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29-05-2023 12:14 PM
29-05-2023 12:14 PM
To discipline or not for breaking things
My daughter breaks things when she is angry this month she has damaged more than 1000$ of property - what should I do?
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29-05-2023 12:21 PM
29-05-2023 12:21 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
Hi @Goldlining
Sorry to hear things are tough with your daughter right now. I'm thinking it must be really hard on you. Does she have a mental health diagnosis? A good first step is to reach out to your GP if she doesn't. They can give you referrals to other experts and services too.
If you feel comfortable, it would be great if you could share a little more information about your situation so we can help guide you in the direction of correct supports.
Warmest wishes
Hanami
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29-05-2023 04:39 PM
29-05-2023 04:39 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
@Goldlining A lot would depend on her age and the general context. I have overlooked 3 small breakages, which occurred over many years and were small in the broad scheme of things.
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29-05-2023 05:31 PM
29-05-2023 05:31 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
She broke her phone our home phone her laptop the plaster wall they keyboard the kettle the bedroom door
she is 15
i asked her to get ready for school and she was wanting to stay in bed
i suggested if she couldn’t get up she might miss out on something on the weekend
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29-05-2023 05:34 PM
29-05-2023 05:34 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
She doesn’t have a diagnosis
she says very hurtful things she self harms she hurts people and she breaks things when she is angry
this last month she broke her phone our home phone her laptop the plaster wall they keyboard the kettle the bedroom door
she is 15
i asked her to get ready for school and she was wanting to stay in bed
i suggested if she couldn’t get up she might miss out on something on the weekend
she lost it
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29-05-2023 05:43 PM
29-05-2023 05:43 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
Definitely removing privileges, but no active disciplining, while you get to the bottom of school refusing. and self harming. @GoldliningJust my sense of it. Get advice and I hope the school can offer counselling for your daughter. Take Care of you too. Not easy.
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29-05-2023 05:53 PM
29-05-2023 05:53 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
Hi @Goldlining . I used to do that. Sometimes based on rage and sometimes just based on playing irresponsibly. Two anecdotal hot tips coming up.
Reflecting on my experiences I think the best discipline revolves around the actual value. I broke a window at school once (that time was an accident but I was being the main hooligan in the equation). This was a long time ago but, we worked out some sort of a arrangement where I paid off a percentage of the cost. Some, because I was the most culpable, but not all because I was just a silly little kid (and the other kids pretty much got away with their involvement). It felt like a "restorative justice" experience. I was able to feel worthy as well as humbled.
The hottest of the tips is this. Rage re-directioning, starting with what I'm calling the 2-3 second challenge. The ability to suspend and redirect a destructive impulse is a game changer. Once you learn to hang on for the first few seconds, you get a whole few seconds of harm minimization. You can save a lot of damage with a few seconds because there's usually something less destructible or more expendable around. Also, sometimes a few seconds is enough to switch from breaking mode to running/crying/yelling mode (also fine redirects).
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29-05-2023 08:55 PM
29-05-2023 08:55 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
Thanks. How do you teach someone the 2-3 second thing?
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29-05-2023 08:56 PM
29-05-2023 08:56 PM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
Thanks. How do you teach someone the 2-3 second thing?
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01-06-2023 10:01 AM
01-06-2023 10:01 AM
Re: To discipline or not for breaking things
more details : she is 15 she
get angry easy, she doesn't have a diagnosis, someone suggested BPD.. we are waiting to see a psychiatrist, no appointment for mohts, she has hurt her elf, others, she has overdoesd, when she gets angry She breaks things, this week she broke her phone our home phone her laptop the plaster wall the keyboard the kettle the bedroom door
she is 15
i asked her to get ready for school and she was wanting to stay in bed
i suggested if she couldn’t get up she might miss out on something on the weekend