Lived Experience Forum

[unknown]

hi everyone

i was abused by a male when i was younger and now im scared of males but at the same time i i still like them- hopefully that makes sense
 
but of recent ive started has some feelings for a female. it doesnt feel the same as what i do about males but i dont feel its love either....
gosh this is probably making no sense to anyone- its confusing me too but hopefully some one can give me some advice on how to decifer this
ive always been drawn to females though- maybe its a comfort thing...?

[Appleblossom]

I have had some similar experiences and believe there are many qualities in the ways we are attracted to others.  Whether it is admiration or feeling cosy or based on physical looks or strongly sexual.  You sound fairly self aware.

Same sex friendships can be just that. 

I hope others join in this conversation.  Welcome to the forum @unknown

[CheerBear]

Hi @unknown  🙂 It can be confusing trying to understand and make sense of new or unfamiliar feelings. When i started working through some of this myself I found it really helpful to do some reading on "romantic orientation" and "sexual orientation". I found it helpful because the idea that sexuality exists on a spectrum sat really well with me. I also did some thinking about what physical/sexual attraction 'felt' like to me, and how this may be different to intimacy. Sometimes I experience/d both at the same time, sometimes one or the other. Not sure if that's very helpful or if it just starts more questions for you sorry! I guess for me maybe this will always be a journey of discovery and maybe I won't ever know for sure, so I'm learning to be ok with being curious because being 'curious' feels better to me than being 'confused'

I'm heading out now but wanted to say hi here and I too hope others come past and share their thoughts

[CherryBomb]

Hi @unknown,

These feelings can be very confusing. I think sexual orientation and attraction can be 'fluid'. Sometimes sexuality can change - while we might intially feel only attracted to the one gender, we can later find ourselves attracted to the other gender.

The point is regardless of who you are attracted to - it's ok. Please don't think that your feelings are abnormal in any way. 

Exploring these feelings, and considering what you want to do with them, or how you should act upon can be daunting. Do you have someone you can speak with about this? A counsellor maybe?

[Former-Member]

hello @unknown

I think that it is wonderful that you are aware of these feelings of attraction, sexuality, sensuality, interest, excitement, curiosity.

Love usually comes last unless of course you are besotted. Lasting love is different yet again though I dont think that is what you are describing here.

So many different ways to describe how we feel about others regardless of their gender.

I hope you dont mind but I am just wondering if you have had any counselling in regard to the abuse you referred to when you were younger. It may well  be that aside from all  of the very natural feelings that you are having there are some unsolved issues, questions to be worked through.

Regardless I think that you are approaching this subject with intelligence, sensitivity and emotional strength.

I wish you all the best in your journey.

[utopia]

Hello @unknown. A wonderful question from you & already some beautiful responses from others.
Working through what you are feeling, whilst scary, can also be quite liberating. Defining what those feelings are. Are they sexual, sensual, an physical attraction or a mental attraction, something that could lead to friendships or love or sexual relationships?
I think knowing what these feelings are is the start. From there, it's about what you would like do do with these feelings.
From my perspective, sexual attraction or love attraction, doesn't need to be gender specific, but is more about the other person and how we feel around them.
Your thoughts are perfectly normal. I hope your journey through these new feelings is healthy and brings you joy.

[Mazarita]

Hi @unknown,

I really like what @CheerBear has already said about sexuality being a 'spectrum'. At one end we can imagine people who are 100% heterosexual; at the other would be people who are 100% gay; and in the middle are people who might be labeled bisexual. Most of us would fit somewhere on the scale between the two poles. For example, someone who has fantasies about the same sex but never acts on the fantasies might be predominantly hetero (same for those who are gay who fantasize about the opposite sex). I myself have been actively bisexual in my life but have discovered I am predominantly hetero. This is just one way of thinking about sexuality but it helps me to imagine it this way. There are more kinds of sexuality than even fit this model really (for example, people who identify happily as 'asexual'). And variations of gender identity adds further complexity.

In any case, as @CherryBomb has mentioned, whatever we are is okay. Best wishes on exploring and understanding these new feelings in yourself.

[Shaz51]

hello @unknown 

[Former-Member]

So many excellent responses here. 🙂 

[unknown]

Hello everyone

thank you all for your responses and welcoming me into the community 🙂

im not scared of these feelings just a little confused, its really the first time ive started thinking about a female the way I am but I know theres plenty of other people that have had maybe something similar to me and im grateful for all your responses 🙂

@CheerBear did you just look those things up on the internet or is there like a book or something?

@CherryBombim not really feeling daunted by exploring these feelings but im use to really only liking men but being too afraid of them at the same time. I do have a couple of friends that I could talk to but im abit worried how they would react to me. I dont have a psychologist but it could be an option to look at though Id like to try to explore it abit more myself.

@Former-Memberthank you for your response. Ive felt really dull for a long time but feelings have started to come back now. I did have counselling it was only a minor event really and I have gotten through that thought he fear of men still lingers...

hello @utopiayeah im not scared by them im just really quite curious but confused and not sure what to do with those feelings as yet but its only very recent its started happening

@Mazarita- maybe im bisexual too... the feelings are more why am I feeling this way about this person is it because they are special to me or maybe we are really close but lately ive been feeling kind of giddy like a crush type of thing