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Something’s not right

sm678
Casual Contributor

Things aren't going well

Hi everyone. Just wanted to say that its really helpful reading your posts, and I finally mustered up the courage to share my own feelings. 

 

I feel like I’m slipping through quicksand, that my mind creates traps for me through my thought patterns and then punishes me. Ive been diagnosed with social anxiety and depression. I went to a doctor behind my parents back, because they don’t really believe in mental illnesses, and when I’m anxious or sad they look at me with so much disappointment in their eyes. I've tried bringing it up to my mother but she thinks I should be able to get over these illnesses myself and I don’t need any professional help. I used to be a top student and got into an advanced placement in school but since then my grades have dropped drastically. Its almost like I’m afraid to study now, its like my sadness has become a crutch and I’d rather hang onto it than make a change, because I’m afraid to fail and fall back into the same position. I'm constantly chastising myself for being sad or anxious when i know i should be happy and enjoying life. I don’t really enjoy anything the same way I used to, and I’m terrified to open up to people about it, because I’ve been taught that mental illness is weak. My family is always bugging me about it, because I hardly leave the house. But the way i see it is, just like we go to a doctor when we are sick, we should be able to see someone when we are feeling mentally ill, right?  How can my family expect me to be the same as before when they can’t even support me in that manner? I know its not their fault, its just the way they were raised, they seem so much stronger than me and I can’t help feeling like I’m defective somehow or broken and weak. At this point in time, I don’t have enough money to see a professional, and to be honest I’ve been really scared to approach anyone in case my parents find out. Hopefully when I move out I’ll be able to do things on my own, but I’m afraid that my situation is going to become worse and worse. I feel really awkward telling my friends when I’m anxious because I've become good at masking my anxiety, but the truth is that just makes it worse for me and I really criticise and think negatively about myself. I know I shouldn’t complain but honestly it gets so painful sometimes and I just get sick of everything. I have a lot of internal anger that I can never seem to express, but sometimes i just feel like exploding and saying things that can’t be unsaid. I scare myself sometimes and I really don’t know how much more disappointment in myself that I can take. 

 

To anyone that read this, thank you so much for listening to me. It really means a lot. 

8 REPLIES 8

Re: Things aren't going well

Hi@sm678 welcome to the forums - good on you for being brave and making a post!

 

Wow. I resonate a lot with your experiences... It took me about 8 years to truly engage with getting professional MH support, because the whole time I never truly believed that I needed help. Never mind the fact that I lived with suicide ideation every day and struggled with self-harm - I sincerely felt that unless I had experienced a 'real' trauma, like being in a war zone or some kind of childhood abuse, I shouldn't need therapy.

 

I now work in mental health, and believe with all of my heart that everyone should see a therapist at some point in their lives!! Life is a big, scary, confusing thing to go through, and none of us can do it alone. You are not defective for not being able to cope.

 

Everyone is different of course, and so the type of therapy or mental health support that will be most effective for you might not be a psychologist, it could be a counsellor, or group therapy, or something like that. But if money is an issue, you can always ask for a referral to a psychologist and a mental health care plan from a GP to get the costs taken care of by Medicare. If you're 25 or under you can go to a place like Headspace where they have GPs and psychologists and the full cost of sessions is rebated by medicare - so it would all be free. Also, under the laws of confidentiality, your attendance is kept in strict confidence, so your parents need never know.

 

I am so sorry to hear that they have failed to be understanding of your needs, but you deserve help and support regardless of their opinions. And this wonderful community can be there to support you along the way as well. 😁💜

 

Re: Things aren't going well

Hey @sm678 You have a right to see who you need and your GP can help with that - there are psychs that bulk bill and/or charge a small amount on top of the medicare rebate. It seems from your post that you need to access some help and there are services that can provide that . May I ask your age - so I can suggest some relevant services for you that you may be able to access.

