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notreallyme
Casual Contributor

Crumbling

Hi, 


Dunno how to start so I’ll just start.. I’m feeling like my world is crumbling around me. 
 
My Mum recently had a fall & spent a month in hospital, which has brought a lot of issues around her age to the forefront. Including the possibility of us having to move in with her. She lives in the house where my dad used to physically abuse my mum & sister. I hate that house.
 
My husband (been together over 15yrs) is going through some heavy stuff that he’s only recently felt able to tell me (there were 3 very heavy, life changing incidents as a child/teen by different people). He really needs to talk to someone professionally but he’s not quite ready. And he also doesn’t think they will be able to help him (I disagree)
My stepdaughter has decided it’s too painful for her so she wants nothing to do with him till he gets help. He feels completely abandoned by her because of this & because as he puts it ‘he’s never learnt to forgive’ he says that his hurt is just turning to hate. 
The fracturing of my family is killing me inside
 
And just to round it out, my work is grinding me down. My site manager has been grinding morale into the floor for 7 months now. 2 other managers have quit, and if I didn’t have debts, I’d probly do the same. 
 
So, I don’t feel I’m being melodramatic when I say I feel my world is crumbling around me. It’s now at the stage where I feel apprehensive & anxious not every moment of the day, but pretty close... I hate being in the middle & it kinda just makes me shutdown...  So I know I should go talk to someone but I HATE face to face counselling because people are judgemental & I just don’t need the judgey eyes while I’m unloading... I thought I might try the chat services here but I’m still hesitant for some reason. So does anyone have any feedback on a chat counselling service?
2 REPLIES 2

Re: Crumbling

Hey. I'm so sorry to hear how hard everything is for you right now. 
Have you ever seen a counsellor/psych before? I can understand your trepidation to bare your vulnerabilities to a stranger, but I have never once found one to be judgey or make a situation worse. The worst counsellor I've seen was just not very helpful, but was still very warm and receptive. It can be so therapeutic to just unload to a listening ear, to have what you say about your situation reflected back to you. Can't do any harm! And it might be a good example for your husband if you seek help for yourself. 

You are carrying a gigantic burden. Please take care of yourself, I hope you find the help you need and things start to ease.

Re: Crumbling

Thanks Scatterbrain for the reply. I did see some counsellors as a kid, during my parents divorce, but I literally just sat there & didn’t say anything-despite feeling depressed. Funnily enough they didn’t think I needed help-I’m apparently good at faking happy when I don’t want to cooperate 🤷‍♀️
I’m cooperative now tho so yea, might be okay..
I think I did make some progress today though. I told my stepdaughter that I needed a break because we weren’t communicating effectively & neither of us wants to cause more hurt. She responded well. We both said we love each other. So I’m taking that as a positive. It’s certainly lifted a weight off my mind. Even if it is just pushing the weight into the future. That’s a future me problem & maybe future me will be better able to handle it then, but right now, it was killing me.
I also talked to my mum & she gave me the name of a local psychologist she had visited in the past & found helpful so I’m going to broach the subject of making him/us an appointment with my husband soon, hopefully in the next few days, but that kinda depends on my mood. If I’m low, I know I won’t be able to do it. So I’m just trying to pick myself up so I can do what I know is hard but needs doing.

Just wanna thank everyone on the forums, I’ve found a lot of comfort & practical ideas in the posts of others, even if I have nothing to contribute. Also hope my post helps others in some fashion. Stay safe, stay positive folks 😊
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