Lived Experience Forum

[tige]

hi, seeking some guidance...

i have been a self harmer for about 17yrs on and off. Its been a couple of years since last time. im having urge to do it again, memories of past trauma have been haunting me, i have so much energy in me that i meed to release, but at the same time i dont want to feel anything. the feeling of self harm is tempting because then i can feel the pain. its contradicting, but not sure what to do next, because i want the space to acknowledge some of my past but i dont want to get stuck, so much energy. thanks

[Former-Member]

Hi @tige

Welcome to the forums, I'm glad you are here, I can understand exactly what your mean about feeling the pain, its how i get too. Resisting is really difficult but you have worked really hard to keep from doing it for so long. If you have a lot of energy would it help to go for a walk/run or do something else physical (mow the lawns/mop the floors) when the urge is strongest? Or other distractions like using ice cubes on your skin or flicking a rubber band. 

I can also understand about not wanting to become stuck. past truama's somehow have a way of overhwlming me and taking over. I've been working on building strategies to learn better ways to cope with the ptsd or cptsd that i have but lately im not sure i've come so far at all, but other days, i know that I've got a lot more strategies for coping than i have had before.

LJ

[-karma-]

Hi @tige

Such  awareness!

You are demonstrating insight, showing awareness of the shifting emotions and implementing a delay before acting. Just stop and reveal in that for a moment...

Previously how have you managed when things have become rocky? Do you know what works for you during stormy times?

I guess if you haven't already this would be a perfect time to engage with supports.

1. You are being triggered by past trauma, good time to look at what's causing this and a space to explore emotions

2. You are looking for ways to change old behaviours, a good time to ask for help as you practice new behaviours rather than reverting to past behaviours

3. You are experiencing a range of intense emotions that are difficult to sit with, a good time to explore other strategies to manage emotions as @Former-Member mentioned that may work

Best wishes

[tige]

Thankyou

[Appleblossom]

Hello @tige

I associate SH urges with surges of energy too.  After a while I heard the words overwhelmed and it helped to be able to say that I was overwhelmed.  It has helped to find words for my experiences.

Have you had any success directing your energy into other actions?

Take care.