Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[sharona]

My adult son has gotten up and started exercising in the Las few weeks. His motivation us mostly to have relationships (specifically sexual).Mental health problems mean he has stayed away from people all his growing years. Now he says he has erectile dysfunction and has become very suicidal. He went if Cymbalta a month or so ago after 2 years. Thus improved his motivation and energy levels. He thought it might be the cause of sexual dysfunction. I've read that depression itself and anxiety can also be causes. He went to the GP and she did some tests,but he hasn't been back again for a month. Thus is typical. We don't have much money so every specialist appointment bankrupts me for another month or so. I work but he has no income. I don't know what to do anymore abut all thus, especially when he starts talking knives,etc.I've been here before. I am also becoming very sad and finding it difficult to cope . I del like I'm just sitting here where someone else would have thus all sorted.My son's life being so painful to him is so painful to me,I find it hard to ask or talk to anyone anymore.

[Mojo]

Hi Sharona,

I hear your pain as well as your sons.It is a tough  what both of you are going through.You said that you have been here before when your son became very suicidal.I would like to hear what you did in the past that got  you through these dark times.It is reassuring for you that you feel comfortable being able to share how you are feeling on the forum.There are so many caring and supportive people out there that are happy to help in any way they can.

 It is a positive sign that your son is getting up and has started exercising again.It would be good to keep encouraging that as exercise is so benifical for your mental and physical health. It would be peace of mind for your son to go back to his doctor to find out about his results and also discuss with her his suicidal thoughts.

You come across as a strong and caring person.Sometimes we can't do it alone and we need and deserve support to get us through.I hope you find support here and in your community.

Take care and keep posting. Mojo 

[Hobbit]

Hi @sharona 

Firstly, welcome to the forums!! THis is a plcae where you can find lots of 'cyber-friends' and get much support and advice.

Upon reading your post, the first thing to stick out at me is the fact that you sound like a wonderful and loving mother. It sounds like this stuff has been going on for a while, so you must have a lot of strength in perservearing through it all.

There are many carer organisations hat could offer you some help. The one I am thinking of is Carers Australia, who have a Helpline where you can speak to someone and get some things off your chest, and also get some tips on coping as a family member. Their website is here and the Carer Line is 1800 242 636.

I wonder if anyone else might have some supportive words for @sharona - @kristin @PeppiPatty @Former-Member 

Take care Sharona and keep posting. You have friends here.

Hobbit.

[sharona]

Thank you very much Hobbit. I can't say what your comments mean to me. I feel so isolated. Sometimes when I'm desperate I have talked to friends or relatives but everyone seems to be over it. They prefer I keep it to myself,so more and more,I do. I am really looking after myself less and less and losing motivation to do so.
Yes,it has been going on in one form or another for a long time. Social phobia and body dysmorphic disorder began in the early teens, depression. All these were extreme. Became suicidal in early twenties.He also had some hallucinations. Three years ago was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder. This us very difficult to get treatment for as he will go to any length to avoid being judged.So,he will fake how competent and well he is to any medical,psychological, centrelink appraisals. They general believe him and won't listen to me. Wonderful. So very difficult to make progress on any level. Three years ago he developed apparently physical symptoms or neurological symptoms which have affected his visual perception and at that time he really lost it. He became constantly aggressive and suicidal. Emergency room mental health appraisals that went nowhere, only his GP managed to grasp some idea of the seriousness when he became very abusive and I was scared to go home. Visual Snow is a rare,only recently recognized neurological condition that matches his symptoms. His psychologist is talking conversion disorder but of course he could actually have developed a true neurological condition. It's such a long complex story.He wanted to make movies si he felt thus has ruined his dreams. Eventually I forced him to take Cymbalta prescribed by his GP and it helped to calm him. However,he became very lethargic and unmotivated.Now he has taken himself off the Cymbalta and he developed interest in dating. Good motivation. But he thinks the Cymbalta has caused Erectile dysfunction and feels the is too much to bear and has become suicidal again.Giving up smoking at the same time....hmmmm....that's it in q very small nutshell.
The other problem is that I feel like I'm actually becoming depressed.

I will try to call the carers line.Thank you. Difficult fir me to do such things as I get emotional.

Cheers.....

[Hobbit]

Hi @sharona 

You poor thing!! Your 'story in a nutshell' is a very big and complex nutshell!!I really feel for you.

All I can say is, you have come to a good place here. This is a place where you will find support.

Also, if you are really worried about your son, there is the Suicide Call back service on 1300 659 467 where you can get some profesional telephone counselling about the situation. "The Suicide Call Back Service provides crisis counselling to people at risk of suicide, carers for someone who is suicidal, and those bereaved by suicide, 24 hours per day, 7 days a week across Australia."

Please take care,

Hobbit.

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest ,
Cool name ! I seem to remember I would help someone write their story again making themselves the star of the story......... have to find that conversation because , could you re write your story, making your son in the background?

