Hi @KayEmms, welcome to the forums and thank you for reaching out.
It really sounds like you've been going through a lot, and I just want to say that I hear you and am here for you with the hope of circumstances improving.
It sounds like your husband might be experiencing psychoses? Have a look at this resource and see if that sounds right to you. If so, though the resource is fairly long, it provides a lot of potentially helpful information which can guide you through this journey
One of my biggest takeaways from mental health first aid (MHFA) training supporting people experiencing psychosis, is that it's important to empathise with how the person experiencing psychosis is feeling. When someone is saying that something extremely unusual or untrue is reality, it can be a natural response to say that it's untrue or ridiculous- especially if it's personally hurtful. The approach advised in MHFA training is to engage with and validate their emotional response- e.g. if they believe people are spying on them in their own home, that must be terrifying! Maybe closing the curtains/blinds would help them feel more safe to be able to talk. While their thoughts and beliefs may be about things which are not grounded in reality, their emotional responses to those are very real, as this is their lived reality. Denials of their reality are likely to increase distress further. The resource I linked above provides a lot more guidance on how to have these kinds of conversations, I do recommend having a look through.
Also, while your husband may be affected by mental illness and be in need support, I can also see that this is having a significant impact on you as well- so I also encourage you to seek support for yourself. A starting point could be this page under the section 'What help is available for family and friends?'
If you need urgent assistance, see Need help now
For mental health information, guidance and referrals, see the SANE Help Centre
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