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23-10-2018 08:53 PM
23-10-2018 08:53 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
"I see boundaries as loving guidelines to support not rules to be enforced" - that's a really insightful comment @Determined!
Boundaries like you have all mentioned are hard to set when things are tough but can be important to work through. Another thing that is tough to work on but equally important is......self-care! It is one of those necessary things everyone needs to put in place, but is also the thing that falls to the bottom of the to do list by the time it’s the end of the day! Do you engage in any self-care strategies and how do you make time for this? (we have about 7 minutes left everyone, so get in and share your self care tips!)
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23-10-2018 08:54 PM
23-10-2018 08:54 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
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23-10-2018 08:54 PM
23-10-2018 08:54 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
We actually had an open discussion about boundaries while my darling was in hospital (mental health ward) and before her discharge. I chose to do this so that I was able to walk away if necessary knowing she was safe. Cant remember exactly but I may have emailed my thoughts to her in advance to discuss with her nurse and discussed it on the phone. The phone discussion resulted in me hanging up and turning the phone off in line with nkt being spoken to disrespectfuly boundary. After initally being angry and deciding my councilor was an ahole she actually switched to sweet compliance. This turned out to be a disarmament tactict and did not last long. She has learned how to play on my soft side to get her way .
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23-10-2018 08:57 PM
23-10-2018 08:57 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
@Never_Lose_Hope Even 5 years on from diagnosis I will still google articles about BPD regularly. It also helps to bring me some peace after a difficult experience /encounter to reinforce the complexity of the illness and reduce some of my anxiety.
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23-10-2018 08:57 PM
23-10-2018 08:57 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
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23-10-2018 09:00 PM
23-10-2018 09:00 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
@LauzAs we know living (as we also do) with BPD is full of complex challenges. It is not that easy to say “I’m off to the movies now” or “I’ll see you in a few hours”. When we can, fantastic, but it is not something we can schedule into our lives. Our lives are different and when we take on this life, we take on the challenges with it. I like to read a lot of articles on line about how I am feeling or what I am experiencing. A google search from the comfort of my own home can lead me to forums where I can receive answers and support from others experiencing in a similar situation. I continually educate myself around BPD to remind myself of the challenges and it helps remind me that my husband behaviours are not about me, but about his immediate reacts of self preservation (of course this always can’t be an excuse), but when I notice extreme reactions or responses).
I would love to say I eat well and exercise, but this is not always the case, sometimes it’s about my own survival, and if that means a jam donut and a can of coke then so be it.
A shower works well for me, when I am feeling particularly anxious or fragile, and I often cry it out. This is a release of every emotion and is very helpful for me to reset.
I have also learned to take my own mental health days. Occasionally I will take a day off work if I am feeling emotional or fragile and if I need to stay in bed, have an afternoon nap or watch nonstop TV, they are things I can do from home, without any effort.
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23-10-2018 09:01 PM
23-10-2018 09:01 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
That time has come to wrap up this evening! That happened quickly!! I would like to say a huge thank you to our wonderful guest @Stacey_N. Taking the time to come and share your insights is so appreciated and I feel like we have all come away with some helpful ideas and a shared sense of validation in the role of a carer for a loved one with BPD.
Thank you so much to everyone for getting involved tonight and taking the courage to also share and engage around this subject - I hope you found it helpful! Feel free to keep sharing self care tips and I will close this thread tomorrow.
You can type BPD into the search bar at the top of the forums to find other discussions happening that you can join in on!
We have some useful resources from SANE Australia below and a I've also shared some helpful sites for more info on BPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder - factsheet
Websites:
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23-10-2018 09:04 PM
23-10-2018 09:04 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
Self care is something I consistantly fail at but I am working on.
We have recently been fortunate enough to move to a location closer to town that enables me to walk to uni and work so that is a big start.
I have recently conected with a retired guy with similar intrests and values (dad of a work collegue) so catching up with him regually for some social time.
More recently i have booked in for a motorcycle licence course and looking to buy a bike. Something I have wanted to do since I was 17 (long long time ago lol)
Getting nagged (aka supported / encouraged) to engage in more self care by the university councillor I see.
I am also geting better at following through with plans foe me rather than cancel when things predictably turn sour.
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23-10-2018 09:07 PM
23-10-2018 09:07 PM
Re: Topic Tuesday // Supporting Your Partner Experiencing BPD // Tues 23 Oct, 7pm AEDT
Thank you all for joining me this evening and sharing your experiences. It is a difficult experience to share especially with the complexity and stigma around BPD. You are all brave, courageous and caring souls. Our loved ones are lucky to have us, and I'm sure at some level they know and appreciate this. Goodnight .
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23-10-2018 09:09 PM