Lived Experience Forum

[Jenn4]

Hi friends, how's it going? I have noticed a considerable drop in my confidence since I was diagnosed as bipolar 👎 And since my brain has been bipolar. I'm working on working my bipolar brain 🤷‍♀️ and getting meds on point, but any advice on how to get my confidence back up please and thankyou  I am a Christian also, so any Christian advice welcomed but also all advise welcomed. Thankyou ✌️✌️ 

[greenpea]

@Jenn4  Hi Jenn4 we have a Christian thread here on the forums. I am tagging @Former-Member  who maybe able to help re thread name. greenpeax

[Jenn4]

Oh yay, thanks @greenpea ☺️

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jenn4  welcome to the Forums. Sorry your confidence is deflated re bipolar diagnosis. Mental Illness label can shatter our sense of self. When I was first diagnosed (hospitalised) in my 20s, and they told me I had 'Boarderline Personality Disorder' (BPD) with 'anxiety' and 'major depression' - I didn't believe it, Oh, maybe the depression part  because I was suicidal. But I stayed in therapy with a PsychOLOGIST for the next 2yrs which helped a lot. I've needed antidepressants since (don't cope off meds) and I've come to terms with that. 20yrs later after a  major loss, they tell me I also have PTSD... i don't like these labels but see how it helps them decide best treatment to help us. There's a lot of people here with bipolar, it's nothing to be ashamed of and you will find a peace with this being part of who you are. I guess stabilising your mood is important so there is medication - are you ok with taking that? I didn't like taking meds for a long time but common sense prevailed. It's is the ultimate insecurity I think, to be told by experts that the way we see ourselves and the world is shakey, I get it, but we do  find our new normal, have the odd relapse we learn to manage better, and  confidence will come back  as we learn everything we can about our illness, establish healthy life routines and find a good social group. Easier to say than do I know, but you'll get there. A lot of celebrities have bipolar so stigma is less these days. Not that you tell any old person, be selective with that. It's personal. 

I'm just gonna tag @Shaz51  who knows everyone i think (👋hi Shaz🌷💙), she might know a good sane contributors with bipolar to connect you with, or recommend  a thread to read.

There's a couple of Christian discussion threads, I'll tag you to one but also, if you do a 'key' word search in the search bar, you'll find any topic of interest. 

Social threads I personally  recommend are:

- Good Morning 

- Everything Birds

- Dogs (theres a cat threads)

- Spring Clean Declutter

- Christian Chat

- Gardening

- craft

(so many more)

What are your hobbies?

@greenpea 👋hi💚🤗

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @Jenn4 

we have a topic tuesday coming up on Topic Tuesday // Let's Talk About Bipolar // Tues 23rd March, 7:00-8:30PM AEDT 

if you click on  here and then we will text you on the night 

how are you going today my friend 

@Former-Member, @greenpea , @Mazarita , @Former-Member , @Queenie , @asdf , @Tinsel , @Gazza75 

[greenpea]

@Shaz51  Hi Shaz51 I am alright. How are you doing sweetheart? I hope life is treating you kindly. Love peaxxx

[Mazarita]

Hi @Jenn4,

Bipolar 1 here, diagnosed about 10 years ago in my late 40s, previously diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety since my late 20s. I remember first being anxious and depressed when I was about 5 and all through my life since. This is not a great recipe for being a confident person in any deep way but I have found some confidence about myself in the world in different areas of my life, such as the creative field, where I feel I have achieved quite a bit over time.

But perhaps you more mean the way a bipolar diagnosis can create doubt and anxiety in us about whether we can believe in our own inner thoughts and impulses. That's probably common to people with various diagnosed mental health issues, a feeling that we cannot afford to just be our natural selves. That one is hard and I don't really have an answer for how to fix that.

I am not religious, but have a personal spirituality. It sometimes helps me to recognise myself as a child of the universe, meant to be here simply because here I am existing as part of the miracle of life. As with many different spiritual and religious approaches, those kinds of thoughts connect me to something far greater than any of my human frailties. I find some strength and peace in this and I know that something like it is part of Christian life as well.

No easy answers for you here, just some things in your post I can relate to. Wishing you well.

[Former-Member]

Liked what you say there Mazarita,
"I have found some confidence about myself in the world in different areas of life, such as the creative field"
that our confidence doesn't have to be all of me, but I can find 'confidence' in parts of my life. Guess we need to build on them.
@Jenn4 @ I'm in  a  slump this  week (no good to anyone) but would love to  hear how you're going with it all. No pressure. 🤗

[Jenn4]

@Former-Member , @Mazarita , @greenpea , @Shaz51 

Hi all. Thankyou so much for your responses and sorry for my late reply. 

I found many good and helpful words amongst what you said, and your solidarity, validation, encouragement and community is very very much appreciated. 

