Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

@Adge  

I hope you can have access to / can reach out for as much support as possible 

[Daisydreamer]

Here on the Friends, Family and Carers forum many members post about the impact of trauma on loved ones, at all stages of recovery.

For those that may hear about traumatic experiences that have happened to their loved ones, (Question 5): How do you respond to someone disclosing an experience of trauma?

[Cathyblueknot]

Question 5: How do you respond to someone disclosing an experience of trauma?

The bottom line for supporting someone who is disclosing trauma is to listen deeply, hear, and validate the way the person is feeling. It is important to say that you believe them, not question or try and solve anything but respond to how they are in the present in that moment.

Find out what the person needs and wants, who you might call, how you can help.

Disclosing is a critical first step and the way you respond is very important in a person’s process of recovery. What is important is that they have felt safe enough with you to disclose and trusted you with what may have been a secret before that time.

It is important to honour their experience, provide them with your support and then other options for ongoing support

A helpful resource Blue Knot has is in the link below:

https://www.blueknot.org.au/Resources/Publications/Talking-about-trauma/Talking_About_Trauma_Public

[chibam]

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@Cathyblueknot wrote:

Some people recover some of these memories later on, triggered into the past memory. These are called recovered memories and research has shown that recovered memories are as reliable as memories which have never been forgotten.

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I thought there was a major scandal (back in the 80s? 90s?) regarding recovered memories and a lot of accusations arising from them that were later proven to be false?

Have there been developments since then that have proven those memories to be accurate after all?

[Former-Member]

Question 5: How do you respond to someone disclosing an experience of trauma?

I think it’s also worthwhile to not ask for details about the traumatic event/s that happened which can be unnecessarily triggering, but rather focus on supporting them in the present, and finding out what they might want or need.

[Former-Member]

@greenpea we have a question similar to the one you asked on our Lived Experience Q&A starting at 8pm AEDT- if you're still feeling up for it, stay around for that

[greenpea]

@MissTreated  I always felt mistreated and demonised and mad (I have schizoaffective disorder and ptsd). You must look after you and your children. Sometimes people (like myself) have to fall completely before they get appropriate help. I really didnt know I was sick .... mental illness is such an evil thing. There are some great psychologists out there and a stack of information on youtube. The internet is your friend in this. Again look after you.

[Malinka]

@Cathyblueknot I understand and try and practice the theory here, but it is so tough to do in the course of daily life. I'll be in the middle of cooking tea and helping kiddo with homework and loading the dishwasher, or rushing out the door to work, and he'll come up for a quick chat and suddenly disclose some horrifying past traumas that are difficult for me to hear about. I try to tell him I care but I can't listen right now, but he just ends up hearing I won't listen.

[Adge]

@Cathyblueknotsaid:

"The bottom line for supporting someone who is disclosing trauma is to listen deeply, hear, and validate the way the person is feeling. It is important to say that you believe them, not question or try and solve anything but respond to how they are in the present in that moment.

Find out what the person needs and wants, who you might call, how you can help.

Disclosing is a critical first step and the way you respond is very important in a person’s process of recovery. What is important is that they have felt safe enough with you to disclose and trusted you with what may have been a secret before that time.

It is important to honour their experience,provide them with your support and then other options for ongoing support".

Absolutely - That's how I approach it.

People need to be heard & believed.

My siblings & parent would not - They responded with Disbelief/ Denial, then shut the conversation down.

Adge

[Daisydreamer]

Here is our next question @Cathyblueknot and @Former-Member and it touches on some of the discussion about trauma within families that has been mentioned tonight. 

Question 6: Family members and friends may experience second-hand trauma in their supporting role. Or, there may be households where many family members are living with their own personal experience of trauma.

What support is available for supporters who may also be living with a personal experience of trauma?