16-02-2020 07:52 PM
Haven't written here for a while.
Things aren't so good. Actually haven't written anywhere, and definitely haven't had anyone to talk with. And you know what? It kind of gets to a point where you realise that nobody has asked if you are ok. Nobody has enquired about how you are. Nobody has sent a message, a text, nobody has called.
That is because there isn't anyone.
I guess it just highlights even more than usual, how invisible I am. Physically and emotionally. I have tried going to a few groups in the last month, when time has allowed, but, they have all been social dead ends, mostly full of older people and/or couples, and they have just added to the feeling of invisibility.
Everywhere I go, be it to work, to the gym, to a group, or just out to a movie or even to go shopping, I have to go alone. There is nobody to talk with, let alone do anything with. Work is the same as always. I am only spoken to if it is absolutely nessersary, and even then it is more often than not only via text messages or post-it notes. There is nobody online to talk with, let alone have any chance to connect with.
I am the Invisible Man. Ha, I know someone will say that they see me, but, I also know that they really only see this ... they don't really see me.
16-02-2020 08:35 PM
16-02-2020 08:36 PM
I talk to anyone.
I am a lonely man.
I have a Bipolar 2 , memory is not good which makes trying to talk to people difficult.
Be someone hitchhiking out of my (small country town) and I take you 50 k to the next town when I wasn’t even going there.
You are happy, I am happy, we talk all the way.
I have done exactly this.
16-02-2020 09:55 PM
Fully understand. I am in the same place. Even with busy active lifestyles, there is still a portion of the population that is alone. You and I are in this boat. I think we just have to accept our invisibility and look at it as a superpower or an observer-type. Funnel it into poetry, art, writtung, comics.
17-02-2020 07:59 PM
@GeminiLion Yeah. Do all that kind of stuff. Write. Do art. Have a lot of hobbies. Too many really, it feels like there is never time enough to do them all. But none of them take the place of having someone to share even just one of them with. And yep, have tried interest groups, offline and on, but it always ends up just making me feel even more invisible.
I don't see it, feel that it is a superpower. Not after a lifetime of it. Yes, you get to observe a lot ... sometimes that is good, sometimes it has it's benefits, but they are massively outweighted by being overlooked ... or just not looked at, not seen, at all. Not just that, but most of my life being told that nobody wants to see me.
17-02-2020 08:03 PM
@Calmblueocean, you are lucky if you get even them calling round to talk to! I honestly can't remember the last time even someone trying to sell something knocked on the door.
17-02-2020 08:05 PM
@Ralph, if you are comfortable picking up hitchhikers, well, good for you. Not everyone is comfortable doing that. I sure wouldn't.
17-02-2020 09:21 PM
Hey @JosRapp. I would come and knock on your door and say hello. Have you got a dog? I talk to my dog a bit but he doesn't talk back. I take him for walks and people stop and chat. Maybe sometimes its good to take the initiative and chat to someone. Someone at work? I have learned to enjoy my own company . If i have a big conversation with someone i get home and feel a bit overwhelmed by it. I dissect what we talked about and think about it too much. It is good to have a person to chat with and maybe these forums can help. You are right though a real person to be there for you can be hard to find.
18-02-2020 05:26 PM
@Calmblueocean, no, I don't have a dog, or any pets anymore. Have had in the past though, dogs and cats, but found that it didn't help the loneliness. Not even walking the dogs, taking them to puppy school and stuff like that, it didn't help in meeting people.
No, there is nobody at work to talk with. I have learnt that lesson from experience, so, I don't push it any more since they have made it clear that they aren't interested in talking with me. It is like that anywhere I have gone though, from school to work, interest groups and hobbies, gym, volunteering. I have been using the internet since 1995, and haven't found anyone to connect with in all that time.
Sometimes, I feel even more invisible on the internet, because, I guess it feels like people can just turn it off and walk away. That I am just text on a screen, and not really real.
20-02-2020 06:13 PM
It feels so, so dehumanising.
That is the only way I can describe it now really. It is something more than invisible. That makes me feel less than human.
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