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  • Author : DOT2
  • support : 7
  • Topic : Something’s not right
Casual Contributor

Hi there, 

I understand exactly how you feel. 

My partner has suffered with mental illness from before we met,  has what I believe to be undiagnosed ASD and possibly BPD. Formally diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I feel is a result of the undiagnosed conditions.

We have been together for over 12 years and also have 2 kids. From my experience, it sometimes gets easier, but the cycles keep happening over and over. Some boundaries have been agreed to over the years and are working,  but not without resistance and episodes of intense unregulated emotions for hours or days at a time. I'd say life has been in turmoil more often than it hasn't. I've been at the crossroads more times than I can think of and I am there yet again. 

We are starting couples counselling soon and I've been very clear that this is make or break. His illness has had a negative impact on myself and the kids,  so I've decided that it just can't continue without progressive steps towards positive change. 

My partner also talks about suicide with every emotional episode he has and also states that if I leave with the kids, he will commit suicide or that I will regret it.

I am not responsible for his decisions or happiness, nor are you for your wife's.

The guilt of leaving someone who is suffering an illness is horrible,  but if your own identity and hapiness is diminished or non existent,  then that is not ok. 

It's a really tough situation to be in and it is a lonely and stressful life, regardless of how much self care. 

I wish I could offer more, but I'm in the same boat and still don't know how or if I am going to separate. Deep down I want to part ways,  but my empathy is telling me otherwise. (he is a caring,  passionate and loving person with so much to offer when not hindered by illness) 

I will be weighing up the pros and cons of leaving vs staying when attending couples counselling, so it can be discussed in a controlled and professional environment. 

Would your wife be willing to do some counselling together? 

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