Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

its ok @greenpea thank you for sharing what happens for you. Part of my risky and destructive behaviours are hanging around but they arent at the forefront any more and im managing them better then in the past. In a way i dont think they will ever go but that is the nature of my mental health-BPD

[outlander]

hi @Ali11
yes definently a candle burning at both ends atm. in a few weeks ill have more time to myself. i relaise ive over commited abit but i dont want to pull out of something right now but once its finished i wont be doing it for a while.
F&H gave a few good suggestions on some smaller self care activities as well that doesnt really take much out of the day that i could probably do.

[outlander]

that is a very good point @Former-Member
most of my hobbies have become a chore and i no longer enjoy doing as much as before or it takes me a long time to complete/ motivate enough to do.

i guess our caring nature gets the better of us sometimes!

[MumOfAnAnorexic]

Hi @outlander,

Everyone has already said what I'd have suggested but I just wanted to say that I can really relate to how you're feeling. Try not to feel guilty about it, being a carer is very hard.

Dementia is a very difficult condition. My mum actually has dementia and it's heartbreaking but we've reluctantly had to put her in a nursing home now. Her dementia has got so bad that she knows my name but doesn't know that I'm her daughter anymore. :'(

I can also relate to BPD. I don't have it but my son has BPD as well as an eating disorder. Make sure you take care of yourself too, you're dealing with some very difficult disorders. 

[Ali11]

Glad that you can see a light at the end of the tunnel @outlander, hang in there - take in account those self-care tips and you'll get through it!  

[outlander]

thank you @MumOfAnAnorexic
im sorry your mum has dementia, it must be hard for you to see and not be able to do much about whats happening except for ensuring she gets the best care. thankfully we are in the early stages of it.
BPD is hard work, and as i have a suspected ed as well i can probably relate to your son too. If you need to talk about anything your more then welcome to tag me too


thank you @Ali11 but today isnt a good day. besides having a stomach bug i also found out that i wasnt even invited to the dinner tonight for a birthday but pop and mum kids etc were (i couldnt go anyway but thats besides the point)
its a movie and bed day today so i suppose that counts as self care xo

[Ali11]

That's such a shame, they're missing out by not inviting you @outlander. Staying indoors with a movie sounds like a perfect day to us! It does completely sounds like self-care - keep hydrated and rest up. 

[outlander]

its ok @Ali11 its nothing unusual. since i moved out of mums house im not included in anything unless they need something from me.
yep its cold outside and giving hints of rain with the clouds coming my way- fingers crossed
thanks @Ali11

[Owlunar]

Hi @outlander 

Burnout - yes - I had that when my son was alive and I was totally exhausted and stressed out in a big way - so I understand what you mean when you say your hobbies have become a chore - my psychiatrist told me that playing the piano and study was an excellent way to spend my time and I know it certainly was but it was just hard work

And I hear you - everything is just hard work - and I haven't had to care for a person with dementia so that is a blank page in my book but I can well understand that the person you are spending the most time with is repeating himself and forgetting to take his medication and I didn't read that part of the story though having him go out when you didn't know where he was must have been a worry

I understand

Self-care is important. Whoever suggest a few minutes of reading was better than none - a short walk is better than none - that's really on the mark - it must be frustrating to finally sit down for a break to be interupted with a question you have already answered 10 times before - I hear that - and it's yourself you need to care for at such a time - 

You do a lot for your Pop and it's an untold story in your life about how much you do - no one will recognise your degree of commitment so it seems like a thankless job - but you know and this is what you are doing

But it is very important to care for yourself too - the line is blurry - yes - when is enough enough?

When I stop and think of how my life was 30 to 40 years ago when my son's behaviour was out of control I know I did a great job - at the time I couldn't see it. He had BPD - not me but it must be so much harder to deal with when you have that disorder

I guess dealing with it has to be a day to day - even hour to hour decision - but please value yourself in what you are doing because what you are doing is amazing and you are so young

All the best outlander

Dec

[outlander]

thank you for your advice, tips and sharing whats happened/helped for you @Owlunar i know you had a tough job too. it seems family can also be the hardest to care for as well.
yep breaking it down each day seems a good way to go when every day can be so unpredicatable hey