Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

I live in a house where I'm expected to be better then my parents. I'm part of a system (as in did/osdd) and i seem to be the one who struggles with it the most. I don't know how long i can keep coping and pretending to be normal and perfect when really i screw up all the time. 

im only human, why cant they see that? 

[destructive]

Hi @Former-Member 

im also dx DID. I'm not sure how old you are or if your trauma is with your parents but I can see how hard that must be. I understand the preteninding. It can be exhausting. Sometimes it's safest though, especially if you're still in trauma. Do you have supports for yourself?

[Former-Member]

no, i dont. its been a few years and my parents are only just believing that i need to get a diagnosis. at this point its really obvious that i have did or osdd but they wont talk to me about it or take it seriously.

no one in the system thinks we're gonna be able to get a proper diagnosis for a few years which is really hard. its very stressful to be in a house where no one believes anything is wrong.

do you have any advice?

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member and @destructive 

I'm DID too, I also have family who refuse to believe my diagnosis, my mother is the main one who doesn't believe my diagnosis. She believes she would have noticed the signs but in all honesty we have a system that works on making us seem normal 3 alters and me (host) know how to play the part that it makes it really hard to tell whose out when it's one of us but we do it for my son who I don't want to be affected by us.  

And it works other alters appear when he isn't around especially when I'm stressed and at night when he is asleep and I wind down with movies or Minecraft my littles often appear. But getting a working system isn't rainbows and unicorns there are some alters that take a lot of mental strength to block from gaining control they are harmful but only to us. I get headaches a lot and it's hard sometimes to separate the noise they make in my head from the voices I hear too. Yes I have a lot wrong with my head but I had a damaging childhood from the day I was born so I guess it's expected. 

Honestly the lower you start with therapy the longer it takes to get a diagnosis. I would go straight to getting a referral to a clinical psychologist I got a diagnosis pretty quickly.

Honestly if your old enough and confident talking to a Dr without your parents I would do that I was told when I was 16 that if I didn't want my parents to go in with me then by law they had to wait outside. Sure there are some things that drs have to report back to parents but requesting psychological help isn't one unless things have changed since I was 16 I mean I'm almost 30 now.

But if you have any questions I'm happy to answer them.

[Former-Member]

Do you have any tips for convincing stubborn alters that they do have did/osdd. Because we have an alter who's having an existential crisis in the headspace after someone told her that she's not apart of a system because she hasn't been diagnosed (even though we're going to try and get a diagnosis in the next 8-ish weeks).

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member we have and alter that's similar, the difference is she doesn't want to be part of a system and we had big problems when a therapist wanted to try integration. She is a blocked alter on that her ideology of how to become separate from us and be her own person. (Can't explain it's outside forum guidelines). But honestly all we can say is be careful of situations like this. We have had similar stuff to the point of a forum we use to be on wanted us to put up a picture of our diagnosis letter to prove we wasn't faking it.

People in this forum are definitely more understanding. 

Also if this alter is a little of a middle maybe get them a diary or journal. Few of us have our own journals, we also have a communal journal as host cannot communicate with all of us yet so it helps we one of us needs something extra.

Sapphire

[Former-Member]

Thank you so much! It really helps knowing we're not alone, and thank you for the advice!

[Bellarose75]

Hi @Former-Member , I also have DID and C-PTSD and have been aware of this for the past 15+ years. Most of my family pretend it doesn't exsist and the others well treat me like I am going to have a meltdown at any moment, which is almost more exacerbating then the ones who prentend otherwise. I got my diagnosis pretty quickly when I had a breakdown from a clinic psychologist, at the time she was only a hand full that recongised DID in Australia. I have since changed to a new psychologist who specailize in DID and the roller coast started in earnest. I have at present 2 child alters (4 & 5ish) one other active adult alter and me. I am 16 and a drunk, recently I have had to sober up as there is a acohol ban in the house we live in. The host has been absent for months now and so are the other 3 adult alters that I am aware of. 

It is really hard to keep that "I'm fine" mask on, but is what our system does best. One of the other members suggested to go to your gp without your parents if you are able and get a mental health refferal to a psychologist and if you can find one where you live make in one who specalizes in DID. I am happy to answer any questions I can or just to chat.

[Former-Member]

Any advice on how to get through the times when one alter thinks that they dont have did/osdd and convinces themself that they're faking?

[Bellarose75]

That's a hard one. In the beginning we all thought that and nothing anyone said could change our minds. Only through therapy does it become easier for all of you to accept the way your system works. My smallest child alter still refuses to believe she is part of our system or that we are no longer 4, that makes leaving the house a real issue not that we leave the house if we don't have to. @Former-Member