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Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hi @outlander  thank you so so much,your support is very welcome espcially today, yesterday i came to the realisatio nthat next year will be the 20th anniversary since i have had any real life friends. gone out to a party, gone out for a coffee, gone to the shops. 

 

god 20 years, how did i let things get so so bad. im so ashamed of myself and so sad of all the things i have missed out on.

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hello and hugs my awesome friend @Jacques Heart

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hey @Jacques
im sorry to hear that. that does sound like a long time for sure, im only 22 so probably don't have as much experience as others but I can tell how this is affecting you.
please don't be ashamed of yourself, mental health isn't picky. it can affect anyone and often with help it does become consuming.
its a hard realisation, but having this new awareness do you think you could have a think about what area/s of your life you could try to improve and how you might do that?
Ie start by contacting some old friends and meet at a coffee shop for a catch up?

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

thank you @outlander your so so kind, im 37 now, i have been housebound since 19 so i have missed all my 20's and almost all my 30's to this illness, it has taken everything from me, i only have my beautiful partner left, im so so scared one day i will lose her if i can't overcome this illness. 

 

no i don't know any of the people i went to school with and they have all moved on and had families, i have no connection to anyone i knew, i stopped everything when i was 19, no contacts i didn't even follow any of them through there lifes journey. everything froze in 2001 for me. im stuck in a time loop with no way out in sight. 

 

im too scared even if i was able to find some of them, the look of horror and pity when people hear what i have been through is heart breaking, how do i explain to someone i knew 20 years ago that my life stopped the last time i saw them? they have homes, families, carreers, friends, travels. all i can say is i keep busy in my shed and have not done much else in the past 20 years. it is really really hard to come to terms with that for me, let alone people i know or have known.

 

i do a really good job of hiding it from my extended family, they do not know half of what is going on, and i avoid answering any questions or put on a brave face.

 

sorry this is a long pity ramble, i didn't expect to say so much.

 

thank you for thinking of me, i just hope this happens to no one else, it is truly soul destroying.

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hi @jaques thank you for sharing abit more about yourself. I better understand now.
I can relate to looking at others and feeling embarrassed. Like you while others made careers, are having kids, dating or engaged or just living life while I am here in this rut and just going in circles with not much to say or even enough to make a conversation about how life is what ive been up to etc it can be embarrassing.

I am also really good at hiding my mental health from family even those closest to me. they barely noticed anything until I was admitted to hospital with a breakdown and plans to end my life (they don't know this part) and now 2 yrs on ive gotten better at hiding it as well. im aware this isn't healthy as im sure you are too but its the way we cope with our illnesses I think.

Do you have any supports like a psychologist? I know your scared but sometimes they can offer phone chatting rather then seeing you in person until you feel abit better about going in.

please don't be sorry for rambling, I really don't mind listening

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

just checking in to see how you are @Jacques
also forgot to tag you in above post 🤦‍♀️

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hi @outlander sorry i missed your message. 

 

no i have no support i tried some psychologist, but it did not go well for me, one wanted $300 a session which i can't afford, the other told me i was faking my anxiety and depression and staying isolated for 14 years so i could get the dole as he put it, so no i have not tried again, even though doctors are trying really hard to encourage me to try again. 

 

yes, they explained to me you can do councilling over the phone or skype, and it is an option, i guess after 30 years with this illness im scared of getting better, i know it is strange to day, but being isolated now for almost 20 years im scared of the world, im scared of people and im scared of life. i don't know if that makes sense. 

 

i never had any plans past the age of 21, i never thought i would make it that far, so i never had any idea what would happen if i lived longer than that. 

 

i guess meeting my girlfriend and having to look after myself now is really alien to me im scared of the unknown, im scared of the future. 

 

im going ok, a day at a time, im having issues with my breathing, i think it is just asthma.

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

im sorry you were treated that way @Jacques ive had some pretty tough experiences with psychologists too. Sometimes I wonder why they become psychologsts or the likes if they don't really want to help and use blaming as a technique towards getting better. ive not come across anyone who gets better by being blamed for something that's not their fault.

What you said about being scared to get better makes perfect sense. When you've lived with something for so long even though it isn't the best way to live its almost like the only way we know how to live. 'who am I without my illness' or 'how do I live without my illness' 'what do I do once im better' very valid concerns
im not isolated however im scared of the world too. it can be really hard to live in but I am really glad you met your girlfriend though. Being scared of the future is really common too. I do hope that one day youll feel ok to just make tiny baby steps even if its a walk out to the letter box and back and work your way from there.
If your breathing gets worse please do get checked out or ring healthdirect and speak to one of the nurses there. they can guide you to ease your breathing.

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hi @Jacques just checkin in to see how your going? hope your breathing is better now too

Re: Supporting a partner in a crisis

hi @outlander 

 

im ok, i had my chest xray it seems i am all clear, and they have me on anti biotics for a chest infection which is helping so so much

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