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Redraw
Senior Contributor

The everlasting lifemare

Today I should feel happy as my team finally won an afl premiership, I am glad of that but it can't take my pains away, the all encompassing emptiness, my fear of people continues unabated not that people of any type really notice nor give a crap about me my fear is not for any real reason but because so many things are so easy for them when for me some are very hard others implausible, I have taken much pain over my limited time and I try while a struggle to improve myself, I quit drinking because I got little from it except a very short reprieve from my mind, I quit smoking, I try to increase my walking.

every day I wake to see a day with a pained tear draining from my ever tired eyes, I try to find some light among the darkness but forever find myself alone within my heart, my head and this world, 

78 REPLIES 78

Re: The everlasting lifemare

I see movies like fight club and similar and I can't help but feel envious of the characters portrayed as despite the illness they still fit better in this world and with people than I do.

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: The everlasting lifemare

Hey @Redraw,

Been a while since we last crossed paths!

Just wanted to say a quick hello... and well done for quitting smoking and drinking. It sounds like you're making amazing strides for your health at the moment. Which is even more impressive given how down you are still feeling. It shows remarkable strength. 

Are you up to anything in particular tonight?

 

OH and of course- congrats on the doggies winning! 🙂 

Re: The everlasting lifemare

No not up to anything watched the football alone like everything else went for my sunset walk, quit drinking awhile ago now as I said drinking never did much for me, but I am very different from everyone else so that's no big shock the smoking that's more recent but been a couple of months so that's something. 

I try my best to better myself in whatever way I can thinking maybe it might in someway change something or improve something rarely does it, I am not losing weight which I am going to make more alterations to try to assist, I do these things thinking maybe it will make me feel better or I don't know maybe make me more endearing, but yeah if all the alterations I have been through over the course of my 36 years have resulted in naught then I shouldn't expect otherwise. 

As for what I am doing I decided to kick back and watch some martial arts movies.

GO DOGS!

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: The everlasting lifemare

It definitely can feel futile when you are working so hard to improve all the time but don't see the kinds of pay-offs you expect. 

Cool! Which martial arts movies have you got? I'm afraid my experience in martial arts is limited to Jackie Chan. And even then.. Rush Hour 1, 2, 3. But it's definitely something I've wanted to incorporate more into my life! Can you suggest something for me to peak my interest? Which is your fave?

YESSSS goooo dogggiessss (proud Essendon supporter but for the sake of today am momentarily putting resentments behind) 🙂 

Re: The everlasting lifemare

Hmmmmm well Jackie chan is of course one of the best and but you can't go past the classic Bruce lee movies, at the moment I am watching the mortal kombat movies not great and I think prime for a remake if someone with some skill took on the challenge, Jackie chan has a great range and at least one that was filmed in Melbourne I was watching his police story movies there is about 6 of them, then there is things like bloodsport but favourite well enter the dragon and game of death are classics so probably them cradle to the grave has some good moments too it is very hard to find quality martial arts movies especially in English, though I was watching one of the early police story movies and the English voice dub for Jackie chan was enough to make me laugh, jet li has made a few good ones like unleashed but most of his movies tend to go into the cables and stuff to much. Popular movies I have heard of but have yet to see as I prefer to watch in English are one bak series and ip man series there is English versions around just have yet to find them

actors, Bruce or Brandon lee sadly both dead, Jackie chan, jet li, mark dacascos, van damme to an extent, they are your primaries, 

Re: The everlasting lifemare

Oh and in my family it's half Essendon half Bulldogs, oh and big trouble in little china has some good bits too

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: The everlasting lifemare

OH maybe I've seen more than I thought? I have seen Unleashed (incredible movie!) and I am a huge fan of the Van Damme movies too.. I watched one not long ago, I can't remember which it was though (they do tend to kind of blur together haha). 

OK maybe I need to check out some of Jackie Chan's other works. Doesn't hurt that he's so funny as well! Thank you!

Ahhh yes I'm familiar with that struggle.. I'm half Essendon, half Carlton. How did you decide to go with the Dogs? I was convinced by my dad to go for Essendon.. (even though at quite a young age my greatest wish was to go with Richmond because.. duh Tigers are awesome!) My mum was too uninterested in AFL to put up much of a fight 😛

Re: The everlasting lifemare

Well for me both parents at the time were big supporters I sorta was split on the day in the end I went with Bulldogs because well my older brother went Essendon so I evened it out and Bulldogs are cool, and speaking of Richmond still holding a grudge against them personally for the 90's crap but now my niece got shanghaied into supporting them and that sucked.

the Jackie chan movie filmed in Melbourne is mr nice guy. I actually posted something on Facebook or something after watching a few of his early movies that it would of paid off so well having the fake glass or ambulance contracts for any of his movies, the hilarity is always there and there is always the blooper reel at the end it's great, rumble in the Bronx is good for that he actually finished the movie with a cast on his leg 

dragon the Bruce lee story is another good one 

Former-Member
Not applicable

Re: The everlasting lifemare

Hahaha that's nice that you evened everyone out! Nice to have some balance in the family 🙂 You can't STILL be holding onto stuff that happened in the 90's? Gosh we Aussies have long memories when it comes to sport hahaha. You can't hold it against your neice.. She was probably just like me "tigers are so cute!".

I have made a note of them! So Mr Nice Guy, Rumble in the Bronx and Dragon the Bruce Lee Story. Thanks Redraw 🙂

 

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