Lived Experience Forum

[NikNik]

This week's topic is 'How to handle a toxic workplace culture' It's a topic I know is important to many of our regular contributors. Hopefully we'll get lots of you joining in.

We will be covering tips and ideas for handling difficult workplaces, looking at mindfulness and self care as ways to cope in toxic cultures and also the importance of reporting workplace bullying and your rights as an employee.

Please join @Renstar from Ostara to share your experiences from 12pm AEDT this Friday.

@PurpleFlowers - did you have a question or some tips on this topic?

[pip]

I work in an environment where multicultural staff are regularly employed as part of an 'introduction to work force'.  I myself am an ex-pat Kiwi.  A fellow employee used to take much pleasure in deriding me constantly about my 'accent'.  I tried the usual 'ignore him', tactics, pointing out that my ancestors were in fact born here in Victoria.  I tried to change the subject, i.e 'you've had your fun' etc.  All I received in return from this person was, 'don't take it personally'  How else are you supposed to take this sort of abuse?  Eventually a fellow worker overheard him and complained to managment, unbeknown to me.  I reported to work one morning and was asked point blank was I being abused.  I was hesitant about confirming, but because I was so grateful I replied 'yes'.  This person is still employed, but has been warned.  I might add the abuse has ceased.  Had this abuse continued I would very likely had left the job that I enjoyed.  No-one need tolerate this abuse, we are supposedly a country where multicultural people are supposed to fel safe from abuse, ridicule.  O/seas people come here to live and work to make a better life for themselves and their families.  How can they if they are constantly derided and abused because of their nationalities, possible physical and emotional problems.  Apprentices are constantly subjected to what is called 'initiation processes'.  This too is utter rubbish and should be stopped as this too can lead to severe depression and suicide.  Toxicity in the workplace should be seen, heard by management and stopped.  Management toxicity also is rife and needs addressing.               

[Renstar]

Good afternoon and thanks @NikNik and @pip

Firstly thanks so much for sharing your story @pip ... It is so heartening to hear that you were helped and that management, although as you say is still a contributing factor to hostile environments, were able to stamp the rubbish out.

I suppose it's about culture isn't it? When that person said don't take it personally, did he/she think it was okay because it's 'what people do' in our culture ... deride and make fun of people as a way to have some fun. In other words they see it as ok.

They don't realise that it's humiliating and hurtful, that it is PERSONAL and makes one feel like an outsider. Fortunately your manager (and the person who informed management) agreed and he/she was warned.

Environments with cultures in which the management don't disagree with ribbing, poking fun and deriding people because of ethnicity (or any other reason for that matter) are toxic and harmful. 

Of course the law is on your side if you are being abused ... but getting to the point of doing something like taking legal action is an enormously onerous step and one that, if you have MI, you are not likely to do. Or are you?

Thanks for getting the ball rolling @pip 

Anyone else in a toxic environment wanting to vent? 

Hugs to you if you're out there hurting, please join us we may be able to help ...

I'll be posting about some recent case studies  soon .. hope you'll find that interesting as well.

[Renstar]

In a recent study it was found that emotional intelligence training is a key part of increasing management's ability to handle bullying amongst staff in workplaces where there is a high level or potential for workplace bullying and intimidation..

The workplace study was based in the nursing sector, the emotional intelligence training  included a ground up approach to leadership enhancement capability, better responses to emotions in the workplace and supporting the interpersonal and intrapersonal capabilities of the nursing workforce.

 Lack of or low emotional intelligence (EQ)  is often at the root of toxic behaviour amongst not only management but also staff and workers within environments where there is  low morale.

Toxicity can include bullying but it can also include demanding management, overworked staff and a pressure to perform that is unreasonable ...

Personally, I have seen clients who have worked in terrible workplaces, one comes to mind. An intelligent woman with MI constantly being berated for what the manager classified as substandard work, at some point when she was completely humiliated and demoralised she left, it took many months of counselling to get her to see that it was his problem and not hers.

That she was not provoking the situation but rather embroiled in it, we had to do a lot of work to rebuild her self esteem.

And what I class as PTSD after suffering under his rule for so long. 

These experiences can be very damaging ...

[Renstar]

This is what we know about bullying in the workplace ...

