Lived Experience Forum

[Historylover]

Hello everyone. I am wondering what others have experienced regarding social anxiety because I think it is likely a widespread problem here - and perhaps we can take solace in understanding that it probably is everywhere. 

For me - I find it difficult trying to make intelligent conversation with someone I don't know. Trying to quickly find common ground with small talk can be difficult - even awkward - and trying to fit in also has to allow us to be true to ourselves.

Inserting ourselves into others' conversations might be seen as an intrusion yet not doing so can make us seem stand-offish.  Neither reflects badly on us - just the difficulty of the situation.

I guess I am trying to say - it's hell being human in new environments.  People are all so different - while we are also so alike.  Has anyone found the key?

[Appleblossom]

No keys to the kingdom here @Historylover 

You are making lots of valid points.  Meets my experience.  I have lots of social anxiety from way back....

[Former-Member]

The funny thing is, talking to people came easily for me before my break-up, and the weeks soon after.

I think then, I had trouble trusting people, because I felt like they were all just shutting off, going about the day to day lives, and gritting their teeth pretending to like me when it was absolutely necessary. That's kind of the image I had, because my trust was broken.

For that reason, I think maybe giving people a blank slate would help you feel more open. Have you had times when your trust was broken, and you're projecting your experiences on to them? Try to remember that the people in front of you are not THOSE people. The world is a big place, and there are many people who are prepared to treat you better than you have been already. 

And if it goes wrong, rinse and repeat. Keep the awkwardness in their hands. 

There's obviously more, but that's my biggest point... and I am not going to pretend it's easy. You can do it, though 🌹.

[LostAngel]

Hello @Historylover thats a very good idea for a post and Im sure lots of us on here can relate to the issues of social anxiety,I for one can relate it as for keys well Im still figuring myself out especially in regards to anxiety whislt trying to maintain relationships either family ,romantic or just people I run into at the checkout,small talk is not a faveourite of mine,Im not sure what the keys are but your right where all so different and yet alike maybe one key is acceptance or patience sorry thats all I can think of to say 

[Historylover]

Hello @Former-Member  As I see it - I have never been in social situations which had any depth, longevity or sincerity, or others where I did not have considerable responsibilities. 

I have currently thrown myself into the deep end of a new situation which is quite uncharted and it is proving quite a challenge.  I am quite unused to feeling so vulnerable - but don't worry, I love a challenge!  

[SJT63]

@Historylover we are all so different. I am really really good with strangers, a great one for mingling and I can always think of something to say.

Then as I get to know you, your opinion of me starts to become important, my Imposter Syndrome kicks into gear and I become withdrawn and awkward. We humans are fascinating.