 

I do understand that apprehension because of your parents' views but in the long run it is your life and you need to do what is right for you. That, however, is a hard thing to come to terms with when you still live with your parents and have to live with their views and ideas everyday - very much feel for you. Unfortunately there is still so much stigma associated with mental health and mental illness and when that comes from those closest to you then is feels even harder to deal with yourself.

Re: Things aren't going well

Hi there @sm678 . Welcome to the forums👋!

I’m @Judi9877 and I’m a Community Guide here on the forums. I have a lived experience of mental illnesses with depression, schizophrenia and Borderline Personality Disorder being my 3 conditions. I’m so glad you’ve found the forums and have been able to share your story. That’s very brave of you and I commend you on your bravery and courage to do so. Well done! 
Just a tip to help you find things you met be interested in. Use the @ key to type in fellow forum members names or topics you might be interested in and a box will appear which you can click on to find what you might be looking for. I hope this helps!

 

As for seeking help and having trouble with your family understanding mental health, that’s tough but you are not alone, especially here in the forums. You’ve already taken the first step by seeking help from a doctor and then by finding the forums and reaching out. That’s a great amount of achievements and I applaud you for doing that. I know that seeking help can be difficult but there are many different services that can help. Like @Jynx mentioned, you can speak to your doctor about a referral to a psychologist or counsellor or even look around for services available at your local health service or hospital if relevant. I know they some services offer Telehealth so that may work for you as well if getting to the service is difficult. I see my psychologist by Telehealth appointment and it works really well, especially since he offers me to communicate via email if I need to talk to him about something that happens between appointments. 

In regards to your parents not understanding mental illness, I’ve also experienced that especially as my father has a weird idea about schizophrenia. He also doesn’t understand my Borderline Personality Disorder as well and suffice to say, I’ve now lost contact with him because of his lack of understanding towards my mental illnesses. This is despite him having anxiety and depression as well as alcoholism as his health issues. Maybe you could try and get your family members some information on what you’re experiencing and let them read about it? I know there are some great resources available on depression, such as here in the Sane resources section on the forums if that’s of any help? Sometimes, family members are scared and that’s why they may not understand or want to understand that their family member is ill with mental illness. They may have their own concerns and this can take time to grasp how they’re feeling about the topic. Sometimes, it can help to get someone else who you both trust to sit down and explain things so you both feel able to talk things through. These are just suggestions so it’s your choice as to what you do with them. I have found from experience though, that parents can be scared and feel helpless when their child is mentally unwell and it may take them time to understand that you are unwell.

 

Like you, I’m a student at uni and when I’m depressed, I struggle to study. However, I have found in the past that studying is good for me and is very motivating as well to the point where I’ve gone back to uni after a recent hospital admission as I missed the academic work and challenge of researching and reading thought provoking articles. As for grades, whilst they do matter, I’ve had to accept that the main achievement I can hope for is to just pass my subjects with anything higher than a Pass mark being an added reward and one that is well deserved. Please don’t give up on studying because although things seem hard right now, that’s the depression talking and you will get there in the end. Feeling like you are going to fail is something I know a bit about but I also know that just working on things bit by bit all adds up to things getting completed which is the main thing and something to keep focusing on. Depression can make things hard to do at times, but doing little things can help, even studying. I know that when I’m depressed, I often think I’m a failure and that I can’t achieve or do anything worthwhile, but then I have a look around and notice that I’m still alive and that each minute I’m on Earth is an achievement in itself which is a great realisation to have. There’s a section in the forums called Daily Achievements! that you may want to check out which is where forum members like myself list the things they’ve achieved over the day they they’re proud of, no matter how big or small the things may be. I find that it helps me with my depression as I’m forced to take time to think and reflect on my day and what I did do in it which makes recording the achievements extra special in my view, especially when my depression takes hold!

 

Please take care and stay safe. I look forward to seeing you around the forums!

 

Judi9877☺️💐

Re: Things aren't going well

Hello @sm678 

 

You have written beautifully and clearly, I think, about feelings that you are experiencing and how you are relating to the external influences and internal stressors in your life.