• Bullying involves the persistent embarrassment and humiliation of a person,
• and includes the deliberate, hurtful, repeated actions intended to cause harm.
• Bullying includes hostile physical and nonphysical behaviour designed to negatively impact the target’s sense of self as a competent person.
• It includes persistent, offensive, abusive, intimidating, malicious or insulting behaviour, abuse of power and unfair penal sanctions, making the target feel upset, threatened, humiliated or vulnerable.

The results or symptoms of a person who is being bullied are ...

• Undermined confidence,
• stress (Lee, 2002, p. 205).
• harmful, even devastating, effects on its targets and can sabotage morale, and undercut productivity and loyalty (Hutchinson, Vickers, Jackson, & Wilkes, 2005, 2006a; Yamada, 2000, p. 476).
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD)
• Witnesses to bullying can also be negatively affected, with up to 20% of witnesses deciding to leave the organization as a result of their experience (Mayhew et al., 2004).

Sometimes bullying is experienced in other ways and by other words ...

• bullying is emotional abuse, including hostile verbal and nonverbal, nonphysical behaviours (Yamada, 2000, p. 478).
• Bullying includes harassment (both sexual and racial),
• aggression and violent behaviour with intention to harm; whether the attack was successful or not does not matter (Felson, 2000, p. 10).
• Bullies often use many types of insults as part of a deliberate and concerted strategy:
• exclusion,
• stereotyping,
• obliteration of significant identity details (for example, spelling a name incorrectly),
• rudeness,
• broken promises,
• ignoring and keeping the target waiting,
• as well as ingratitude (Gabriel, 1998).

In sum, workplace bullying is the intentional infliction of a hostile work environment upon an employee by a coworker, typically through a combination of verbal and nonverbal behaviours (Yamada, 2000, p. 479).

Bullying is frequently an abuse of power (McMahon, 2000, p. 384; cited in Simpson & Cohen, 2004).

Bullying, especially predatory bullying, impacts the well being of those targeted, by providing a hostile, harmful and toxic work environment that encourages stress, depression, sleeplessness and anxiety.

What happens usually?

• it is often trivialized and
• minimalised as being something less destructive than it really is.
• the label of ‘bully’ contributes to this, with inappropriate visions of harmless schoolboy pranks allowing the bully to effectively hide behind the organization and its processes.
• Sadly, the organisational response to bullying often serves to exacerbate the target’s experience of being bullied, especially if their reported experiences are minimised, dismissed, ignored, disbelieved, or allowed to continue without action.

I've provided all this data because sometimes we may not be sure that it is actually happening. We tell ourselves maybe it's 'me'... but if any of the above checks out then it's time to acknowledge what's happening and take steps towards either healing yourself and/or having the matter addressed ... in @pip's situation the result was very positive. 

Workplaces are changing fortunately and management across the world is becoming more aware of the bottom line issues with bullyilng ... I'm talking about staff leaving and the cost of re-recruiting ... also the fact that the law is on your side, no-one wants a law-suit.

If this is happening to you, we'll discuss next up what  your rights are and what you can do ...

[Renstar]

Masks

Sometimes the protective resources set up to help you, may end up hurting you, says one researcher.

In orther words they should help but don't.

For example the company says they understand you're being bullied and they set up meetings and issue warnings and appear to support you. These are resources for you.

But instead of helping you they end up hurting you.

For example when the bullying behaviour is explained to management and then there are meetings and promises made or warnings but the bullying gets worse or it's driven underground.

Or there may be a change in the story about what really happened, whose fault it was etc

She calls these protective company measures ‘masks’ and says they are sometimes used to distort, to conceal, to hide and to protect.

So what can be done if you’ve tried to fight  back using the resources but your company is using 'masks' (to hide, protect etc):

She recommends:

• becoming fully aware that the resources available to you may have the opposite effect! (may end up hurting you)
• if you know and are fully aware then you can be on guard to ensure you are being heard correctly.
• obtain legal help,
• refusal of ‘false promises’ and cover up methods for dealing with the problem
• seeking outside advice and not merely accepting what is being offered.
• Demand that the issue be taken seriously and that you need them to be serious about the impact on YOU (doctor’s reports, psychologist reports) and your real willingness to take it further (legal action).

All in all, you are to go in fully aware of your rights but also the understanding that there may be 'masks' … in this way you are empowered.

It’s not easy … I hope that if this is happening to you, you have someone to share with.

Please see this website for the latest information on anti-bullying:  https://www.fwc.gov.au/disputes-at-work/anti-bullying#field-content-2-heading

[Renstar]

Ultimately we need to ask ourselves why do people treat others poorly at work?

