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NikNik
Senior Contributor

Topic Tuesday: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu **CLOSED**

 

Hi all,

 

We are very lucky to have author Michelle Vasiliu join us as our special guest for this Topic Tuesday. Here is a bit of Michelle's story:

 

I was admitted to a psychiatric hospital in 2007. At the time, my children were three and six. I was keen to ease their fears about what was happening to our family as a result of my illness so I searched for a picture book that would help me explain my illness to them. To my dismay, I found nothing that would meet my needs.

 

Eight years down the track, there is still a very large gap in the market for children's books about mental illness, in particular, books suitable for preschoolers and early primary school children.

 

This is in spite of the fact, that approximately one in five Australian children have a parent with a mental illness. Many parents struggle to find the right words when talking to their children about their illness. Some may even shy away from the topic altogether.

 

I wrote My Happy Sad Mummy for the parents and care givers of children whose parent, uncle, aunt, brother etc has a mental illness, who may need some kind of frame work to help explain their illness to the children in concern. In other words, it is a tool parents and/or care givers can use to begin an on-going dialogue with children about why these people in their lives sometimes behave in strange or distressing ways.

Having conversations about our mental health with children can be really challenging and can cause us even more anxiety! You are invited this Tuesday to share your experiences of what has worked for you & maybe what hasn't worked so well.

Hope to see you here 🙂

 

38 REPLIES 38

Re: Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEDT: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Good evening everyone! 

This month I'm pleased to welcome our guest, Michelle Vasiliu, author of '@HappySadMummy'  who is going to discuss with us ways to talk about Mi with children. 

Welcome to the Forums  @HappySadMummy can I ask what your thoughts are about always telling your children the truth? 

Re: Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEDT: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

I think it's really important to always tell the truth no matter how difficult this may be. Telling children there's nothing to worry about for example may teach them to stop trusting their own intuition and judgement ,or fill in the missing blanks. They might imagine all sorts of things that aren't true. They may even blame themselves for why their parent is behaving in a destressing way.t

Re: Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEDT: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Another important reason for telling the truth about your mental illness is we as parents or care givers are modelling that reality can be dealt with, no matter how painful or upsetting that may be. Telling the truth gives everyone the chance to deal with lifes ups and downs and hopefully, come out the other end a stronger person.

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Hi Michelle, the situation I have is that my husband is depressed and will often be overly critical towards the kids, react harshly to normal behaviour and is quite changeable - great parent in the morning, not so great in the afternoon for example. Apart from encouraging him to be healthy and maintaining boundaries around appropriate behaviour, are there particular things I can do in regard to the kids wellbeing given they are in the firing line, so to speak?

Re: Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEDT: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

How do you discuss your mental illness with your children? What do you tell them? What don’t you tell them? Why?

Re: Topic Tuesday tonight at 7pm AEDT: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Hi Michelle, 

Welcome to the forums & thanks for joining us for topic Tuesday!

I agree wholeheartedly that you need to tell children the truth. The hard part is getting that age/child appropriate. Each child is different, and also sometimes circumstances mean that it is necessary to tell one child more at a given age than a sibling was told at the same age. 

Do you have any suggestions about how best to weigh up what/how to tell kids? My own experience is that it is about considering the circumstances and what they can understand, but also not burdening them with your fears or issues. Stigma is also a factor - if they to know the diagnosis before they understand that it's not ok to talk with just anybody about it they can end up on the receiving end of this. Once out there it cannot be taken back.

Cheers, Kristin

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Just wanted to add that I have talked with my eldest who is 6 about how dad isn't well and it's the kind of illness that makes him very cranky and sad. This seems to have helped him not blame himself. Although I do wonder still about whether he will grow up to have that negative voice in his head.

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

Great questions from @Tatsinda and @kristin 

They are both interested in strategies  to communicate with their children, and protect their well-being.

@HappySadMummy is now writing replies to you both so it may take a few minutes. 

Thanks for your patience. Smiley Happy

 

Re: Topic Tuesday now open: How do you talk to your children about your mental illness - Featuring author Michelle Vasiliu

I also think there has to be a line between explaining to kids that someone isn't well, and using it to justify inappropriate behaviour from the adult. So it's tricky to be reassuring while at the same time saying the parent did the wrong thing, if that makes sense.
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