- Author : KayEmms
- support : 5
- Topic : Something’s not right
I've been married for 10 years and have been putting up with my husband's (very false) accusations to me. Usually about me, my family, work colleagues, neighbours and friends. I think he has some sort of delusional or paranoid disorder and want to get some help for him, but don't know where to even start.
He sometimes seems to go into a bit of a dark mood which can last for an hour, or a day or two... where all of a sudden someone is spying on him, or someone is doing something deliberately to hurt him, or phsycologically abuse him, or play mind games with him. He thinks so many people around him for some reason are Narcissists and are all out to somehow harm him mentally or physically and play silly mind games. He somehow convinces himself that a whole series of events can only mean that something bad is happening either to him or to me. A noise he might commonly hear from the neighbours house "must" mean that they are always walking to the window and spying on him to watch his comings and goings. I can never convince him otherwise when trying to discuss other possible and very logical conclusions of certain events that he has witnessed or heard. A logical discussion rarely works. Sometimes it helps, but usually he seems to have his own narrative in his head, and he only looks for certain clues and events that support that narrative. He can't seem to see the bigger picture.
He has on multiple occasions falsely accused my family of being incestuous, simply because we are a close family. He is convinced my brother is spying on him, and frequently asks me about whether my family are trying to take me away from him. He is paranoid that they are going to talk to me and make me leave him. He is so fearful of rejection and seeks regular re-assurance from me about literally everything from do I still love him to do I support him, or do I think he has done a good job. I hardly ever get to compliment him or offer kind words off my own bat, because he is frequently asking me these questions to draw out that re-assurance from me, instead of just waiting for me to notice something or give him my gratitude or praise for something I appreciate.
He believes that all my family have a mental illness, especially my brother.... and before you make any comments about this being what everyone thinks of their in-laws, this is something well beyond just having a dislike of in-laws.
He has asked me on multiple occasions about how close I am to my brothers, father or male cousins, always seemingly trying to find some sort of evidence or clue that we are all in some sort of incestuous relationship. He is obsessed about any other male in my life, whether family or work. I constantly feel like i am being put on the witness stand with all the questions and often get asked if I am seeing anyone else, or if I have had close physical contact with another man, whether friend colleague or family.
He is always asking me who I spoke with today, how many boys I work with, are they good looking, etc etc. These are real jealous types of questions that I am often defending myself and my family, my neighbours, and even people i havent' even met.
I've given up contact with many girlfriends as he is constantly asking me questions if I ever go out anywhere, even just for coffee. Where did we go, what did we talk about, who else was there. He always asks "Who else was there?" without fail... Then he will accuse me of hiding something because he wasn't "invited", so there must be some sort of conspiracy that we are planning for me to leave him. Or he will try and make me feel guilty because if I had nothing to hide then there is no reason why he can't come along. We are after all a married couple and should therefore do everything together.
Thankfully he is not a violent person, but his mental attacks are debilitating enough. He does not take drugs or medication, but long before I met him, he had smoked marijouna for many years, so I think this has definately affected him long term.
It is so exhausting and I am at the end of my tether. I've lost all my friends and don't know where to turn.
I love him, but cannot live like this anymore.
How do you get someone the help they need when they believe everyone else around them has mental problems and can't see that they have a problem? I cannot reason with him. It always ends in arguments and tears.