost a parent, which exacerbated things) and medication numbed his moods to the point he was a zombie. He's still on meds (reduced mg), but the moods and behaviour are still prominent on/off.
I believe this is due to ASD or Borderline PD.
In regards to myself, I had a terrible emotional, sexual abusive relationship with my first longer term b/f in my late teens. I then had another b/f long-ish term who was ready to settle, more responsible, but controlling, so I ended it.
After that, I was in a relationship with my current partner (we were friends for a couple of years prior). Cracks started to show early, I got pregnant and my morals told me to stick it out. I was wrong.
Over the years I have grown, matured and have a stronger sense of self than I ever have. Unfortunately I consider others feelings before my own too often. I can be a bit soft, laid back and absolutely hate conflict, so I let things slide. I don't hold grudges, I forgive easily and I like to help people with problems. My partner is a problem I can't solve, so I have stepped back and removed myself from being responsible for his choices or behaviour anymore, which has led me to where I am now.
I'll admit, I should have left years ago. But I didn't, so I don't dwell on the past and focus on being present and dealing with where I am now in the relationship, not to make the same mistakes I've made and not to enable any behaviours.
I'm in control of my own choices and while there is a level of fear for the unknown, I know I will be strong enough to deal with whatever I decide to do.
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