Welcome & getting started
10-01-2022 06:26 PM
Hi. I really need to talk to someone. I don't have any friends at all, I'm not on social media because my partner left me last week and I couldn't handle looking at his things constantly.. I haven't heard a single thing from him. I tried to call him this morning but it hung up, so I messaged and I haven't got a reply all day. I've been holding my phone checking it all day and nothing. I can't even look through my contacts and call or message anyone because I don't have anyone 😭. My mum is the only person I have and she's a 100km drive away and I've been waiting for her to call me everyday because I feel like a burden to her. I have nothing to tell her but I'm broken and can't control my tears. I'm just crumbling every time I sit down or stay still. I'm almost 30, a heart break isn't something new but this is just brutal..
10-01-2022 07:47 PM
Hi @Doryy, Welcome to the SANE forums. I'm one of the moderators.
I'm so sorry to read about your break up. They are very painful, no matter how many times we have been through it. It sounds like connecting with peers here will be a good form of connection as break ups are lonely.
I also encourage you to give our Help Centre a call (1800 187 263) and speak to a counsellor (or chat to one via sane.org) for some one-to-one support.
For 24 hour counselling or crisis support you can contact the following:
Lifeline 13 11 14
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636
Have you been drinking water/eating today? Crying is exhausting so I hope you have been able to look after yourself today.
Feel free to read our Community Guidelines & Info page if you are having any trouble navigating the forums.
See you around,
11-01-2022 03:14 PM
I feel for you. ...I am actually in not too dissimilar a situation from you. Mine might not be as seemingly brutal, however, I do feel cut off emotionally by a major and only emotional support. My only real outside emotional support. ...For me it was a friend.
I personally have been dealing with Asperger's in that I have very high sensitivity and I have been caught in a pattern of copping bullying for years. Before that I had a crippling anxiety disorder. It's been about 20 years of unemployment or underemployment for me. And my only close friend kind of emotionally abandoned me a few days ago, in that after wanting to acknowledge grief for my past struggles, she shut me down, saying things like: "I've only ever been bullied once in my working life", and that "Life is what you make it". ....Really quite invalidating, of not only my suffering but of my efforts too.
It is so hard when one has few people who you feel a true connection with; and who value and know and accept who one actually is. ...I have experienced much rejection in my life, sometimes on repeat. And, if I do say so my self: I am a lovely person. I bet you are, also.
I feel for you going through what you are going through. It feels like having a vital part of you torn away from you. It is very hard.❤
...Are there any memories of people who you felt really loved and accepted you? ...Try to remember those experiences. And remind yourself that just as you had them once, that you can have those experiences and kinds of relationships again. And you very likely will.
...If you are into Harry Potter: it's like summoning your Petronas by thinking of happy times in your life and happy relationships with others, and it can dispel the negative feelings surrounding you now.
And speaking of Harry Potter: I have many times in the past used the stories, especially the audio books to get through dark periods. (These are hard to find for free on youtube, but if you are a member of a library you may be able to rent for free the audio books online.) ...Any other great story that engages you may also help to temporarily take your mind off of the worst of your current situation.
Then after, you can come back to it. ...Like taking a mini holiday.
You deserve it. All of us do when things get to be too much.
...Another thing I can recommend is immersing yourself in nature. For me, nature is like a best friend. And I truly mean that. I suspect that far fewer people would suffer during lockdowns if they were fortunate enough to live among nature, where social isolation I believe is much less of an issue just because being in natural surroundings is uplifting and even arguably necessary for well being: being in nature is the antithesis of being disconnected. Some even swear by walking barefoot on the bare ground as curing ailments. Animals are the best friends a person can have on earth. Also, go within: do whatever it takes for you to connect to your spirituality now. That is an ideal antidote to loneliness, again, feeling one with everything.
Journaling can help you feel this connection.
I also like body focused based meditations, where you focus on feelings or traumas in your body and write down words that 'fit' with those feelings. I like doing this along with Inner Child therapies and visualizations, like imagining angels taking my pain away for me. After feeling my feelings in my body, and writing a word or sentence that captures best the description of that feeling. Then imagining letting that energy come out of my body and into the universe. Then visualizing healing energy coming into me. ...It may sound simplistic or silly, but more than once doing such a meditation/visualization has really helped me. ...Also: the beach and the Ocean can help cure depression. ...I my self take antidepressants daily. I find that they act as a buffer for me because I have a history of anxiety or depression. I do enjoy an amount of solitude, however. I connect with my spiritual side then. Solitude is good, great even. Loneliness is painful, though.
