I think it is difficult if your partners @Smile82 @DOT2 @Anastasia have low insight into the difference between being unwell, and being unstable. Because quite frankly, someone threatening suicide if the relationship ends is unstable and needs immediate medical care. If they are unable to see how unstable that is, and this becomes a pattern of push-and-pull where suicide is used to keep someone bound to a relationship, there needs to be some sort of drastic intervention however uncomfortable and embarrassing that is. They may need to be in an intensive DBT course, which most seem to be long ones of 6 or 12 months or one-on-one therapy. People can experience suicidal ideation, SH without any trauma history, mental illnesses are illnesses in and of themselves, trauma and neglect doesn't always play a major role.
Word on the street is that people tell me the in vogue thing for married couples to do in these sorts of situations is to use a third person temporarily to plug the holes in your failing relationship, only to return for the 876,00,567,00,328,000 time; while deluding yourself you still have credibility. Dozens and dozens of innocent, unassuming women and guys, seemingly with no heart of their own that may be broken. Just objects in space to be used as a service, no credit card necessary.
But you guys are sensitive and thoughtful so some other path has to be found that isn't 'people like that'. I can't really see any other way except individual therapy before couples therapy. When was the last time you were single? Have you ever been single? If the answer is no, I don't see how you could possibly know your own reactiveness and patterns of behaviour, ie: you are still your own unknown.....Corny dog
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