You can do this. You can. You could write.....my story starts when I was 21 years old and I gave birth to a beautiful boy. It was great being a Mum but I hated the sleepless nights. One memory I have of him was that he loved painting on the walls when I ironed. I worked as ............
Fast forward twenty years and I am finding it difficult to wake up. I can see this in a few friends in mine so I am going to the doctors about going on a diet to cleanse my liver. It's difficult because..............
The thing that really concerns me is that I need to get my son more support because I don't want to do it anymore. It's too difficult and its stopping me from working.
I have looked at carers ...............
But mainly, the money problems annoy me and I wish it wasn't such a problem.
I help myself out more by ".............................
I'm trying to...........................
If I sleep more..................
Mainly I go to a hungry jacks for a coffee and stare into space...........

The first step on thinking about you Is always the hardest. No wonder your finding it difficult to talk to anyone.
Your adult son is a very lucky man.
Take care

When I was 17-21 I have No Idea how some people coped with being my friend because my Mum was the main topic of conversation......I didn't understand why she would yell at me every time she spoke to me........over 30 years later with help from sane forums, I've been able to start having a good enough loving relationship with Mum, she's very loving to me........she sees me as an individual.

For long periods I would sit at home trying hard to work out why she would Yell at me and push me away.. It felt like no creativity would come out of me, if I started anything for me like painting or reading, everything was influenced with how could I get Mum to love me.

I spent everything on my two children. While my brothers are all successful, well, I'm just......um....... A Mum. No one to show off about. Now she sees me for me.......she offers to pay for my meal if we are going out for a meal.......

[carermum]

Hi Sharona,

I do hope you've been able to get some support for both your son & (very importantly) yourself.

I come from both the perspective of a carer (adult daughter with Bipolar & Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) & partnership/peer support worker, working with carers. Let me tell you, when I first started actually working with carers, I was truly amazed at how our stories were so similar. The feelings of being isolated, lost, depressed, physically exhausted, confused & frustrated. Not knowing where to turn. I was fortunate to have a very knowledgable & caring GP in the beginning, who, after me blubbering my way through telling her my daughter's 'story'; said "and what are you doing for YOU? Who is supporting YOU?" It's such a hard thing to accept that as carers, WE also need support (emotional & sometimes physical), access to appropriate services & opportunities to vent OUR frustrations, concerns & hopes (for ourselves AND for those we are caring for).

By doing this, we prepare & protect ourselves, as carers.

Sometimes, when things get hard with my daughter, I (now) feel like I consciously 'put on' my carer suit/hat. Like an armour that 'protects' me from the abuse/emotional hurt of a psychotic episode & which helps me to focus on what I need to do - whether it's to cart her off to hospital after self-harm, call appropriate services (CATT) etc; or just to stand my ground to ensure both she & I are protected & move on to the next 'phase'.

I also relate to what you're saying regarding your family/friends not supporting you, or not knowing 'how' to support you. Been there. But eventually accepted that there really wasn't any alternative - noone else could really help me in the physical 'being there' sense - although my lovely sisters offered to help out, they couldn't come in the middle of the night or even during the day due to their family responsibilities. Not having a partner (haven't found one yet who could cope with the emotional stress & demands..), my elderly parents were my initial emotional & physical support in terms of being my comfort & shoulder to cry on - as well as my daughters. They also spent many hours sitting in hospital EDs waiting for psych assessment. But after a year or two, I realised this was a burden on them they really shouldn't have to cope with. So I finally had to work out who could be there for me in the emotional 'being there' sense. Some of who are family, some are good friends, & some are professionals - support workers (both mine & my daughters), & really important because many of us are travelling similar journeys; other carers through forums & groups (such as COPES, here or groups of carers who come together regularly in your region).

As other forum members have pointed out; there ARE people out there who can support you in your caring role. Your own GP is the first person. They can organise a Mental Health Care Plan for you (please don't be put off by the 'mental health' bit. Think of it as 'wellbeing' - emotional & physical.... This plan will open doors for you to heaps of support services to assist you in caring for your son.

I'm not sure if it's ok to pass on the details of services in your area (as don't know where you are), but again, your GP or local community health service can help you there.

All you have to do is ASK  🙂

Best wishes to you - you're not alone.

[hopeandsupport]

a GP once told me something i always remember, when i was there one day complaining about my mother and how she didn't seem to care about me and was cruel to me.  it used to really upset me, caused me anxiety etc.  He said "(my name)  You can't change people, you can only change yourself"  I tried to remember this whenever my mother upset me.  my daughter was also suicidal.  at that point they have to go to hospital, that's all you can do, and rally your family and/or friends around.

[Mojo]

Hi hopeandsupport,

What a switched on Dr.I use that saying all the time.When you realise that you can only change yourself, you are able to channel positive energies into becoming a stronger person.

Another saying that I use is"Do one thing different". If things aren't working for you make a small change and see what difference that makes.

Keep posting. Mojo.

[ivana]

It might be hard to see from your angle but from a "outsiders point of view" it seems that your son has made some real progress which i would be proud of.

It sounds like hes mentally determined,with a strong will which he probably recieved from you:)

Have you had a chance to do anything to help your relax like a yoga or dance class at the gym?

"Three years ago he developed apparently physical symptoms or neurological symptoms which have affected his visual perception and at that time he really lost it.."

I mentioned this before,has your son had a MRI and seen an Optometrist/Opthamologist who has a test called The Optical Coherence Tomography (OCT) that can look at his retina?

A well know company beginning with O and ending with M does this at some locations.

I cant state the name in case Sane forums perceives it to be commerical advertising...