Lived Experience Forum

[jqw]

This year my youngest son 14 asked me to take him to our gp, I didn't think too much about it as he is growing up and his father isn't in his life anymore. His a good sensible kid so i had nothing to worry about. When we were called in I asked him would he like me to come in or wait. He said no come in with me if you want..

Our dr asks him what can he do for him.. "I'm sad ral sad, i just want to die all i think about is dying. Mum always said if anyone tells u that they want to die u need to tell an adult. So I'm here to tell u I want to die."

Could have knocked me for 6. How did I not pick up something was wrong? What sort of a mum am I oh my god i gave him this he is this way because of me. I could hear my mothers comments about my mothering skills, his father blaming me as i left him, maybe if i wasn't a single mum this wouldn't be happening. How the hell do i look after and help him when I'm flat out looking after me. 

I put on a mask everyday go to work pretend life is great when every night i go to bed i hope that maybe tomorrow i won't wake up. I don't want to end my life and do not have thoughts of harming myself, i just don't want to live.

I just feel nothing. i am either so busy trying to role play "normal" or trying not to cry. 

It has taken me nearly 20 yrs of different medications doctors shrinks counsellors etc to finally find a medication that works for me. I think i have been on every antidepressant ever made.

When your child has a MI and all of a sudden u have to be the 1 that now goes to the school and talks to his teachers explaining what is happening to him and what to look out for. Trying to keep it together and hoping they are taking it on board. 

the insensitive comments people make, i find it so hard to keep in control when all i want to scream out to them is he already feels like a freak (his words) is he on drugs, get him drug tested kids these days blah blah 

Im 40 on my own with 3 kids. I have no support n no help. He just stays in his room all day listening to music playing on his laptop or ipad. Some days he just crys all day other days his cried for several days on end. How am i supposed to cope, what do i do to help him, how do i not have another nervous breakdown? The months sept oct nov dec jan are all down months for me, except this year it hit in Dec and each day I seem to be worse. I hate knowing I'm coming into a huge downer when I have my boy to look after.

Why can't i be the normal one in the family. why didn't it affect my brother or my sister, why my son. What is so wrong with me that my family can't love me, husband had an affair and here i sit listening to my son laughing at something he has read.. i just want to be normal

I needed that vent so bad. Please don't think i am going to harm myself i am not and wouldn't not an option and never will be.

[CherryBomb]

Hi @jqw ,
Having a MI is not a choice, and it is not a character deficit - there is nothing wrong with you. Like physical illness (i.e., cold, flu, cancer) MI can affect anyone, it does not descriminate.
It's only natural to worry about how we, as parents, will affect our children. And when they are going through tough times, it's easy to ask ourselves where did we go wrong. But remember there's only so much you can control. Getting unwell may be something we have no control of, but we can certainly control how we respond to it. In this sense, I think it's great that your son is talking about how he is feeling and getting help - something that he learnt from you. That's great.
You might this thread, 'Growing with parent wiht mental illness'. There's also a few members on here with children that might be able to provide some thoughts on this. @kristin @Rick @Uggbootdiva and @Alessandra1992 , I understand that you have children, do you worry about how having a MI will impact on them? How to manage this?

CB

[Rick]

@jqw 

Hello J.

I read your post. 

I'm very sorry that this has happened to your son. It is appalling when lightning strikes.

MI like a lightning strike is nobody's fault.

Not his certainly. And just as certainly not yours.

I can see from your words you love him very much. You love  him as a loving parent , And there is no stronger love than that.

I know this to be true , I have a 12 yo daughter. She has had and will probably have for some time , counselling.

Living with a parent trying to manage a mental illness is difficult for our children. Because? Well they love us. It hurts them to see us in pain.

The very same way it hurts us to see them in pain.

As long as you have not hurt your child out of malice you are not to blame. You cannot catch a mental illness.

It is not communicable. It is nothing at all like a cold.

A fact to keep in your mind; 1 in 5 Australians will experience a mental illness.

The thing that makes a mental illness treatment resistant is time lapsed before the illness is addressed.

That will not happen in his case. It is being addressed now and his recovery whilst not completely guaranteed ( there are none) is more than probable. 

He will not have the rough road that you had. You are obviously supportive and you will have an empthay for him which was not available to you. This will add to the effectiveness of treatment.

There is an organisation called COPMI. http://www.copmi.net.au/ 

Children of Parents with a Mental Illness. 

Try them for more information on your particular situation.

He will need extra support

http://www.headspace.org.au/

Head space is a support service strictly for young people. They are trained to work specifically with young people with mental ilness and they are leaders in this sector.

You are not alone. You have the forum to talk to. And there are supports out there for him because most parents unlike you have little or no knowledge of MI.

The fact that you will be able to understand his experience is unusual and valuable.

If I was in your shoes I would think the same and feel the same. In fact tho my daughter is managing ok I still fear for her. And if she ends up with issues I will blame myself.

At the same time I know that I will need someone to remind me that there is no blame. No fault. As long as I have not damaged my child through malice there is no fault.

To reiterate. Not Your Fault.

Abandon that stuff or it will get in the way of supporting him. That is greatest gift you could give him now.

I feel for you. We want our children to have a better life than we had. 

It is still most likely. He was brave enough to ask for help. Your job is to make sure he recieves it.

So I beg you, do not beat yourself to a pulp any longer. 

If you need us we are here.

And though the night right now is dark, dawn will come

Hope endures all things

Rick

[jqw]

@Rick thanks so much..  waking up and reading your message has made me feel so much better. Headspace has been great. His had 10 sessions there and because I have a MI we got another 10 free sessions together. We have been just the once and will be going next yr. He has had 1 session with a physc and goes again in Jan. Hopefully he will start to open up and the physc can work out what is wrong. She wants blood tests done as well. Thus I'm feeling confident she can help him.

Will also check out the site u recommended. Have a great day and cheers 

[Rick]

@jqw 

Hi J

glad you're feeling in control. excellent.

Good to hear Assessment started and counselling beginning.

You will  be a wonderful support. You are an example of reseiliency. And that is exactly what he'll require.

I'm so pleased 

Good luck , God bless

Hope endures

Rick

[NikNik]

@jqw 

Welcome to the Forums.

Firstly, a big 'ditto' to what everyone else has said.

There are just 3 things I want to add

1) WOW your son has done SO well to suggest to go to the GP. He sounds like he has a lot of insight into how he's feeling and is so BRAVE to take steps to look after himself

2) YOU taught him to be that way

3) There is a youth mental health website called ReachOut.com - they have forums like this, but for young people. There's also a lot of information and stories from other young people about how they got through tough times.

So glad to read that you're finding Headspace helpful 🙂

Nik