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Canine87
Contributor

Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

Hi there, i am a 35 year old male, who has had anxiety/depression since 16.

 

I thought i might introduce myself, and tell my story. It is quite a long story, but i shall summerise for you all. 

 

I first started getting anxiety/panic symptoms at 15. I still remember the day in question, i was going to a mates place, and i hadnt been picked up yet. I had woke up, had breakfast. Then i just got this wave of panic/anxiety...and it made me want to throw up. It lasted on and off for a few hrs, then i felt ok. These kept occouring. Mum took me to drs, who ran a blood test, it came back normal, dr put it down to nerves. I felt fine for a few months, then they started again. We moved interstate, and i was fine until one morning i at high school i feinted. I went to drs, and during that visit and the follow up visit, i was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder.

 

High school was not a fun time for me, i had only a few friends. None have lasted to the present day. Most importantly, i never had any highschool romance. I actually remember a girl saying "you will never get a girlfriend here" there was the odd few girls, that actually cared about me, and would ask me how my day was, but for the most part, girls would ignore me. 

 

If we fast forward to working life. I worked in a job with a high turnover of staff. I had a crush on a few girls, but they all said "i dont like you in that way" this continued, sort of like a "rinse and repeat" scenario. 

 

Thinking back, i have now realized i tried too hard to get girls approval.

 

If we fast forward to 2018, i had a fall and i ended up breaking my hip, this was misdiagnosed for about 7 weeks, but it eventuated in a full replacement surgery, in which i have had problems afterwards, this has left me with a little walking limp etc. This whole situation has just shot down any self esteem i had. 

 

If we fast forward to last year, we had a new girl start at work, we got on really well, she was let go after about 6 weeks. One of my married co workers, told me she was single. I was too scared to ask her, so she ended up asking her.i had the same reply i have always gotten "just friends". My co worker said "dont worry about that....if you hang out with her enough, it could quickly change" 

 

We were very close whilst working with each other (we still are). I still remember her last day, she wasnt much of a hugger, but she let me hug her. She later said how she "felt feelings" when she hugged me that night. And that she had never felt those feelings in many years. 

 

If we fast forward, everytime i asked her if there could be "anything more than friends" she said she doesnt think we would work out, and she has a very strong emotional attachment to me.

 

As a friend, this girl is just amazing, and she cares for me. It causes me a lot of heartache though, because i have such a strong attachment to her. She is the only girl that has ever liked the real me, she is happy to catch up every now and then. We usually go out somewhere for the day. She is now a very huggy person, and is fine with me getting a few hugs. (I dont get many in life).

 

It is really weird, i was always depressed and lonely, but now i have met this girl (same one above) who is just amazing. Even as a friend, i have realized i have been missing a girl in my life. It makes me so depressed at times, i realize how all i want is to be in a normal relationship, i just want my first girl friend (pretty obvious at the moment, it wont be that girl). So i get on all the dating apps (eharmony, tinder and bumble) no sucess. I cant get matches. If i did get a match, they just stoped talking to me. I also had another one that seemed ok, but i realized she wanted me to invest money into crypto currency. So i blocked her. (When i said i dont want to do that(crypto), she got very defensive and blamed me). I know how the scams operate, so i knew to play it safe and just block her. 

 

I have been talking to a psychologist, but i feel it isnt really going anywhere, so i have delayed going back and booking another appt. 

 

This is where i am up to now. I have waves of feelings of not feeling good enough for any girl. I can be going about my day, and it just hits me. I have had two breakdowns in the last 6 months (yes i go to the dr, and yes i am on medication!)

 

I can elaborate on anything i have posted, if any of you want any more info. Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

21 REPLIES 21

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

Hi @Canine87 

 

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds very disappointing and confusing dating and getting brushed off. I find that nature of dating is that many people ghost each other so I wanted to reassure you, it's not just you.

 

I don't think people invest much in dating or first dates with apps now as they can go on 100 a year or something . 100 first dates a year. So each individual exchange or Meetup isn't so significant to them.

 

Im of a similar each to you and didn't really make any deep connections at school. I only have one friend from school. I think this sets up socialising as an adult as a harder thing. A lot of people stick with their friend group from their teens and didn't really make friends as adults. Me personally I was lonely at school and don't have that group to stick with.

 

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

@EternalFlower 

 

Thanks for the reply!

 

Yes one of my friends i used to work with, cant figure out why i have such a hard time finding someone.

