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aficionado
Senior Contributor

Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

I'm a 32 year old single male, diagnosed with BPD, anxiety and depression at age 13 (I manage my condition with meds and therapy). I am an immigrant in Australia, with no family or friends here to seek advice. I hope the kind people on this forum can offer suggestions.

 

I am working at a highly toxic workplace for over 2 years now, and my metal health issues have worsened considerably. But it does pay my bills, and that's the reason I am sticking it out in spite of me being a near total wreck.

 

There are a few reasons stopping me from getting a new job:

  • It is difficult to take time off on weekdays for interviews, since the management gives a really hard time to employees wanting leaves without more than a week's notice (interviewers never wait that long).
  • Whenever I did manage to take time off, I messed up in the interviews due to the level of stress involved in actually getting time off, and the general work stress hampering my performance significantly.
  • My workplace is located in the middle of nowhere, so I can't sneak away to an interview in the CBD (where most interviews take place) during my lunch break.

So it is practically not possible for me to seek new jobs before I quit my current one. But the difficulties I faced in the past (near homelessness, long periods of unemployment etc.) stop me from quitting.

 

Now I feel I am finally in a position to quit this job and wake up from my nightmare, since I have saved up enough money to live comfortably for 6 to 8 months with no income. Common sense suggests that I should be able to land another job during that time frame. But my confidence has taken a nosedive due to my current job, and I always have this fear of possibly never finding another job. My skills too aren't what they used to be.

 

Also, I will be going back to university for part-time post graduate studies next year. And my current job will certainly mess up my education. It appears like now is the best time to quit, and start my life and career over from a clean slate.

 

I have also nearly decided that I will be handing in my resignation tomorrow (I have a 4 week notice period, which I am fine with). But I am afraid of my fear and insecurities preventing me from doing that. And if I don't do it now, I am pretty sure I never will, and just continue slogging it out at this company until I lose my sanity, ruining my career along the way.

 

Is it really foolish to quit a job without another one lined up (as most people say), even in a situation where the current job is driving you nuts and preventing you from finding another job?

 

I have no support system at all. My so-called 'friends' just accuse me of being lazy, and using my mental illness as an excuse for my laziness. I have no one to turn to for advice.

76 REPLIES 76

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hi and welcome @aficionado

It seems you've found yourself in quite a conundrum my friend. Unfortunately I know it well.

I too missed out on wonderful career opportunities (interviews) due to overwhelming stress levels from work, so I gave up looking elsewhere feeling useless and ignorantly stuck it out. This led to a full-on breakdown and subsequent forced medical retirement by my employer.

 

Leaving your job is a brave and wise move in my opinion; your mental health is paramount. Limiting spending while you recouperate and find balance/confidence is the way to go for now. Your intuitive plans I'm sure will serve you well.

 

If you want to discuss things further, I'd be happy to chat.

 

Your intelligence and natural sense of wisdom are valuable qualities; please remind yourself of this daily.

 

My best;

Hope Heart

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hi @aficionado

welcome to the forum 😊

I too suffer from BPD depression and ptsd. About 10 years ago I worked in a very stressful job. St the time our dept had to cut staff back snd make a few redundant. We could volunteer otherwise it would be a “tap on the shoulder “. I contemplated to volunteer to take a package. I had one day left to decide. Because of my mental health and childhood issues that arised I couldn’t wirk in this field full time. 

So I quickly emailed HR and to my surprise they accepted my email offering to take a redundancy package. 

I then left two weeks later. 

My hudbsnd works snd I knew that we would be ok financially for a short time 

I applied fir quite a few jobs, went to two interviews where they never let you know if you got the job or not. 

Four months down the track and I bumped into a friend who told me a pharmacist was looking for a staff member in the shop. 

I took down my resume met the owner snd because of my previous experience I was offered a job pretty much straight away 

I would say to you to resign snd apply for jobs in the meantime. And as you said you’ll be able to go to interviews much easier than now. 

I know what it’s like to work in a toxic place. And it really us mentally emotionally snd physically. I had all that 

I know it’s a tough decision you need to make but putting your health first in the main priority. 

Good luck. Would love to hear how you go 

take care. 

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

@Hope4meand @BlueBay

 

Thanks a million for your positive words, people. I really appreciate that. And thank you for sharing your experiences. It takes a lot of courage to do that.

 

With careful spending, I can even stretch my savings out to 10 months. And since I will be going back to university from February, I'll be able to network with students who may be able to help me out with casual/unskilled jobs to pay bills while I look for a job in my profession.