So is it the toxic workplace making people behave badly or is it people behaving badly that makes the workplace toxic?

...which comes first the chicken or the egg?

The experts put it down to the environment in the workplace predominantly being the problem!!

Studies show that workplaces in which there is:

• Overwork, pressure, underhanded tactics by management to force the worker to perform harder etc. can cause the stress needed to make people (who cannot handle stress) to act out.

• Stress!!!
  • Work stress
  • RElationship stress
  • Change stress (company or individual going through changes)
  • Role stress (employees finding it difficult to handle their role) ... employees act out.

and

• A culture of rudeness/tolerance towards bullies ... employees feel entitled.

By act out we mean treat others rudely and potentially in a bullying way because they are in fact being bullied or stressing out ...

So what do you do if this is happening to you? (and you're acting out because you're feeling ticked off at everyone around you!)

Try:

• relaxation techniques at work ...
• engage your HR department in building team/worker morale ...
• don't take work home with you and
• remember to use your EQ (think about the consequences of your actions ...)

If this is happening to YOU, you need to report the behaviour (with full knowledge that management may try to hide or distort it, so come prepared with notes and information about your rights)

Finally if it is happening to you reach out and talk to people, don't let this be what brings you down.

There is help and it's easier if you get to it early on and work towards a resolution, rather than allowing it to consume you until one day you've got no more to give ...

[Renstar]

Hi @PurpleFlowers I just noticed you might have had a question about this ... feel free to post outside of forum hours if you want to chat.

I'm happy to answer later on .. 

[Renstar]

Before winding up today's forum (we're open til 5!)  just wanted to share some mindfulness tips for handling stress at work......

Mindfulness practice in 1-2-3 steps

1. Begin Meditating

Mindfulness, is about being in the moment, because that is where all of reality is taking place. The stuff in your head is either past or future - and you can't do much about either.

Begin to do this mindful meditation, 10 minutes per day ...

• Find a quiet place (at home or work) where you can sit for a few minutes without being disturbed.
• Close your eyes and begin following your breath.
• Focus your attention on the sensation of the air passing through the tip of your nose. Count your breaths 1 through 5 silently in your mind.
• When you get to 5, simply start over again.

When you get distracted,quickly as you can bring your attention back to your breath, and continue counting.

The counting will keep you focused then ... after a little while your mind will begin to slow down.

2. Practice Mindful Breathing

When things get too much, go somewhere and do this ...

• stop what you’re doing, and take 3-5 mindful breaths,
• then continue what you were doing.

By mindful breaths, I mean pay close attention to your breathing, while you avoid thinking about anything else and if you can't do that begin to count again ...

3. Practice Mindful Walking

When you're walking is a perfect time to meditate. How?

Just use the same techniques you use with mindful breathing whilst walking, remember to slow down too - since slowing down your body will force your mind to slow itself too .........

As your mind becomes more calm and serene through mindfulness meditation, these mindfulness practices will come to you naturally.

Imagine what it would be like if everyone at your job practiced mindfulness.

With greater awareness there would be an increase in EQ (Emotional Intelligence), there would be better communication, less stress and tension, and a reduction in toxicity!!

And that means a more pleasant work environment, and less stress on you.!!

Try it over the coming week and let us know how it went!! 

[Renstar]

Today the forum is open until 5pm so feel free to post your experiences ... I hope @pip's story and the information offered here gave you food for thought and maybe some techniques to try out.

Our topic was Toxic Workplaces ...

We found out todaythat toxic workplaces are created from the top-down.

Although sometimes 'bully' types can slip in, if it's a company that doesn't tolerate bad behaviour they'll be out ... and you'll be safe again.

The problem seems to be toxic environements that are formed by bad management. Management who turn a bliind eye to bullying and other bad behaviour and even use resources which are supposed to protect you, against you  ...

It's sometimes not possible to escape these workplaces due to commitments and maybe your MI but know it's coming from management as much as anything else.

And, if you do find yourself in these workplaces please reach out and talk to someone ... for example we here on the Forum, a psychologist or an independent helper.

Also practicing relaxation, mindfulness and all the other strategies we often talk about here on CareerChat will help you to deal with the day to day. 

 I urge you though, if you don't have to - don't stay if it's really bad - your mental health is worth more than anything.

Finally,

I hope you have a lovely weekend, take care and catch up next time