Lived Experience Forum

[LostAngel]

firstly feeling isolated ,second conflicted thoughts and feelings about an online relationship and thirdly an proctective cousin trying to give dating advice                     I know I may seem a bit loopy and yes Im taking big risks to have an online relationship till I date someone in person as we are quite close now pluss Ive reaveled some details to an older cousin whos pretty much going to be a chaperone from a distance while Im on a first date with the person Ive met online ,I know Im doing risky behaviour but isnt it strange how even if things arnt good for you you still somehow feel good from doing those things wether or not there actually good things to do ,Im emotionally conflicted between my head and heart cause on the one hand my heart is what im going by with date although I have been up and down dating is very hard work at times,and sometimes Im very eager and other times I come off as a bit cold Im sleeping alot during the day and havent eaten much all week its like online dating engulfs me in some way or the feeling of being attracted to someone does ,my mental health is not really in a good place at the momment and maybe at times my online date can see that too, Ive got an older cousin whos practically acting like older brother as I am new to the dating scene,older cousin is giving advice and sometimes I feel like hes grilling me about information but I know its for safety reasons even though at the same time its embarrassing ,I also feel as if Ive lost a part of myself again but Im not sure which part of myself possibly mentally or emotionally its draining and im not doing much else at the mooment except for dating so yeah sleeping and eating have gone backwards and theres an older cousin giving advice I know I should be thinking of my saftey in terms of meeting someone for the first time but at the same time In some ways I dont care about my safety I just want to have fun or adventre and yes I am cautious but its like I switch between being cauciuos and reckless so then yeah a bit mixed up also Im being a little too honest about things and other times keeping alot of other information to myself 

[Mazarita]

Hi @LostAngel 

A confusing situation for you, feeling your struggle, and experienced something like it when I was much younger. I am 58.

I also had an affair in my 30s with a man I met on the internet in the USA. I actually went there and carried on a crazy volatile relationship for two months while living in a motel. That was part of a bipolar mania I had then.

I also know people who have met and married via the internet, after spending a lot of real time together as the relationship slowly built. One couple are happily married. The other is difficult because they have been separated by Covid while he went back to his country to see family. They were in their 40s and 50s, perhaps not such a dangerous time for relationships as when younger.

Your cousin is trying to help you and may be right because he knows you, perhaps a bit overprotective and you are entitled to draw boundaries and say you don't want to talk about very private things to do with what's happening. I am assuming you are at least over 18?

Hope my experience with these things may be of some use, and the information about those relationships helpful. Not sure your age, that matters because when younger we may not be able to pick up on danger signals so well.

Hoping your painful anxiety about all this lessens. 

[LostAngel]

thank you ,yes I am over 18 ,Yes my older cousin is being protective ,my heart says one thing and my mind another,felt as if my cousin was mesaging heaps last night I realised it was out of concern but I did get very annoyed non the less as my heart or emotions have been attached to my online date but at the same time I know my cousin is right gosh cousin was seeming more like a detective lol ,anyway after that Ive been thinking and came to the conclusion I need to dump this date as some true things have come to light regarding his personal information which are concerning so even though my heart wants him ,my mind knows better,Ive decided to stand him up and not go on the date at all ,I just hope the date doesnt try to threaten me in some way for not going as Im aware of ways in which he could potentially be threatning towards me but anyway I think its best I dont go at all and that way I dont put myself in any possible bad situations in person,as for today Im just playing along with him and trying to work out exactly how to dump him its hard though cause it makes me feel like I keep being attracted to the very people I should be avoiding ,possibly I have had manic symptoms ,I know one thing my emotions have been up and down,confused,sometimes depressed and anxcious and just very tired but yes I think Ive come to the best decison even though emotionally I have become attacthed to the guy.