Lived Experience Forum

[creative_writer]

@Appleblossom completely agree. I think having a trauma informed therapist helps to guide you. Don’t think I really noticed the patterns from hyper to hypo arousal before and how much disassociation I was doing when the trauma happened.

[NatureLover]

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@creative_writer wrote:
I feel like culture often tells you to keep yourself so busy to avoid your emotions, that only increases stress and the burn out feeling.

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You are so wise, @creative_writer . 

[NatureLover]

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@Appleblossom wrote:

If we dont face our demons we tend to keep repeating behaviours and relationship patterns without reflecting. 

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This is so true, @Appleblossom . I'm a  big believer in self-reflection.

[creative_writer]

@NatureLoverself-reflection is so important. I have a tendency to push myself to my limits, like lately I’ve felt the need to push myself to exercise despite feeling unwell physically, I even had a migraine aura the other day but continued to exercise, I think it was the sense of control, trying to minimise disruption in exercise routine, it sounds a bit obsessive, but sometimes I can be very rigid and set in my ways. I don’t want to lose my fitness, it takes a lot of hard work. Same thing with healthy eating, processed food triggers so much anxiety,  they say you don’t need to eat clean 100% of the time, brain won’t listen. I also have been spending too much time on the internet, particularly after I submitted my last assignment to avoid the pain and loneliness. Apologies for the rambling.

[NatureLover]

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@creative_writer wrote:

I also have been spending too much time on the internet, particularly after I submitted my last assignment to avoid the pain and loneliness.

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I also use distraction, @creative_writer ...distraction is good, but I can relate to spending too much time on the internet. I always feel much better when I stop looking at my phone and start meditating (not a structured meditation, just thinking through things and engaging with my feelings). You have reminded me that I haven't been doing much meditating lately - so thanks! 

Pushing yourself to your limits - what does that satisfy in you? It must serve a need in you...I'd be interested to hear. 

[creative_writer]

@NatureLoveryes, sometimes we do need to sit down mediate or deeply think about things. I probably should do that more often. Being away from electronics, and doing a lot of reflection in nature can be good for the soul. Honestly, I’ve crashed now and am stuck in bed, I mean what did I expect? My body is probably just very tired, really bad migraine, but I also seem to be very congested. I think I try to get a sense of control through exercise and diet, chronic pain and mental health can make your life feel out of control. 

[NatureLover]

@creative_writer  Sorry to hear about your bad migraine and congestion... 😞

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@creative_writer wrote:

I think I try to get a sense of control through exercise and diet, chronic pain and mental health can make your life feel out of control. 

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Ah yes, I can relate to needing a sense of control. I have this very intensely, and it's trauma-related, for me. I'm very sorry about your chronic pain 😞

[creative_writer]

@NatureLover trauma is just hard. I’m trying to recover, getting there slowly. Haven’t been managing my emotions properly, I can’t stop attaching myself to my phone to escape into the realm of the internet. I just don’t want to feel sad and lonely, and frankly, haven’t been in the mood to reach out for support. I have a fear of developing a dependency, and I’m afraid people will not understand, so why even bother? Over time one learns to control emotions to prevent tears from seeping through.

[NatureLover]

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@creative_writer wrote:
I have a fear of developing a dependency, and I’m afraid people will not understand, so why even bother?

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@creative_writer  I don't think people necessarily need to understand to be able to help...I know my psychologist doesn't have my 6 MIs, but I've got a lot of healing through therapy with her.

Is your fear of developing a dependency a fear of what happens if they leave?

And yes, trauma is tough...I feel for you.

[creative_writer]

@NatureLover someone does not have to have the same MI or experienced the same trauma to understand, they don’t have to completely understand, but I don’t want to be stared at blankly. You want to feel validated, heard and connected to the person you are talking to.

I think the fear of dependency may be related to fear of vulnerability. Like I don’t want to be too vulnerable, needy, and I certainly don’t want to burden people.