Lived Experience Forum

[Sweet_cheeks]

Hi,

I just spoke to my son. He is 21. He told me about his life. How he was bullied at school. Partly because he stuck up for hi twin brother who has an intellectual delay. How one of the teachers, a real evil scum would say if he didn't finish his work, the class would stay in for lunch and said he looked like MR bean. What a monster. Also my mother, who we were living with at the time and had alzhiemers would pull his hair and call him a monster because he would wrestle with his brothers. He went to stay with my husbands parents who were worse.  He went to college and a girl broke his heart and he dropped out. Life didn't get anybetter afterwards. He says that he's been kicked in the you know whats so many times that he hates the world and himself. He is filled with rage for good reason. He loves us which is pretty amazing since we neglected him. . I I had just been diagnosed with BP and epilepsy when he started school but its still no excuse. He is a beautiful gentle boy. How dod I help him. He has no friends anymore, He's isolated himself. He is desperately unhappy. How can I launch him into the world get out there and find some happiness and healing/ He is really an amazing kid. any suggestions of social groups or something for young people. I know there are meetups.

[Gwynn]

@Sweet_cheekshave you tried linking him up with headspace australia?  He might also benefit from signing onto HireUp as a worker, just for a little while, as a job to do while everything is in chaos.  The benefit of HireUp is that there's a lower bar for entry than something like Mable, where they all have to be allied health professionals. 

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Sweet_cheeks 

@Gwynnmade good suggestions ... I think the main thing to remember is that these days .. it does take kids longer to launch ... on average ... In my mind I have given my son til 30. ... Hoping it is before that ... but plenty of wriggle room for both of us.   There is no point comparing it to the 1950s when people were married with kids around early 20s.  Yet people do compare ... often when it is very unfair ...

It is great you have a love bond.  Treasure it and nurture it ... it is the best way forward, but be clear about taking personal responsibility both him and you.  Still allowing for being human beings.

You might find both sides of the forum helpful.

Good Luck

Apple

[Gwynn]

@Sweet_cheeks  What are his hobbies and interests?

[Sweet_cheeks]

Hi @Gwynn  thank you for your response. He likes boxing computer games which are like heroin and make him angry and animation. He used to play baseball and soccer and skateboard. He used to read and has an amazing memory. When I talk to him about the computer games he says its a way to block out everything. I'm working on getting him away from them which leads to explosive fights. Any suggestions?

[Gwynn]

Ah, animations and video games, pretty common escapes/passtimes. It's a shame he's not into exercising - that's another way to block out everything and level up In Real Life. Maybe don't focus so much on getting him away from the video games and animations as getting him into some other hobbies too. When my brother was around his age, he got into fitness in a big way - I think it was due to 4chan's fitness board, the peer interest in fitness sparked his own.
If your son is really into video games, he might parlay that into an Army career - although that's not what you want for your baby boy, I get that.
What do you think of my suggestion that he could sign up for HireUp as a work option? Even volunteering somewhere, weeding gardens for the elderly or something would build up his work skills and confidence.