I hope you feel better. I am sorry that your boyfriend has left and seems to have cold shouldered you. Hopefully things can work out. Keep reaching out and making connections. There are also, if you are feeling low, different resources about, even support groups can be awesome or things like Meetup where you can join and hang around with others doing virtually anything, from hiking to meeting other single mothers or whatever... Some lovely people are out there for you. I've personally found a number of them in fact on Lifeline telephones!! (I have called a number of times lol!) Keep reaching out.
11-01-2022 03:48 PM
Break ups are hard, and I am so sorry to hear the loneliness you are feeling. I hope in reading @Lunalovegood supportive and understanding response, that you know you are not alone and that the SANE community is here for you We are all here for you any time you need to talk, or want someone to listen.
Thank you for your beautiful and heartfelt response, and welcome to SANE @Lunalovegood It sounds like you can really relate to Doryy through your own experiences in your life. This quote "I feel for you going through what you are going through. It feels like having a vital part of you torn away from you. It is very hard.❤" really resonated with me. I'm hearing a really deep understanding of the experience @Doryy might be feeling.
How are you feeling today @Doryy? Were you able to reach out to your mum?
11-01-2022 07:27 PM
Reach out to your mum. Even if you have a good relationship or not so good. It will give her a chance to be 'your-mum', at this time in your life. She would be a lady who has seen life, and this may be just what you both at this time in the universe may need. If not, well your back to sq 1. I have found in my 67yrs as a mum...that my boys love me, but don't reach out. I still give advice,& love. Allow your mum in however she can, be there for you. 🙂
12-01-2022 09:35 AM
Why am I not good enough. Why do I also feel this way. How do I speak everything that's on my mind. The questions are none stop.
My whole life I've been in survival mode, me and my mum have a good relationship now but growing up, it was broken and I never had a father. He died when I was young of drugs. My mum drank alot when I was growing up too.
I don't drink myself, I don't like it. I don't like drugs and always hated them because I grew up without a dad. I lost everything I owned in a house fire when my eldest, who is almost 9, was only 6 months old. My now youngest, who is 6, has adhd/autism, and I just feel like I have failed in life.
I've been in and out of employment, struggle to hold a job because of being a single mum. Each relationship I have had has been with an alcoholic and or drug user, and I am just so naive and oblivious because of emotions.. I am consumed by emotions and I have seeked professional help in the past. I have had neurological brain re training through frequencies, that helped but also made everything alot worse and it's been 2 years.
I honeslty just feel like I am getting no where and with no one.
It was less than 5 days and my ex already started talking and seeing someone else, to be exact it was the same day he left me.. and I was a mess everyday, when he walked out that door it felt like my life crumbled for the last time infront of me.
Yesterday he came back and I saw all his messages on his phone to someone and I knew it before he even said anything.. I feel so empty. I have never been good enough for a friend or even a partner to show I mean what they say to me. I am so easily thrown on the ground and left and it's where I stay. That hope is a tiny rope, but the one that doesn't break and it's the most painful knowing I will always be there for someone, I always push through what they say and do what they need. I am always at someone's door or just being present because I know. But it's just me and everyone walks out the door on me.
17-01-2022 09:03 AM
Hi Broken, my heart goes out to you. I have experience with abandonment from a partner. That feeling of despair and loneliness . Already lots of good advice shared...but just connecting with nature...even just sitting outside, eyes closed and doing slow breathing helps me when the emotions seem overwhelming. Take care.
Thanks for sharing. I can identify. I am totally broken too....but in worse situation. No family, no relatives, no close friends, no human contact. Just to carry on with life as best I can.
Hi @Owen45 ,
Your feelings and situation with having no supports really resonates with the place I was in a few years ago, it was a really dark and difficult time. I'm so sorry to hear that is where you are right now 💛
If you need extra support or just someone to talk to, I would really encourage you to reach out to the SANE Help Centre, or book a call/webchat with a peer support worker. It's so important that we don't feel alone in our pain.
Here with you,