Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[au_gust]

Thanks @nashy.  I have been getting some time away, but this has been spent doing things to make their life easier.  To clarify, "negative thoughts" do not mean of harm towards them; just fleeting thoughts like "why do I have to be the one to deal with this?", "I didn't choose this", etc.  These sorts of things might be helped with more time out for me (e.g. exercise, study), but then the guilt comes again!

[Carmello]

I Feel sadness ..... I guess I just want to make things easier and better for all ....and of course I can’t 😟

[Allanah]

Mostly sadness after the initial guilt.

being more involved would look like taking my loved one to sessions and working on their thinking styles with them. I'd also love to be able to pay for the specialist appointments needed. 

I dont really have any negative input from family as I'm the only one caring at the moment about my loved one. 

[Shaz51]

what emotions do you tend to notice come up for you after the initial guilt?

@nashy 

"why Me

"why not Me", mad, annoyed , sad , guilt for feeling that way

[nashy]

Yes it really can cycle like that @au_gust , what sort of emotions do you find yourself contending with after guilt? I think the problem I tend to find with guilt is the knock on effect. I have noticed when anger creeps in (generally if I feel I have let a loved one down)... mindfulness and music, other outlets can really minimise the intensity. For some it might be sadness, anxious thoughts etc. Keen to hear your ideas 🙂

[au_gust]

Guilt --> frustration, irritability, sadness.

[nashy]

@Carmello  I hear you. You sound to me to be a very empathic and compassionate human being, a gift and a curse at times. That feeling of wanting to soothe and ease some of their burden can create a heaviness. We're all sitting with you I think it's important to remember that sometimes the small gestures to loved ones have the most immense knock on effect. The little things can become one big beautiful gesture over time

[Carmello]

Thankyou 🙏

[nashy]

It's good to hear no negative input from family @Allanah But no doubt it can feel like a huge task being the only one caring for your loved one. Thank you for sharing this, our online community is always here to listen, and to hold space for your journey

[nashy]

Yep definitely relating, a cluster of feelings can crop up. This is why guilt is such a weighted one because I do tend to find it has the most charge in it. Perhaps because it's a bit of a war with self. Thank you for sharing this @Shaz51