Lived Experience Forum

[Purpledepressiv]

I live alone. A man. I have 3 children and 4 grandchildren who live interstate. I generally enjoy solitude and do have a network of friends. However, when days such as Christmas Day or New Years or Birthday or Fathers Day arrive My sense of loneliness and my inability to connect on those days almost always bring up suicidal ideations and freeze my ability to reach out. I am generally good at reaching out but the feeling of being unlovable overwhelms me. My children are very loving and keep in touch quite closely. My feelings of unworthiness consume me when these days when my aloneness comes into focus occur. I am not planning suicide. Any ideas, please?

[flybluebird]

Hi @Purpledepressiv 

Welcome to the forums community. 
I’m Flybluebird & one of the peer support workers that work here at SANE.

I think many of us who find ourselves here will be able to relate in our own ways, perhaps similar things to which you shared.
I personally value such honesty with your experience and acknowledge that it is not always easy to reach out at those more specific times when it might be when we need it the most.

Ideas from my own experience I can share with you are:

(When I can) Planning in advance

- there a some specific days I can predict will have a certain type of effect on me, like mothers day - 

I have thought in advance what I can do for myself to make it more manageable.

For example, I will spend it going on a bushwalk, swimming at my favourite beach. These are mostly things I do alone, but b/c they are things I really love, it makes it feel less lonely & actually supports me b/c nature is one of my personal allies who I confide with regularily.
Also preparing myself for the feelings that will eventually rise & tending to them as I would a dear friend. (may sound cliche but self compassion is something I continue to practice for myself)

I also book in a therapy session for around those times, as that is something that works for me.

I think also being around others while I’m doing my own activity can be helpful at times - like walking a track through a park where others may be, or walking to the past the local cafe/shops & being around others - but not having the pressure to have to interact with others can sometimes help.

Pets can help a lot - although I do not have any right now - My dog was an incredible companion when I had days like you described. Such unconditional love & company (dogs) brought to my life. 

What about you? What have you noticed for yourself, that has or hasn’t helped?

I hope you find the community here on the forums supportive & maybe even worthy as an option for connection on those days that are hard.