 

I have a 15 day solo vacation/road-trip scheduled in early February, so my plan is to start my job search once I return, around mid-February. With my 4 week notice, I should still remain employed until mid-Janaury at least. So one month after that to relax and regroup, after which I'll start with my univesristy classes in the evenings and job search during the day time. I hope things eventually work out for me. Quite frankly, I am scared.

 

I am glad I came to these forums, where I get to interact with like-minded individuals who have suffered similar issues as me. It kind of makes me forget, at least temporarily, that I am probably destined to live out the rest of my life alone, ostracised by most members of the human race. But that's for another day.

 

 

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hi again @aficionado

I'm glad you got something of value out of our posts, though you sound a bit deflated. Have you experienced discrimination at work or in the community?

 

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

@Hope4me

 

No no! I haven't experienced any kind of discrimination in Australia. In fact, the locals here have been much more kind to me than those from my home country.

 

I am not really deflated. It is just that I have accepted the reality. I have mostly been kept at a distance for the most part of my life because I am supposedly 'different', and am too much for people to handle. Yes, my issues do make me quite a handful sometimes, but unfortunately the majority of the people do not understand mental health issues, and are not empathetic. I am usually known as this weird, lazy person who just uses mental illness as an excuse to gain attention and sympathy.

 

It has been years since I started living like a hermit, interacting with other humans only when I really have. I am sick and tired of being judged for something beyond my control, just because my issues can't be seen on the outside. It is similar to a wheelchair-bound person being judged for not being able to walk or run, and then calling him lazy and accusing him of using his wheelchair as an excuse to not walk or run.

I realised, years ago, that I can never be a part of the human race. So I just keep to myself for the most part, while living on my own in a rented unit. At least my career is something within my control, so I'd rather focus on it. As for humans, I don't possess telepathic powers to get inside their head and convince them that I can be like everyone else if only they'd give me a chance.

Sorry, I got a bit carried away and went off-topic.

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

No, please @aficionado; you have every right to voice your concern and feelings. I do understand...believe me.

I remember being accused of using headaches to get out of assigned tasks by a co-worker who was young and ignorant. It hurt, but I fobbed it off saying she wasn't important enough to engage with. That's the point isn't it?

 

Sure, it's nice to be sought after as a friend or adviser for instance, but at the end of the day, we 'choose' who we want to be around. [She] wasn't worth wasting my attention or intellect on.

 

You're here, which indicates you need company with like minded souls. Humans aren't meant to be alone; we're community driven...no man is an island.

 

I do understand though as I don't entertain at home or out, or seek out friendship either; I've been burned too many times. I have family close by, though spending time with them makes me weary. They tend to lack vital listening skills and can't identify with my MH plight. It just is I'm afraid. They're all I have so I grin and bear it, sometimes for the sake of having another voice or body in the room.

 

These are the sacrifices one makes to stay, well, sane if I can use that term. Do you have good psych/medication support? I hope so. It makes all the difference.

 

Write as much as you like my friend. You're heard, acknowledged and validated; you can be sure of this.

 

Take care;

Hope Heart

 

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

@Hope4me

 

Thank you very much! It is people like you who restore my faith in humanity. What you went through, and the way you are handling it, is commendable.

 

Yes, at this point I am getting pretty good medical care. And that's the reason I am still able to somehow trudge along in spite of my terrible workplace and perhaps my loneliness.

 

Apart from the education aspect, another reason why I decided to go back to university at this age, is to improve my social skills.

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hi @aficionado,

 

I can relate to your frustrations with not fitting it, as probably a lot of people here can. The good news is that uni is great for finding like-minded people with minimal effort - there are clubs and events for almost every interest, and even if none of them is really appealing it's a good way to simply try something new.

 

In your situation I don't think leaving your job without another one lined up is a bad idea at all. You sound like you've thoroughly thought it through and planned ahead. It can be alarming to plunge yourself into uncertainty (I'm terrible at it), but it will be a CHOICE you've made for your mental well-being. You're being proactive about a shitty situation, which is commendable. 

Re: Work pressure killing me, seeking advice

Hi Aficionado,

 

I too am an immigrant and although i'm sure it varies place to place, i have noticed no shortage of work here in Australia. Probably the main reason for me coming here.

 

May I ask where you are staying and which is the CBD you are located closest to?

 

I think the answers you seek are in your original post :

 

"Now I feel I am finally in a position to quit this job and wake up from my nightmare, since I have saved up enough money to live comfortably for 6 to 8 months with no income. Common sense suggests that I should be able to land another job during that time frame."

 

I completely understand the rest of your post around health issues and confidence, but having not even met you I would say you'll be pleasantly surprised if you were to take this leap of faith.

 

Best of luck mate.

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