 

On the plus side, i got a rescue cat (tonkinese X) and she is very affectionate. She gives me a little bit of purpose now, i get up in the morning and give her breakfast, and change her water etc.

 

I basically have 2 friends, that girl, and a lady i work with, her son (and her as well, so thats 3) That lady, is my go to when i am not ok. She said to me once at work "if your not ok, make sure you tell me ok?" So i have kept that promise.

 

I have walked in before and had a chat when i felt overwelmed. She always has good advice. And did give me a hug when i felt down. (Also said all i need to do is ask for a hug).

 

I do just get waves of lonely feelings though.

 

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

Glad you're getting hugs @Canine87 when I was at a hospital a man saw I was sad and asked if he could give me a hug and I said yes. So you can offer hugs as well....who knows....maybe someone around you needs one. I am sorry you don't have many opportunities to get hugs.

 

I like cats too. Your cat sounds beautiful. What is its name ?

 

No worries if you don't want to share.

 

I think there is a difference between having a friend and having a group of friends. Please correct me if I'm wrong but i get the sense you are looking for a group of friends, as well as a partner.

 

I can't think of the last time I socialised with a group of people. But I guess many people of my age are having kids so mostly life is focussed on that. I am about your age as well.

 

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

Hello @Canine87 , I believe this information may also be relevant to @EternalFlower, so I hope it proves helpful to both of you.

It's common to face challenges when it comes to relationships with women in today's society. I understand that you've experienced anxiety and depression, as well as difficulties in connecting with women.

 

One approach that may be helpful is to shift your mindset and gain a new perspective on how to interact with women. Here are some resources that could assist you:


Dan Bacon's YouTube channel can provide a fresh perspective on women and attraction. You may start by watching the video and reading the blog below:

 

Video: 2 Funny Things About the Friend Zone

 

Blog: How to Get Out of the Friend Zone With a Woman

 

The book 'The Way of the Superior Man' can also provide valuable insight into the differences between masculine and feminine energies and what makes a man and a woman.

 

By gaining a new perspective and increasing your confidence, you may find success in your interactions with women. Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions or need further clarification. Best of luck on your journey.

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

@EternalFlower 

 

My Cats name is Alaska (thats the name she was given...i like it though, its different).

 

Yes, i do in love hugs! I cant really explain why, i think its because it is the only sort of affection i get from a female.

 

I remember when that girl did reject me, as stupid as this sounds, i said the following:-

"Can i ask you for a favour though?"

"Sure"

"I really like hugs, they make me feel special, can i get the occasional hug?" 

"Ofcoarse you can" 

 

She does really care for me, she actually came to my drs appointment with me, when i was super depressed. 

 

Yes, i would love a group of friends, i do a job where i work with majority of women, but that can be good, and bad. 

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

@EmpoweredPath 

 

Thank you for the info. I will look tonight. Actually, when i last asked her. She said the following:-

"Thank you, but that doesnt change anything....its nothing to do with you, i would not date anyone at the moment, i tried it recently and it did not work out"

 

One of my coworkers said "did you notice, for the first time she didnt say "no just friends" and i said "yes i did...but i am also not holding onto that" 

 

I have dipped my feet into pick up material before, it never changed anything....(i read "the game" by neil strauss, and i had a few pdf copies of a few more books. That girl is always very honest with me. For whatever reason, she doesnt want to cross that line , unfortunately. But as a friend she is the most amazing person. So caring and when she says she will go somewhere with you, she means it. 

 

Yes, my depression and anxiety is holding me back.

 

 

 

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

Hi @EmpoweredPath I don't date women so it's not relevant to me. Im a het female.

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

@Canine87 

I haven't read "The Game" by Neil Strauss, but one thing I can say is that I'm not a fan of pick-up techniques. Understanding the fundamentals of masculine and feminine energy can help you attract women naturally, without resorting to any tricks. To me, pick-up methods lack authenticity, and if you have to act like a pick-up artist, you've already lost the game. Instead, I recommend learning from Dan Bacon, who can help you identify the mistakes you're making and shift your mindset to attract women effortlessly.

 

Remember, developing yourself is an ongoing process, and reading "The Way of the Superior Man" can be a great starting point. As you apply what you learn to your life, you'll notice small changes that boost your confidence and motivate you to keep growing. But above all, it's crucial to be true to yourself and avoid pretending to be someone you're not. Authenticity is key to forming genuine connections and attracting the right kind of partner.

Re: Thought i would Introduce myself and my story

I'd say don't overthink it @Canine87 and go on as many dates as you can.

I hope U find some support here as well.

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