 

I can say that what you wrote seemed to connect with me through similar experiences in my earlier life. I am at the other end of the age spectrum to you, but through your description, there were definitely areas with which I could very much identify.

 

Like you and your situation, my father, in particular, was opposed to seeking support and guidance from outside. My mother, when I was about 12 years of age, wanted him to take me to a psychologist because of the continuous conflict between him and me. However, he refused.

 

Unfortunately, because of a misplaced commitment, founded on my own philosophical views at the time, to my mother and indeed, my father, I believe that I stayed in that environment for far too long.

 

Obviously, it is not appropriate for me to suggest a course of action that I think that you should follow. However, I can tell you a little of my story from which you may be able to consider options that might be right for you.

 

Unfortunately, as in my childhood, many years ago, there was a certain stigma attached to mental illness. Though, for possibly different reasons, a type of stigma still exists today. I believe that is what you may be referring to when you talk about your parents' views.

 

Your comments;

I'm constantly chastising myself for being sad or anxious when i know i should be happy and enjoying life.”,

also connect for me. This is a habit that I have found very difficult to address. Finding fault with myself and attributing blame, even when I logically know that those feelings are not warranted and are inappropriate.

 

I will post this not to you now to see whether you have connection with some of my comments. If you would like to discuss any ideas thoughts or issues, I would be very pleased to discuss them with you.

 

With My Very Best Wishes

@HenryX

 

 

 The following notes, though comprehensive, may help you in navigating the forum environment as you progress in forum activity and may be easier than finding out the methods by 'trial and error'.

@sm678, Welcome to the forum. I hope the following information will help you to actively participate in the forum discussions.

The following description for writing members into your post is given in:

Guidelines & Info under the heading "How can I include other members in my post?"

 

Following that, I have added a more detailed description of the process of

Posting a Comment and Replying to Another Post

and

Accessing and Responding to "Your Notifications"

"Your Notifications" are advice of those notifications, about messages that have been addressed to you, or from threads in which you have been active.

"How can I include other members in my post?

When you write a post, you can add member addresses to include other Forum members in the discussion.

  1. Start a new discussion or click 'Reply' or 'Quick reply' on a post.

  2. Type @ then start typing a member name you want to include:

  3. In 'Reply' you'll see a list of suggested member names.

  4. In 'Quick reply', you need to type the whole name.

  5. Select or type the member name and you'll see it linked in your post.

  6. Add more member names the same way if you like, finish your post and click 'Post'. The member will get a notification saying they've been mentioned in your post.”      {copied from Guidelines & Info}

I have added the following, more detailed guide, which I hope will be of help in using the functions of the forum as you progress. If you have any problems, just ask from wherever you are and someone will offer assistance.

 

Posting a Comment and Replying to Another Post

When you want to reply to a post with someone's forum address, e.g.,  @sm678 , @Jynx , @Judi9877 , @Zoe7 , @HenryX 

Forum Name  =   HenryX               Forum Address =   @ + HenryX                =  @HenryX

Forum Name  =  sm678                 Forum Address =   @ + sm678             @sm678 

  1. Click the REPLY oval to the bottom right of the post to which you intend replying
  2. With the cursor in the REPLY box, type the "@" symbol {without quotation marks / inverted commas} This will open a drop down menu with up to five or six Forum Addresses of people who have commented in the thread in which you wish to post a REPLY

  3. The @ symbol, that you enter, cannot be adjacent to any other letter or symbol, in front of, or behind, in order for the drop-down menu to appear       P@,J = X          P  @  ,J  =

  4. Selecting a Forum Address from the list will automatically enter that Forum Address into the REPLY box. An alert to the person concerned, when the message is posted, will appear in their "Your Notifications" page-list.

  5. Repeat steps 2 to 4, to include additional Forum Address entries into the REPLY box

  6. Enter the comment that you wish to offer, then click POST once, and click POST again. {Two POST clicks are normally required. If the comment does not post on the second click, check above and below the reply box for Error Messages.

  7. However, if you see this timeout message, Don't panic:

    "Authentication Failed.

