Lived Experience Forum

[Tj91]

My Partner (I should say ex) is leaving tomorrow to move back into his mums place. He was a step father to 3 of my kids and is a father to 1 child. He always treated my kids different to any of his families kids and his own. lately I can see how much he dislikes them as he doesn't want anything to do with them. He has helped a lot but always brings up the past and puts me down like I'm this evil person who has done nothing. For example every day I get up and get the kids ready for school, make him a coffee, clean the house, do the washing, pick the kids up, bath them all and cook dinner and put them to bed etc like any mother but he sits on his phone all day yet has naps and always says he's tired (I do trust him though) but he is a man yet leaves everything for me. I pick up after the kids but he expects me to pick up after him to and it's frustrating. I asked him last week and many times before but he says you can't do that when you do it for you kids? Like am I thinking wrong or is this what mums and being a partner do 😕 I'm so confused and no matter what I do I'm always wrong! I do everything I can for him  but it's never good enough yet my family tells me I'm doing well and to not let his thinking get to me! But how can I not he will call me names and put me down anyway he can. I tell him if he has nothing nice to say then don't say it at all (when he's being nasty to me verbally) and he will tell me don't tell me what I can say yet won't let me say anything in return. I'm sick of fighting and feeling like I'm not good enough. I don't want us to be this way but most times I've noticed in relationships I've seen in my life time with family and friends it never works out. I'm just so confused and feel like this 3 year relationship has been for nothing. We have had so many good moments as well as bad as any relationship but lately it's just been really crap and I'm not worth it to him. Another things he always says is kids should listen the first time and it shouldn't be repetitive kids ages are 2, 6, 8 and 11 the older 2 it's not as repetitive but there are times. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I'm just so hurt and confused I just needed to speak with people I didn't know so I can get another outlook on it all. Thank you all so much for your time it means a lot to me 🙂 and thank you in advance for any comments left on my post I appreciate it a lot 🙂

[unsure2021]

I do not believe that him not picking up after himself and not helping around the house is normal, however sometimes it is the way that they are raised that influences how they behave / think/ Act. him always getting on your case and being critical of you etc also is not acceptable. kids learn by repetition so whilst adults may expect it to be different it generally never is - again also influenced by upbringing and people who had input into their life growing up. You are entitled to feel how you feel and you are allowed to speak your mind. breakups are hard but sometimes they are blessings in disguise - they never feel like one whilst going through it but after awhile when you look back you can see things more clearly in hindsight.

[Mazarita]

Hi @Tj91 and welcome to the forum.

Sounds to me like it is a good thing that he is your ex. But I have no children and I know that families have different dynamics. I've only experienced couple problems. There have in my life been five relationships that have been longer than one year. One of about a year, two for about five years, another about 9, and I've been with one man now for 17/18 years. I was married and divorced once when much younger, now I'm 58.

A man who talks to you the way you described could be considered verbally/emotionally abusive. That's the main thing I felt about him being your ex. I guess there must have been good things about him to get the two of you together, and maybe since then as well. People can be really bad in some ways and really good in others. But, as you said in your post, you are feeling the negative effects of his treatment, it may be robbing you of your confidence.

Everything you said about your ex, including his treatment of the children, made me feel he was a very unpleasant person to be around.

Wishing you well in your separation.

Maz

[Mazarita]

Hi @unsure2021, welcome to the forum to you too.