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  • Author : Daisy18
  • support : 3
  • Topic : Something’s not right
2021-02-20T19:16:42+00:00
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Having it finally click that there wasn't something quite right with my partner may have been the best and worst outcome. I'm hurt, I'm angry, I feel hopeless. But believe me before that I felt good that it all made sense now ! 

I am currently experiencing an early pregnancy with the stressful label of threatened abortion. I was put on bed rest, no work, do nothing and keep calm and happy for 10 days. My partner was very supportive and loving until he decided to get irrationally angry over a stupid topic. I let him know that I was getting quite stressed by this  and to let's put it aside for now as I felt my health and mental state was a priority at this point. He ran away this day, the day we were to get a scan to see if the baby still had a heart beat.

 

At times living with him was hell you were always on edge. A constant emotional roller coaster and it was everyone else's fault but surely not of his own doing!  I have no idea how this is really affecting my 15 year old son he tells me he is fine. I explained to the doctor his behaviours, how it looks in our home because he needs it this way etc. I explained both my partner's father and older sister had schizophrenia but I didn't feel he had this. The doctor suspected Bi polar but without seeing him this was not an official diagnosis. I went home and I read on it for hours..... it all clicked into place ! It was mostly all there I could even figure out what type he was. I felt validated he kept trying to convince me otherwise over the years. I also felt immense sadness for him and gained further understanding. He always talked about his mind and how he suffered and what it was like but this took years mind you. But finally we had something to go on. Following instructions on how to broach the subject I called him checked if he was calm and went on to tell him my suspicions. He agreed to see a doctor. He then cancelled, told me he would in a months time. Next thing I know he tells me we must depart via text!  

It's been 3 weeks he still hasn't come home his stuff is still here. He says we are over. I've reached out asked if he was okay that I'm here. He keeps telling me we aren't together. But nothing is happening I'm stuck in this miserable position of wanting to help him but also to just move on with my life. I hate his illness !!!!! I hate how everything I read tells me to not take it personally !! Tells me he's not self aware in denial etc ! Who cares! Why couldn't I find any information, you tube videos on what it's like for the those on the outside. It took way more digging. All I know is that I'm trying to get through to him, iv given him space and he is so out of touch now he is saying crazy things that literally makes no sense and he is raging and the next he's some passive aggressive guru in touch with the universe and life lessons he learned from our relationship. The baby is fine he won't talk about the future on this and I can't help but imagine the worst for my family. 

I wish I found this forum earlier, maybe I would have done it better, maybe if I felt like there were others in my situation at the time I wouldn't have reacted. My mother doesn't understand my need to follow through and end it if that's what he wants because I'm done. As she says but he's not a bad man no he's not but she has no idea how dark it gets. But maybe some of you will and I just can't take it anymore. I really do recognise the strength of you all who do remain I feel sad that I don't have it in me. 

How do I get out of this situation? If he is behaving sorry but "not right" do I just make all the decisions. I don't think there is a way to get though to him now. 

 

 

 

 

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