Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Feeling like i'm sliding backwards. Life is a struggle. The medications side effects arent getting any better but the anxiety is getting worse. They've maxed me out on the one that is giving me the side effects and my GP who doesnt want to take me back to the lower dose on those is now talking about adding a second of that type of medication. to which i said no way. but not sure how much choice i will have. then there is family court this week but my family court lawyer hasnt been in touch, have sent her two emails in the last week. I dont know what will happen this time and that is just adding to the fear load. I'm also too aware of the family court repercussions from my inpatient stay in hospital to feel like i can be truly honest with my GP about how far i'm back sliding at the moment. He is coming up with so much stuff about my mental health being of such concern that his parents (who he is supposed to be living with because of bail conditions but isnt) would be better as carers for the children. They live in the capital city which is like 5 hours away. My two close friends tell me that that wouldn never happen but its so frightening. Still feels like he has so much power, especially through the family court side. and After nearly two years post everything coming to a head with him being arrested (pathetically against my wishes at the time) it feels like i'll never be free and this stuff will never end. sorry for the rant. I know many of you here have far worse things going on.

LisaJane

[kato]

@Former-Member 

Hi lisajane, never apologise for having a rant, from what you are saying in your post, you have the feeling of a lot of weight bearing on your shoulders, and taking this step in posting, is another step towards finding help.

Medications and side effects, and then the thought of adding more to the mix, is sometimes very off putting when the current ones are giving you such trouble, as with all of us, we know in ourselves how we feel and how we are finding the going with meds, and it can be hard to explain to g.p's etc exactly what the reason is to not wanting to add more to it, or to increase. Sometimes tho it does take more then 1 or 2 different meds to help balance out and help.

I know if my g.p or psychologist or psychiatrist wanted to increase or add something else, i would be fine with, but for me that is because i still feel that i need more help medication wise, well i pretty sure my mood stabiliser is right, but perhaps my anti-psych or anti-dep could be increased or something else added there. But that is me

The stressers of court coming up, is also a big thing, fear of the unknown, is a big thing, we start getting caught up in our heads thinking of what if's, and then creating more worry and stress, I have a court case coming up in just over a month, which i have known about since january, and not a day goes past where i don't catastrophy the future, because of it. my psychologist reminded me that the future will be, but i can't fortell what will happen, all i can do is as much to help myself to help lower my stress and worry.

I know it is different with what you are going through and i hope some of this helps or makes sense,

[hiddenite]

Hey lisajane
I'm sorry you are suffering, the medication is certainly a challenge. Ive had 16 changes in the past month. All having awful side effects.
I was also told the other week that if my mental health became worse my girls could be given to my parents.
That is certainly enough to make me put the mask back on and pretend everything is ok.
too scared now to be honest to the psych.
I understand the challenges you are facing.
Try to break down what you have to do into smaller more manageable tasks so you don't become so overwhelmed.
We are here and lisstening
take care
karen

[Former-Member]

Thankyou, it does help. I have never been on more than one med before. I had psychosis when i was admitted to hospital in January and that scares me so much. i don't want it to come back but the antipsychotic medications are also making me so tired. Yes my mind does get caught up catastrophising everything with the worry of it. and my psychologist has said similar 🙂 Thankyou @kato 

[Former-Member]

Hi Karen @hiddenite ,

I'm sorry that you are going through similar stuff with children and custody. its so awful. Yes breaking things down in to pieces does help, although at the moment i'm just focussing on the basics to be honest, food, clean clothes and 'clean enough' house. Sometimes its all we can do i think. Yes my mask is so strong. My last session with my psychologist was spent talking about why I cant open up and trust. and there are so many reasons not just these current worries. But she said if i'm not honest, if i can't open up, she can't help me as best she can. Which makes sense but is also terrifying to me.

[kristin]

Hey @Former-Member 

It is so horrendous feeling like you need help with your mental health and not getting it, and that asking for the help you need will be used against you in things like the family court.

Can I ask are you if you are paying the lawyer or is she from legal aid? The not responding to your emails is not ok either way, but especially so if you are footing the bill. How does she hope to represent you if she doesn't communicate and know what's going on? Do you feel like she "gets it"? 

I think that it should be in your favour that you not only went to hospital when you needed to but also were able to arrange for someone to care for your children so they didn't have to move 5 hours away. I'm not an expert, but I would hope that's a long shot on his part. Epsecially as logically if he is supposed to be living with the parents and so he would be there, yet he's up on assault charges neither this nor the 5 hour away move would be conducive, and he would have to tell the court that he's breaching his condtions to get over that issue. Not the best look for his "solution". Add to that the court does not favour preventing children from having access to either parent, and you would have trouble seeing them if they were moved there. I wonder if WIS could give you any suggestions with some of the stuff you are dealing with? (Am I remembering rightly you're in SA? Otherwise google womens information and referral service with your state?)

Are there any parenting support services where you are? If so then you should be able to access this and it would stand you in good stead (with the court) that you are getting the help and support you need at this time.

Is the upcoming court date a mediation date or a hearing date? If it's the former then it is unusual for anything to be decided. It is usually about things which the parties want being laid on the table, and then one of the registrars putting some reality into the mix in terms of both what is possible and likely. Also is it for working out access, or property settlement?

I understand the feeling like the hell of dealing with this will never end. I've been there. Trust me it does, and in time much of the pain goes too. Hold on and show them what is most important to you - your kids' well-being. Please don't apologise for ranting - it is very welcome here! That's part of what the forum is about. So rant away. It is better getting it off your chest than carrying such a heavy load alone.

Take care of you.

Hope for recognition as a loving effective parent endures...

Kindest regards, 

Kristin

[kristin]

Karen who threatened you with that? That is a disgrace! No wonder you don't want to be honest about how you are feeling.

Hope for real help endures...

Kristin

[Former-Member]

I’m sorry that you’ve already bee through the court process Kristin. I’m glad that you have seen a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope that there will be one for us but I’m scared what it will look like. I’m terrified of the kids being alone with him. My lawyer isn’t fantastic anymore. She was for the first year. She was amazing and supportive and helpful. It would be too expensive to change lawyers. I am going to apply for legal aid as well now but just finding the strength to do that. I think you’re right about looking at what parenting services are available. I did try to get a mental health plan for my little boy so that I could see someone to help me with some of his behaviour stuff but the GP has said we should give him more time to settle down as he had major surgery in early January, then I was in hospital for all of February then we moved a long way away, hes started kindy etc. its been massive for him. But parenting services might be better for more generalised stuff.

The family court date is a hearing. It was supposed to be to set dates for the trial but the trial can only go ahead after the criminal stuff is sorted out. And that got adjourned again because I was in hospital. Another reason im scared that he is just so angry with me that he’s trying to take thekids to hurt me. He never spent any time with them before I left. He couldn’t cope with any noise from them or crying from them as babies. So he’s submitted a new affidavit to the courts about my mental health etc and now I feel like im on trial at this hearing. Thankyou for your advice and confidence Kristin.

[Former-Member]

Hard day today, got some info about hearing and I just want to hide under a big rock. My lil guy is sick and no kindy for him this week. I haven't slept more than two hours a night for last few days and I'm starting to crumble. Not sure how to get through this week.

[-karma-]

@Former-Member

coffee, chocolate...more of the same!

No, seriously sleep deprivation is cruel. Does your little guy still have a day sleep, or quiet time? Do as he does and rest when he does, take the pressure off in terms of meals, and anything extra that can wait until later/another time.

Alternatively, is there someone that could give you a break for a bit, maybe stay in the house with him while you have a sleep?

Here's to restful slumber for your preschooler