Struggling

[Pia88]

I have been on an ssri for about 2 years aside from a 3 month period I tried another type of ssri which was disastrous and made me suicidal. The first ssri originally worked but now I feel nothing. My panic attacks are getting so bad again I am starting to avoid my triggers. I was diagnosed with coeliac disease a few months ago which has been challenging but was told my anxiety would improve on a gluten free diet. I'm just starting to feel like it's never going to be better

[Former-Member]

Morning @Pia88,

Welcome to the forums, it takes a lot of strength to try something new like reaching out in an online forum so I wanted to first just say well done - being vulnerable can be very helpful in all of our journeys. 

Sorry to hear of the tough time you are having, medication can be a tricky thing to work out. Do you have a doctor you work with on this? Panic attacks can be really scary and tiring to deal with - it sounds like you are quite aware of your triggers though. What have you found helps you get through a panic attack? 

[MDT]

Hey @Pia88

Welcome to the forums. @Former-Member has some good points.

Meds are tricky business. I've been through that. Something that works well is being in touch with your specialist but at the same time working on other stuff in your life giving you stress or angst. I'm not sure what this is for you, perhaps it's not a good time to go looking for more things to shake you about. But maybe for now taking it a bit easier is an option? Sounds like you've had a rough few years.

[Pia88]

Thanks @Former-Member 

I do have a therapist I see quite regularly so am managing my medication with her. It just feels so disheartening when you feel like it's not working anymore. I practice my breathing when I can and try CBT therapy but it's very hard to have a quiet moment when you're so anxious all the time. I know it's a long journey and I need to do little things every day but I just feel like a burden on my partner. I feel like I'm not performing in my job as well. I just wish I had something to hold onto to make me believe I could get better one day

[MrsButty]

Hi @Pia88 

I know exactly what you are going through as I am going through the same thing. I have suffered with PND with both of my children and have been on SSRIs for 7 years now. I have tried 3 different ones, the first worked for about 18 months then stopped working. the second worked for about 3 years then stopped working, the 3rd was horrendous and I began to suffer from Suicidal thoughts on it so I went back to the 1st one again. Things are ok after being back on this one for nearly a month now. I am in a constant battle with myself in my head about forcing myself to go to work so I am not a lazy burden as well as an emotional burden on my husband and kids. I work full time, I'm up from 5:30am and don't get home until 6pm when I then start my main job as Mum, housekeeper, cook, accountant, taxi driver, personal shopper, etc. By the time I'm done with all my jobs, I am so exhausted I just go to bed. I don't get any down time (not that I think I deserve it anyway so probably wouldnt even take it if I could). I worry myself to sleep about everything from 3rd world problems to not being the one to take my 7 year old to school or be home with my 3 year old before she starts Kindy next year.

Life is hard, its even harder if you suffer with Mental Health problems. There is no quick fix, there is no shortcut to happiness or a normal life. We just all need to find a way of dealing with our issues to help make sure we get through each day. The first step is talking, to your husband/wife/partner/Mother/brother/Boss anyone who you have a serious relationship with basically. Once they know whats happening, you can point them in the direction of where to get ideas and advice on how to help us get through these problems. 

I hope this makes you feel a little more comfortable, knowing there are others out there in the exact same position, feeling the same way about ourselves. 

I'm having a bad day, had a panic attack whilst driving into work (I don't know my triggers for them) so I'm just trying my best to keep my head down and keep my mind busy with work and trying to find positive things to concentrate on. Things like 'How can I help others?' by helping myself. 'How do I help myself?' by realising firstly I need help, asking for help, taking deep breaths, going outside in the fresh air for brief walks to help me declutter my mind, etc.

Stay strong x

[Former-Member]

you will get better, and then you'll stumble, and wonder how you're ever going to get up again, and then you do, and wonder what on earth you were worried about. And this pretty much sums up those of us with MI. Relapses are common, but sometimes years apart. Its a disease of the soul, althat I decided serves to keep me humble. 

Its 33yrs since my first hospitalisation. I've learned:

- I can survive this, & have

- to know my stress status and when its high - be kind to myself.

- use the skills learned from therapy

- doing what's good for me doesn't show until after - push on