Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Have had a really hard day doing a family assessment thing for family court. the assessor was really harsh and blunt and brutal, which was because she only had a specific time to talk to me for and needed to get as much detail as possible from me - i felt rushed and stressed. i got really upset and had to go to my school to get the kids and it was obvious i was upset and had a difficult time, but being new there it was just awkward and really awful. then my daughter was interviewd and came out upset too (not crying just tired and grumpy and very quiet).

then my son... then my ex was an hour late for his observation with the children.

i have so much going round in my head, i know i'm  good mum but sometimes when i get asked so many questions and why don't i, or didnt i, or can't i stuff i just feel like the worst person in the world. i'm so tired of this whole process, and having to relive stuff over and over and feel like im either not believed, or judged for how i dealt with things. Then with my mental health stuff i get more questions and everyone gts interviewd about me and i hate it, its like im on trial or something.

LJ

[suzanne]

Jeez @Former-Member, I can't imagine any parent coping well with those sorts of questions.  We're stumbling along trying to be good parents but I'm not sure how much of the stuff we do would stand up to close scrutiny.  I had a bad day at work yesterday and then had to apologise to my daughter this morning for taking it out on her.  She then asked me if she was a disapointment to me.  Arrow straight to the heart and massive guilt explosion.

Please be kind to yourself.  Everything you've ever written on here indicates a very kind and loving soul.  That will shine through.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

I agree with @suzanne.  I am sure you are a good mum and your kids are lucky to have you.  What you're going through must be a very difficult and tiring situation.  And on top of your own mental health - it must be really difficult.  But stay strong and you will get through.

Take care

[Former-Member]

Thank you both I'm just so tired of all of this stuff and feel like it's never going to end. But it's another thing done,
Lj

[Appleblossom]

Dear @Former-Member my heart goes out to you.  motherhood is such a delicate art and position that hostile even pseudo- objective assessments can be damaging .. and so the courts have a bit to answer for .. as I am not seeing a happier populace.

Try not to let it get you down.  I think starting a job in a new location is significant stressor.

My experience of Protective Services ... even though assessed me as fine to take on the baby ... was that they are mainly trying to cover themselves.  I am so sick of ... "the interests of the child" being bandied about by overpaid and usually underexperienced social workers and the legal profession. Its pretty arrogant to presume that they are privvy to the REAL interests of the children when they do not have a long term stake in the children's lives.  Though I was assessed as good enough .. in the long term I was sacrificed at the altar ... healthwise and relationship wise ... hmmmmm .. need I say any more.  Yes they have power and I hope they dont abuse it.

Take care.

[Drac0]

You certainly don't come across as a bad mother to this mere male @Former-Member.

Yes, you have problems, everyone here does, that's why we came here in the first place. But your posts come across showing you as a caring, loving mother despite everything. You work, spending your day looking after other peoples kids, then go home to care for you own. All while dealing with the internal & external issues in you're life. Sounds like you're doing a great job. I've seen much, much worse.

Take care of yourself, try to find some space to be yourself for at least a little while. You deserve that much.

[Former-Member]

Feeling really flat and low. The reporter asked my kids if they would mind living with their dad... and im terrified of that. My mental health worker visited this morning and said theres no way anyone who has worked with me over the last few years would suggest that there is any reason for the kids to be moved. No one has ever done a report of the kids (only one report was made because my daughter disclosed somethign about her father to her kindy before we seperated). my mental health carer said she's seen me parenting at my best mentally and through really tough times and has always felt that i am a really good mum.. which helps to hear... but none of that seems to make a difference in family court... its just what they see in black and white on paper. i feel like im second guessing everything i do everywhere. The worst stuff for my mental health at the moment is all of this court stuff.. 

Lj

[Drac0]

Any idea how long the court stuff is going to go on @Former-Member? You certainly don't need that putting extra pressure on you. From what you tell us I can't see them changing things. We all look forward to a great result for you.

Take care, keep being the good mather that you are!

[Angels333]

I haven't the right words for you @Former-Member am hoping for the best possible outcome for you.

[Former-Member]

Thank you @Drac0 and @Angels333

I dont know how long it will all go on for... I think my ex is only going to settle for taking the kids from me for as much time as he can as it gives him some control back. The family court trial is set for November sometime but there is a hearing scheduled for may. 😞 in the mean time i need to get a psychiatric assessment done and see what the outcome of the family assessment is.

I thought things were going okish in all this regard until this last week. Just a loss of how to continuously get through this stuff and feel so overwhelmed by it and the thought of what could happen if he has the kids all the time. Courts say they put the kids first... but because i have been in hospital as a voluntary patient (a year ago now) that is of more concern to the the courts than the fact that their father was found guilty of aggravated assault in their home now.

LJ