Lived Experience Forum

[Lavender79]

New to the forum everyone. I haven't been diagnosed with BPD yet but now I realize bpd explains me..just my symtoms manifested in the form of bulimia and severe depression.

I feel everything and nothing..and every minute is a struggle inside. I did learn to hide very well..

No one knows I had bulimia for 10 years. I think deep down I fear the abandonment the most.

Been bulimia-free for 12 years but still I'm not normal. I stumbled onto the forum when I was looking for a bpd support group.

So lonely when every day is a struggle pretending to be normal when I'm far from it. Roller coaster feelings of highs and lows..

People just assume I'm quiet and moody... but I want to be around people where I can be myself .. and not feel too alone

Thought I would share and if you guys known of a support group of a good counsellor let me know 🙂

Sleepless in Sydney

[utopia]

Welcome @Lavender79.
Lonliness is hard. When we don't have people around us who understand what we are really going through, we can really feel alone.
I don't have BPD. I have Major Depression. But there are lots of members here who will catch up with you in the next day or two, many who live with BPD.
Are yiu waiting at the moment to get your diagnosis confirmed from a psychiatrist?
It is important to be ourselves. Do you have trouble relating to others, or do you feel people have trouble relating to you? Me, I tend to hibernate in my depressive state, so I don't see the few friends I have very often. Really only keep in contact with one.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Lavender79,

Welcome to Forum Land. I am a 40 year old woman who was diagnosed with BPD when I was 19 years old. You will often find me on this thread in Forum Land: Riding a wave where I ride out the giant waves of big feelings that are the hallmark of BPD. I have no experience with eating disorders - my SH manifests in different ways. However, there are others here in Forum Land who do have experience in that area.

As to finding a counsellor, I'm definitely not the right person to ask as I am currently searching for my thirteenth therapist since February last year. I was in a complex and abusive relationship with a psychologist for sixteen years and that has greatly made my muddle more muddled. Furthermore, we can't suggest counsellors/support groups here in Forum Land. I think this is due to the fact it would compromise anonymity. However, I super hope you will at least feel well supported here. Have you checked out the community guidelines? They are here: Community guidelines The guidelines are there to help keep Forum Land a super safe place.

You are not alone here and you can definitely be yourself. As to being "normal," I think normal is way over-rated. My mental health issues are complicated by the fact that I have what used to be known as Asperger's syndrome (now known as autism spectrum disorder), so "normal" is not even on my radar. However, happily for me, the people of Forum Land (who I call Forumites) seem to think I'm ok just as I am. I am 100% certain that they will think you are totally ok just as you are too.

Some of us are just starting out on an adventure of working through the Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) skills manual here in Forum Land. Have you heard of DBT? It is generally considered to be one of the most effective treatments for BPD. This is the link to our adventure: Let's do DBT. You are very welcome to join us if you want to. As I said, it is a new adventure so we are very much finding our way with it at the moment. We are all learning together.

Oh by the way, if you want to let someone know you have responded to them, you need to tag them by putting the @ symbol in front of their name. They will then get a notification that you have responded.

I super hope to see you around in Forum Land @Lavender79. As I said, you are not alone here and it is absolutely totally ok to be yourself.