@Former-Member Hey. On meds, I do take meds. For the first year or 18 months after my diagnosis I didn't want to take them for various reasons but eventually came round to the idea and it was defintiely the right call. I can't (and don't want to) imagine my life without meds now, I expect I'll be on meds my whole life and I am super okay with that. I remember learning in Health in school that food is a drug, caffeine is a drug, anything that you ingest that affects your body/brain is a drug. So meds are another type of drug, and with the help of a doctor we can choose to take them to affect our body/brain in a way we choose, like we choose to eat certian foods or drink caffiene to affect our bodies/brains in ways we want 🙂 For some brains, meds prevent suffering that can't be prevented any other way and that is a good thing for which I am very thankful.

I also have a funny relationship with labels. I have come to think of them as loose, graceful categories. Everyone in the world has a different, unique brain, but some brains have similarities and it becomes useful, as you say, to group them. And study that group in order to be helpful.

I tend to conceptualise the human neurological experience as like this, 

We are all different. And it can be helpful to rearrange and categorise us loosely and gracefully like so as we understand.

Yes to celecrities being/having (whichever one you like) bipolar. This is a list I've compiled over time that has been helpful to me. One of the first things I did when I was diagnosed was start it. 

Alexander Hamilton 

Kanye West

Winston Churchill

Lily Allen

Ada Lovelace

Beba Rexha

Tanaya Harper

Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys

Kurt Cobain

Vivien Leigh of Gone With The Wind

Frank Sinatra

Sinead O’Conner

Eminem

Tupac

Juice WRLD

Graham Greene

Florence Nightingale 

Nina Simone

Isaac Newton

360

Mariah Carey

Demi Lovato 

Jimmy Hendrix

Russell Brand 

Mel Gibson 

Carrie Fisher 

Van Gogh

Virginia Woolf

Florence Nightingale

Earnest Hemmingway 

Buzz Aldrin

Sting

Catherine Zeta-Jones

Ludwig van Beethoven

My hobbies are, learning, reading, riding my horse, i'm converting a car to electric, climbing, playing the saxophone.. What about you guys? 🙂 

@Mazarita you're bang on the money with "a bipolar diagnosis can create doubt and anxiety in us about whether we can believe in our own inner thoughts and impulses" and "a feeling that we cannot afford to just be our natural selves". I suffer from that big time and am working through it. Thankyou for your companionship in it, it's okay you don't have an answer, understanding is very helpful irrespective. 

@Former-Member I hope you are out of your slump now  With it all I am going well, thankyou. My biggest challenge at the moment is that I sometimes get so tired and unmotivated that I can't get out of bed for periods of up to 10 days in a row. The frequency varies but it happened a few weeks back so I'm working on changing meds with my psychiatrist and in the mean time being afraid every time i get tired that it is the beginning of one of those in bed periods. So far so good though. I had a nap outside on the grass in the sun this afternoon when i was tired because i didn't want to go to bed and woke feeling refreshed so that was a major win and confidence boost.

How are you going with it all? Others too. 

Thankyou again and much love, 

Jenn 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Jenn4  @- so good to hear from you. And wow, you sound so well informed, well read and such a deep thinker. You've put in the hard yard and come far. So proud of you. Gosh, wish I had you're intellect, you're so smart and able to piece things together so well, I feel like a simpleton in comparison lol (but we must not compare). Sure, you /:we have our slumps, but we bounce back sooner or later... gotta hang onto that in the valley
How am I?... not good. Had upset Thursday (connected to my siblings of cause) and I donno, I cried for a day, resisted powerful SI (to do it 'Good Friday' - visuals and all). Kinda scares me that one day I won't think to resist or find things to distract. But did yesterday... putting fav songs to USB to have plugged in cd player just waiting to be turned on. So much easier.. Better than tv noise of late (I tend to have it on for company)... so much rubbish filling our brains there... more than we're aware of I fear, and the news lately...  such a trigger for me... not just the sexual crimes but the anywayway high profile people treat each other... No, it's better to have this music I like on the USB ready to go, and so much easier than digging  out 'the right's CD... Actually christined a voice recorder (tiny USB stick i purchased online some time ago) and actually figured out how to use it, to record one of my fav songs from YouTube (divice to divice) and got a buzz how well it turned out. Technology has come such a long way. Quite the distraction... Running away I know 😞 but trying also to acknowledge my inner turmoil pain (that sometimes rises up to smash Kevin the face anyway), try remember to stop them and then & do the breathing exercises and connect with / acknowledge that horrible pain shaking me from the core... And also try to sit in silence a while too... deep breaths... stop running... its hard. (But probably helps lower mybraging blood pressure if nothing else lol).
Gosh, it's 3AM and really quiet but really windy outside. Im So thankful for my four walls and soft bed.
Betta go. Nice talkin' with ya Genn4 xox