Lived Experience Forum

[MathastixX]

Hi,

This is my first time posting in SANE forum.. There's so many things I want to talk about, but I'll try to keep it short as possible.

I'm an international graduate student studying electrical engineering in Australia. It's been 6 years since I left my home country and live in Melbourne.

Over the past few years, I've been feeling regretful about my life choices and becoming more and more depressed. I feel like I'm stuck in a really deep hole and there's nothing I can do to get out.

I can't get myself motivated to study and I feel that I don't really have a reason to study overseas to begin with.. I've been skipping classes and failing subjects.

My mom kept pushing me to continue study and extend my visa, but I don't know if I want to continue my study or not. I couldn't build up my courage to tell her that I want to go back home or I don't want to stay in Australia permanently.... and it really hurts me to see her keep spending more and more money on me, her worthless son, so she can get me permanent residency and retire in Australia...

I don't know what to do... Honestly, I don't even know if I have the skill to complete my postgraduate course and this is only one of many regrets I felt recently... Can anyone really help me with my depression?

[Maggie]

@MathastixX  Welcome to the forums.

Maybe the first step towards help with your depression, is seeing your GP. I know that can be daunting, but you do deserve support. Or do they have a counsellor at uni you could talk to.

I can only imagine how homesick you must feel at times. Studying in a foreign country has difficulties of its own. I know there can be culture shock, along with many other things.

You are not a worthless son. You are doing your best. 

I’ll tag a few members who might have some suggestions. Take care.

@Judi9877 @MDT @Zoe7 

[Historylover]

 Hello @MathastixX   On the one hand you have a career to look forward to when you finish your studies and on the other you don't know if that's what you want - or if you want to stay in Australia permanently.

The pull back to our place of birth - and where we were 'at home' - where everything was familiar can be so strong.  I only moved to a different state and I also experienced strong pulls back to what I knew for many years. 

I  don't know how close you are to your mother - but she is obviously concerned to make a good future for you.  Can you talk to her?   Perhaps take the time to sit down and put your feelings in writing and let her know that you just don't know what to do for the best.  Sometimes the written word is better than the spoken word where emotions are involved.  Explain your study difficulties, your concern with her continuing to spend her money and your indecision as to whether you want to continue with your studies and residence in Australia.

Study is invaluable but so is our happiness.  Consider your own  feelings and the advice we may give you but ultimately, you have to weigh it all up and decide.   

[Zoe7]

Hi @MathastixX As @Maggie has said - your first port of call should be your (or a) GP - they can help with initial diagnosis and also refer you to additional help if you need, Being at Uni also there would be counselling service you can access to help work through some of this. You do not have to go through this alone and having those supports in place can help.

As for the pressure you feel from your mother - it is your life and you need to do what you need for yourself. It is unfair of your mother to try to use yu and your situation here for her own gain - you have your own needs and wants and they are extrememly important. If you want to go home for your own happiness then it is worth careful consideration. Study is hard enough with all those added pressures on you and I have no doubt that is all adding to your stress and difficulties getting to classes and completing assignments.

May I ask how long you have left to go of your course. I ask that because if you are close to competing after so much hard work already it might be worth talking to your lecturers and tutors to work out a plan of what you can achieve and how to complete yor course. 

Depression takes away our ability to think clearly at times and certainly affects everything we do on a daily basis - so getting some help on that front as well as some help to work through your options I would encourage. There are decisions you need to make but they do not have to be made immediately - and they do not have to be made alone.

Seeking support here is a great first step and a courageous one so that shows me you have the ability to work through all this. Welcome to the forum and welcome to the community 

[Historylover]

As an afterthought @MathastixX - another option would be to buckle down and finish your studies if you feel that you can and make the bigger decisions after that.  One thing at a time.  

[MathastixX]

Wow, I didn't really expect this many replies in just few days. Thank you so much for your advice!

@MaggieI really hope it's just a bad case of culture shock. From what I know, people can recover from culture shocks... so that's one good thing to think about, but I'm not sure how long will it take for me to get over it. Sharing my problem anonymously like this definitely made me feel a bit better. I'll try talk to a GP once I feel ready to talk about my problems face to face...

@HistoryloverI used to be close with my mom, but... yeah... there's another long story to that. I do understand where she's coming from and I do want a great future for myself, but I have a mixed feeling about this... Melbourne's a nice place to live in and the people I've met have been very nice and friendly, but... there are things that I didn't really realise or expect before coming to Australia that made me regret studying overseas. @Zoe7 pretty much read my mind when it comes to what I think about this. When I was still in middle school, I wasn't really given any choice other than prepare myself to study abroad. It started from her crying and begging me to have a homestay in Sydney because she wanted to when she was a kid. After I had a good time in Sydney, she kept pushing me and asked me whether I want to start living in Australia as soon as I finish middle school or after I complete 11th grade. Back then, I was still an indecisive kid so I didn't have any hesitation to follow her, but now I felt like I'm being forced or at least manipulated.

There has been a couple of instances where I did have a courage to tell her I wasn't really happy or having a depression, but she kept brushing it off and telling me to get over it. Although I never write my feelings to her, but I really doubt she'll change her mind... If I had to write to someone about this, it would be my dad, but I have no clue what he thinks about it because we rarely talked...

@Zoe7Last semester was supposed to my final semester and I failed another 2 subjects. I'm very close to completing the course, but those last failures just broke me down severely. It was the first time I cried immediately after the exam was finished because I knew for sure that I was gonna fail the subject because of that. It absolutely made me doubt my own skill because I really did study for the exams and I was taking care of my sleep schedule and yet I still failed.

I really wish I could go back to my home country permanently and not just for a holiday. It's been on my mind for few semesters, but seeing how close I am to finishing the course, I guess you're right... I should at least try to complete my study before deciding to go back. I'm just terrified of what would happen if I fail again next semester... I don't want to keep extending my visa just because how close I am to finishing it.

Thanks again everyone for the replies. It really means a lot to me

[Zoe7]

Being so close to finsihing @MathastixX is a good thing. It is hard with dealing with so much though to be able to focus and pull yourself through. It seems like so much of your time is spent thinking about your mother and what she wants but maybe throwing yourself into your studies for a little longer should be the priority. Deal with the issues with your mother later. Decide whether you will regret not completing your studies and if that answer is yes then do what you need to get through these last couple of units.

Of course that is only my standpoint and only you can know what you can do for yourself. I wis you goodluck in makin those decisions.