Lived Experience Forum

[QueenBubsy]

After a few false starts, I have finally completed my first Psychology session with my new Psychologist, poor bloke, he didnt get a word in edge ways and I verbally spewed what I could in 50 minutes without taking a breathe and we are booked for our second session in a weeks time.

It felt good to put it into words, I have written and typed it various ways for various reasons (police statements, Victim impact statement, Victims of Crime Compensation claim) but to put it into words and get it out there was good, I feel validated, it still feels like a story I am just passing on, like it didnt really happen to me and I just sat back with keen interest and watched the whole thing unfold, but it happened, its real and its time for me to acknowledege all of these things, work through them and slowly move forward with my healing and self discovery journey.

So I am here, wading my way through this world of Mental Health and self discovery and healing and courage and Self belief and even though I recognise bits and pieces of the old me and am starting to come to terms with accepting the new bits and pieces of the new me, I am taking back the power, I am taking back my confidence, I am taking back my self belief, after all I survived what kills many women and I am here to tell my story.

[CrazyChick]

Welcome @QueenBubsy,

Thanks for contributing this post. I have also been through trauma and my psychogist told me that it is good for my recovery for me to tell my story. I often have difficulties trusting people, and often find it difficult to start talking about my trauma and feelings, scared that I won't be believed, or that people will think I am crazy. But when I find someone who is supportive and receptive to hear my story, it is hard to stop it just comes out. 1 hr sessions are just not long enough!

Hope it all goes well with your psychologist. Great that you feel heard and validated.

[QueenBubsy]

@CrazyChick Thanks for your message and support. I totally understand your trust issues, I am also struggling with trusting myself, after all the decisions I made it ultimately led me to the situation I was in so have a hard time even deciding what to have for dinner some nights just in case that decision ends up pear shaped as well.

Its been 14 months since I was able  get away from my abuser who happened to be be my partner at the time and its been made even harder as I have not been able to start proper intensive therapy until now due to covid and not being able to find a Psychologist I was comfortable with, so living with the aftermath of over 5 years of trauma and not having yet learnt the skills to cope and manage my mental health for over 12 months was a huge challenge in itself, its been a huge learning curve, I also started studying full time late last year and started full time work in January of this year, its been way too much in one go so looking at cutting my hours at work to 3 days, which gives me 2 days to focus on me and studying and still having a "normal" weekend with my partner, its just a juggling act until I find what works for me and for my partner and I.

I for some reason have never had a problem talking about the trauma and abuse and violence that  became part of my day to day life considering I did not tell a soul for the entire 5 years, I have been able to very freely and openly talk about it as if I am just retelling a terrible story I heard or saw on the news or read on a true crime blog or web site, it very much at this stage feels like I watched it all unfold rather than being the actual victim, it will be interesting to see how this unfolds in my counselling.