    Authentication Ticket Mismatched, failed authentication."

    Copy the whole of the message that you have typed into the REPLY box to your clipboard, refresh the page  {top left of browser window}, and, after the page refresh, check the message, if it remains in the REPLY box, then check the message and then click POST once, and click POST again.

  8. If the message needs to be re-entered into the REPLY box, paste the copied message back into the REPLY box; complete the message and click POST once, and click POST again.

  9. You can ignore the following message, if you see it displayed below the Reply box:

    "Your post has been changed because invalid HTML was found in the message body. The invalid HTML has been removed. Please review the message and submit the message when you are satisfied."

    That should complete the message process unless there are any other error messages that require attention.

Additional Notes.

{When you are copying from the REPLY box, before refreshing, I believe that forum addresses do "copy and paste" back into the same refreshed REPLY box properly, as active links.}

{The process above is what I had to do with this message because I took so long to write the message. That is when the dreaded "Authentication Failed" message most often appears}

 

Another way of avoiding the dreaded "Authentication Failed", when writing longer messages, is to write the message in your word processor {Microsoft Word, Apache OpenOffice Writer, etc} and then "copy and paste" the text, from the word processor document, into the REPLY box,

add the desired Forum Addresses and post.

Caution: I believe that forum addresses do not copy and paste properly from the word processor as functional links, so it is best to enter all forum addresses directly into the Reply box when using a word processor for your draft copy.

 

Accessing and Responding to "Your Notifications"

Toward the top right of the forum page, to the right of Guidelines & Info, is placed the word New .

  1. Clicking on the word New will open your "Your Notifications" page

  2. The "Your Notifications" page displays a list of notifications, addressed to you. The notification is sent when another member has entered your forum address to alert you to their message. You will also receive notification of messages, that have been posted by other members, in threads to which you have also posted, in which you have been active or have subscribed to the thread.

  3. In the "Your Notifications" page, Left click on the link, which will be displayed like this;

    Re: Henry's Landing Strip & Hangar " {with the prefix "Re:" but without quotation marks / inverted commas} A Left click on the link will open the link and the included message in the same browser TAB as the "Your Notifications" browser TAB, or

  4. Right click on the displayed link and Left click on the "Open Link in New Tab", at the top of the drop-down banner, to open the link and message in a new browser TAB

  5. If there are a number of message alerts, I find it easier to open two or three of them, at a time, in new browser TABs


    If you have any other questions, to which you would like answers or guidance, you are welcome to post them here, or in the thread in which you are active and another member or I will be happy to offer assistance.

     

    With Best Wishes

    @HenryX 

Re: Things aren't going well

Hi @Jynx Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It's nice to know that I'm not alone and other people may be or have experienced similar things to me. I especially resonate that you saying that you didn't think you required therapy because you haven't experienced trauma as heavy as warfare or abuse. I will definitely check out Headspace and the services available to me, thank you so much for your suggestions. I hadn't known about the confidentiality aspect of it, so thats great. Its so nice to hear that my feelings are valid and I'm not crazy. 

Re: Things aren't going well

Hi @Judi9877, thank you so much. Your words about studying really offered a different perspective. Thank you. Im sorry to hear about your fathers refusal to understand your mental health, but I think its really brave that you took the right step for yourself in choosing yourself and your own wellbeing. I think my family may be scared, I'm not surprised since they seem to have a very adverse reaction to things going wrong. Thank you so much for your encouragement, I definitely will check out Telehealth.

Re: Things aren't going well

Thank you so much @HenryX Its great to know that I'm not alone in my emotional experiences, no matter how much it feels like it from time to time. It can be hard when it comes to parents, for me at least I feel like it's because they encompass such a big part of our lives and in shaping our worldview. It can be painful realising they don't always know whats best. Thank you for sharing your story and the helpful guide.

Re: Things aren't going well

Hi @Zoe7 you're right. I am currently a uni student under 25. Forming your own beliefs can be hard when your parents are so adamantly against them.
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